It's Britney Bitch!

I saw a Groupon deal one day a few months ago for Britney Spears concert tickets. For only $60 I could get 2 tickets. I shouldn't really be spending my money on things that I don't need, but when I saw Nicki Minaj was part of the tour too, I just couldn't resist. It was only $60, and how many opportunities would I really get to see THE Britney Spears live in concert? Probably plenty, but you never know! I got 2 tickets.

Click through to read all about it! There are pics and a beautiful love story.


I went to brunch with lil K and A one day (which was an adventure itself...it's hard to find a place when there seems to be no signage outside the building), and when I mentioned the Britney Spears tickets lil K kind of freaked out. Turns out this girl LOVES Britney. Naturally, I offered her my second ticket. She told me she would pay me what I paid for both tickets for the chance to go. No way was I accepting that. I have no boyfriend to spoil with gifts so I tend to spoil my friends when I can. With her wedding coming up, it seemed like a good gift to give. She needed a night off from the stress of planning her wedding and just the thought of possibly going got her all jittery with excitement so I knew she would really appreciate the experience.
I went to pick up the tickets as soon as they were available, using the printout I got from purchasing my Groupon. I figured the sooner I picked up the tickets the better the seats would be. I knew no matter what they were going to be kind of crappy. Cheap tickets usually equal crap seating. But lil K and I wanted to know where we would be sitting. So I got the tickets and we chatted excitedly on facebook about what was sure to be the best event of our lives. Or that month...shwhatev.
The day of the concert, we met up outside the arena and took a minute to chat, glitter ourselves up (girl came prepared with a roll on glitter stick. Hells to the yes y'all!) and check out the amazing costumed concert goers around us. There were Britneys of all era's around. There was School Girl Brits from the Hit Me Baby One More Time video. Girls in skimpy clothes with fedora hats. Feather boas galore. Glitter everywhere. I think there may have been a fake boa constrictor or two. And some seriously questionable lingerie turned clothing for the night.
After we had glittered and squealed and oggled, we headed in. We weren't too worried about missing the opening act, Jessie and the Toy Boys, not just because we hadn't heard of them before this but I also read reviews about them not being very impressive. So we figured if we took our time we wouldn't have to deal with such big crowds just to get to our seats. We were right.
We had our tickets ready at the door, got our purses searched, chugged down a full water bottle that we weren't allowed to take in, and finally started to navigate around the big arena to find our seats. All the way upstairs. Of course. Along the way we spotted what would surely be considered a hooker if we were anywhere but where we were. She was wearing the shortest dress I had ever seen...in fact I'm pretty sure it was just a long shirt. What caught my eye first was the way she clomping around in her heels, clearly not used to walking in them. Then she passed by us and we could see booty cheek jigglin all around. It was a sight I tell ya!
When we got upstairs, we found out our section was actually blocked off. Like, that whole half of the building was closed. So we asked someone for help and he said "Oh! Groupon tickets? Well you'll have to take these to the table downstairs and get new tickets to find out where your seats are.". Thank you sir! But can someone tell me why the people that checked our tickets at the door, on the first floor, didn't mention that before we walked all the way up three flights of stairs? Shwatev, we just wanted to find our freakin seats. So we walked back down three flights of stairs and all the way to the opposite side of the building, and found the table where we traded in our tickets for new ones. That happened to be WAY CLOSER! Like...a lot closer! We we so excited about this turn of events. More squealing and jumping around happened.
We found our seats and they were perfect. On the edge of the aisle so we could easily get in and out without having to make 14 other people move. At a great angle so no ones big heads (or big hair) were in our way. And super close to the stage. Ok, so there were closer seats, but we were expecting to be in the nosebleeds and now we were just a step up from the front row seats. For absolutely no extra cost. Hells yes!
Jessie and the Toy Boys were just finishing up as we got settled. We were right, we didn't miss much by skipping their part of the show, at least from what we could tell by the one song we did hear. The seats next to us started to fill in. The girls in front of us danced provocatively for....no one, and primped their faces in their little compact mirrors.
We had fun checking out the ridiculous shoes other girls had worn to the event. I'm a shoe fan, we all know that, but I know when I need to think about where I'll be wearing my shoes. And when I know I'll be standing up, dancing at a concert, for who knows how long, heels just aren't the best option. Though a good pair of wedges would have been perfectly comfortable, I also knew that the girl I was going with is a miniature person when I'm wearing flats. Wearing heels would just make me feel like a giant so I opted for sparkly flats. There were definitely plenty of sky high heels for me to drool over throughout the night though.
The lights dimmed and the concert was beginning. I may have did a happy dance and jumped around a little when Nicki Minaj came out on stage. I know not everyone loves her, but I just can't get enough of her. I think she's so fabulously outrageous. She wears the crazy stuff that isn't too out there (like Lady Gaga) and doesn't care what anyone thinks of her. She's living her dream. While still being her crazy ass self. And by the way, that booty is fer real. Like...whoa! I was excited to see what she kind of shoes she would wear, what kind of giant dresses she might wear, what kind of weird set up she would have. She did not disappoint. I thought her part was a lot of fun and had plenty of weirdness, awesomeness and had everyone up and dancing. She did wear more flats than I expected, but I heard she wasn't feeling the greatest so I understand not wanting to run around the stage in giant heels all night. (I'm so focused on shoes!)
With the first half of the concert over, we had a half an hour intermission until Britney Spears came on stage. They put up helpful timers on the tv screens around the building reminding us all how long we had to get back to our seats. We needed some fresh air after all our dancing and cheering and we remembered seeing a large smoking patio when we were up on the 3rd floor, so we headed up there. There were only a couple people on the patio when we got out there. The fresh air felt amazing and we managed to score a corner so the smoke wouldn't bother us. About 5 minutes later however, there were at least 50 people out there and we started to feel trapped in the corner. We walked around the patio and ended up in the middle when we saw the street walker girl from earlier. Hanging out (literally hanging out of her shirt dress) with her equally horribly dressed friends. I wanted a picture. So lil K got her camera out and I pretended to pose like a nerdy tourist, just so we could share this special moment with you guys.

Little hard to make out? Let me help.

Sure, it's blurry but now you can see what I mean. This wasn't even the streetwalker girl. This girl with her booty all out also had her tatas on prominent display. No bra for these girls. High class broads fer sure.
Now, the one in the pink there, her and her friend weren't too bad. I mean, yes they too were wearing lingerie as clothing but they managed to not look like total whores while doing so. They also had on some amazing makeup. How do I know?
Well, after taking our sneaky tourist picture we wandered over to the railing to see if we could get a better, closer, sneaky picture, because we're evil people. We got so much more than we ever could have hoped for! We tried to keep our distance but the girls literally came right to us. First, the girls that didn't look like sloppy hookers came to the only open railing space next to us. One of them complimented my shirt and I noticed their make up. Professionally done just for the concert I found out. Guess I shoulda tried to get a picture of that...Anyway, eventually a guy came up to the girls with makeup trying to chat them up. Never one to turn down a trick, the streetwalkers came over to chat with this gentleman.
You guys....this is where we really had the best seats in the house. This group of girls and the guy, they were right next to us. Like if I adjusted my purse on my shoulder I accidentally bumped one of them. So we got to hear this lovely exchange, word for word, up close and personal. We faced away from them, looking out over the balcony as we listened to their love blossom.
The guy told the makeup girls they looked great. They giggled and thanked him. The streetwalkers came to join the conversation and we found out the one with her booty and tatas all out was celebrating her 21st birthday. The guy told the girls he was in town on business, he's an architect* you see, and was wondering if they knew where the good parties would be later that night. The girls named a couple of clubs and then the guy told them he knew the owner of Kells downtown and he thought he could get the girls in for free after the concert. More giggles. Lil K and I were facing away from them but she told me I had to turn around to get a look at this guy. He was glorious. Clearly much older then all of the girls he was trying to hit on, he had a nice mature beer gut, and sunken in squinty eyes. Pasty dry looking skin with a hint of red all over his face. Every girls dream. Then he pulled out the big guns...
He told the girls he worked for a site called Suicide Girls and he was willing to bet he could get the makeup girls a gig. If they were interested. Not one of those girls took a minute to think, hey, didn't he just tell us he was an architect? They just all giggled with delight and fawned all over the guy.
I couldn't hold in my laughter any longer and basically slapped myself in the face when I covered my mouth with my hand. It was too much. Was this really happening? Were these girls really so stupid that they couldn't see through his obvious bs? Or maybe they could see through it fine and just didn't care? Sure, I've been at that point, where the thought of some older rich(ish) guy trying to buy me with gifts and VIP treatment would get me just a little excited. Who am I to judge? I say live your life and who cares what anyone else thinks. He was offering these girls things all on his own. If these girls want to whore themselves out to this loser, then by all means, at least he's not trying to hit on me.
Before the girls ran off with their new sugar daddy, lil K snapped a great pic of the original streetwalker, up close.

I mean, that's gotta be a shirt right? By this time she had grown tired of trying to learn how to walk in her big girl shoes and was running around barefoot. And bareassed.
After laughing until we cried, we headed back in to get ready for the main event. The tv screens said we still had about 10 minutes until the show started. On our way to our seats we saw more people dressed up for the big event, and lil K couldn't get enough of this one and had to get a picture:

Can you blame her? He towered over everyone and commanded attention with his carefully thought out and well executed outfit. His pant shorts may have been home made but they looked professionally slashed. His make up was impeccable. He even had little glittery pasties to cover his nipples. And on top of everything he had a huge smile on his face and obliged anyone who wanted a picture with him. This man looked so much better than the streetwalker and her friend and he was wearing less than they were. Take note ladies.
We made our way back to our seats. You could feel the excitement in the air. In mere minutes the lights would dim and Britney herself would grace us with her presence on stage. We were so ready. After weeks of anticipation...This was it.

See how close we were?! Ok, so some zoom action may have been used, but still...
The show was awesome. Full of energy. We danced and sang along. At one point she rolled out in a mini cooper (shown above) and ended up pulling a random guy out of the audience, tying him to the stripper pole attached to the back of the car and then gave him a little lap dance. He definitely enjoyed himself. I'm not gonna lie, Brit's moves weren't the best. She didn't seem too into the whole thing. It wasn't awful, but I certainly wasn't blown away with her "talent". Not that I think her show is about showcasing her talent. And I'm ok with that. Besides, she is sure doing a helluva lot better than she was a while back! And certainly doing better than most people in the world.
At one point, I noticed the streetwalkers and the potential new Suicide Girls walk down the stairs next to our seats, heading straight into the floor seats with their new lover man. Lil K and I laughed.
Brit decided to have her dancers grab some people from the audience to go up on stage and dance with her. Guess who got pulled on stage? The streetwalkers and the Suicide Girls. I cackled. Lil K and I watched, almost in horror, while the streetwalkers danced away on stage. The birthday girl was dancing as she might at work, on her friendly local stripper pole. Anyone in the front row definitely saw her nana. Her dancing was dirtier then what I see in the clubs in the middle of the night after everyone's had a chance to get liquored up. I know Brit Brit herself came out on a car with a stripper pole and gave a dude a lap dance, but this chick was teaching the 11 year old sitting next to us all about the female anatomy. Apparently management wasn't happy with birthday girl and someone eventually pulled her off stage while her friends kept on dancing happily away next to Britney.
I cackled some more. A lot more. I cackle every time I think about it actually. Birthday girl had a better 21st birthday than most people. She got pulled from the audience to dance on stage with Britney Spears! Sure, she made kind of an ass of herself and got pulled off stage but think about what you did on your 21st. She had the time of her life, and I can't hate on her for that. But...I will continue to laugh.
When the concert ended we had to make our way out through the massive crowds of women and the men they dragged along with them (and the men who came on their own of course). I continued to oggle shoes. I didn't see the streetwalkers again sadly.
Lil K and I headed to the max to get back to our cars and had to wait forever to actually get on the damn thing. 3 max trains passed before we pushed our way forward enough to get to the doors. We literally had to push our way through people. We stood at the max stop shoulder to shoulder with strangers. These people were, like, on me. Attached to me. And then we had to pack ourselves in as far as we could once we finally got on the train. Which ended up meaning I missed my stop because I just couldn't get through the people. I got off with lil K and she gave me a ride back to my car.
Next time, I'm paying for parking just so I can avoid dealing with that. I mean, people were just being rude. Not moving even if you asked. Even still, good moods were all over. Everyone that came from the concert was still buzzing. Strangers asked us about the songs she sang. We reminisced about our favorite girls. Lil K thanked me again and again. Our ears eventually readjusted to normal noise levels and by the time we got off the train, things had thinned out, slightly. It was definitely a good time, well worth the money I spent and I'm so, so happy that lil K enjoyed it as much as she did.
Now if I could just get some kick ass Ke$ha tickets for my mom...

All pics were taken by lil K.



*This made me think of an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Barney proves to Ted that using the fact that he's an architect as a way to pick up chicks would totally work. I think this guy watched that episode one too many times...