My heart is racing. My palms are sweaty, and I'm genuinely terrified. I sit back into my harness and take 2 steps forward, walking right off the ledge. I scream. I can't help it. Sound just escapes without any control. I'm flying through the air, through the trees and then I start laughing. I'm doing it! I'm flying! Before I know it, the next platform is right in front of me and the brakes activate on my zip line. Joey is there waiting for me. We laugh (at my screaming) and congratulate each other for doing this big, scary thing. The attendant at this tower points us in the direction of the next zip line as he unhooks me from the line. We make our way across a hanging bridge to the stairs for the next platform.
Each zip line that follows feels the same. They don't get less scary but they don't get scarier either. We walk up more flights of stairs before each new line. I always hang onto my harness straps with all my might. Each time I have to mentally talk myself into taking that step off the ledge.
Then we get to tower 5. We go up a long winding walkway, up this huge column. In the middle, towards the bottom, is the waterfall we swam through earlier in the day. This is the tallest zip line yet. Even the ledge is set up differently with a step underneath the lines to give you just a bit more height. We're no longer just above the trees. Now we're WAY above the forest. High enough that we can see the coastline, more than an hour away. The view is spectacular.
I tell Joey I need a minute. We pass the attendants and stand to the side so other people can go on ahead of us. Both of our hearts are racing and I'm trembling mildly. We stare out at the vast forest below and try to calm our nerves. We know that we're ready to be done zip lining, but the only way to finish is to keep going. We know the last one sends you through a waterfall before you finally touch the ground again and we both really want to make it to that moment. We decide to move forward. There's only a couple more to go. We've made it this far, and there's no turning back now.
The sign they have posted near the platform says we'll be going faster than any of the previous lines. Though I can't tell you how fast exactly. I just know that the number on this sign was a lot higher than the previous ones. It also says we'll be on the line, flying through the air, for more than a minute and a half. I think to myself "Ok, I can do this. A minute isn't that long."
Joey goes first. He yells out to me that it's going to be ok as he zips off into the distance. He literally disappears before my eyes. One minute he's there standing next to me and the next he's gone, into the jungle so far below. It is this moment that I realize for the first time I can't actually see the next platform. I can't see where I will be landing. I have no idea how far away it is, or where Joey is or if everything went ok. The attendant tells me to go.
I take a deep breath. I sit back into my harness. I tell myself everything will be ok. I take a step forward and immediately take a step back. I take another deep breath and tell myself not to give up. Don't be scared. Everything will be ok. I take one step forward, and with the next step I'm off the ledge.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is too high! I do not like this!
I get caught in a gust of wind and now I'm flying through the air backwards. The only way to straighten myself out is by using all of my strength to pull the harness straps apart. The only problem is, I am low on strength. I've been death-gripping my harness on every line that came before this one. The wind is so strong. I spin around to the left, pull on the harness straps and then spin around to the right. I'm supposed to be going in a straight line. I freak out.
"NO! NO! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!"
I forget to watch my surroundings. I'm unable to relax and enjoy the ride because I'm certain I will die if I come into the next platform backwards or sideways. I keep pulling and screaming and then...I can see the platform! I'm almost there!
DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT?! Is that a f@%*ing alligator?! It's head is lifted to reach up to bite me, and only as my feet pass over his head do I realize it's fake. Not cool, Xplor. Not cool.
The brakes activate and the attendant helps me steady my feet.
"You ok, lady?" he asks me. My entire body is trembling. I tell him I'm not ok but I am ok. He's confused. So am I. Joey is waiting for me and triumphantly yells "we did it!"
As we walk towards the next zip line I start to cry uncontrollably. I break down. I tell Joey how scared I was, how the wind caught me, how I did not enjoy that at all. He tells me the attendant told him that was the biggest zip line in the circuit and from here they get easier. He reminded me that we only had a couple more to do and then we would get that big payoff we were waiting for; sliding through a waterfall, into a cool river in an underground cave where we would finally touch ground again.
There is no turning back. So we keep going. And the next 2 lines are easier. They're short and not windy and I can see where I'm going to land before I leave the ledge. The last line is the shortest but flying through that waterfall and landing in the river was everything we hoped it would be. It felt magical and surreal and completely invigorating. The water is crystal clear, blue and the perfect amount of cool. On this line I'm finally able to relax a little. I don't have a death grip on my harness. I feel safe for the first time in over an hour.
As we walk to the harness return we congratulate each other. Joey tells me how proud he is of me for not giving up and for doing something that scared me. I tell him I'm so glad that guy was right about that one line being the worst. Joey tells me that guy never told him that. He wanted to help me calm down. It worked.
***
After the fact, it's easy for me to relate our zip lining experience to life in general. How many times have you heard the phrase "take a leap of faith"? A bunch, I bet. I know I've heard it over and over again. Taking a leap of faith. It's an easy thing to say, and a tough thing to do.
On the zip line circuit, you're forced to take leap of faith after leap of faith. Against your better judgement, you walk off a ledge and trust that these metal cables will hold you. You trust in the safety of the harness. You trust these employees to make sure you're hooked up correctly. You ignore the voice in your head that says "Don't do it!" and you do the thing that scares you.
It is terrifying, exhilarating, and completely exhausting. It's like nothing else I've ever done. I felt totally empowered afterwards. I now know that I am capable of pushing past that voice of fear I have in my head. I know that even when I'm scared, I can keep moving forward. I know that even though I may not be as prepared as I would like, I can still do the thing in front of me. I know that if I have a little faith and trust in those around me, I can do things I wouldn't be able to do on my own. I know that if I lose control, I can find it again. I know that I don't have to see the next landing platform before I walk right off the one I'm standing on now. I know that everything will be ok if I take a leap of faith.
With this knowledge I feel very secure in taking the next step in my life. I'm leaping into the unknown and trusting the safety net I have of supportive people around me.
Where am I leaping to? Stay tuned...
Where am I leaping to? Stay tuned...
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