I promise!

I was on vacation from work for a week and a half. Yes, I did stuff and saw things and yes I plan on writing about them. Actually, I've already started. There is just so much to write about so give me some time. Just a wee bit of time is all I'm asking for here folks.

Question: Since my vacation post is so long, do you think I should break it up into a few smaller posts or just keep it as one long post? Let me know what you think in the comments!

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday!

Cookie Baking Day

Lil K came over around 11 and we got started on making snicker doodle dough right away. I had just enough time before she came over to do dishes and clean the kitchen so there was plenty of counter space....at least there was before we started. We got everything mixed together and were using my mixer to get the job done. Then my mixer quit. It made a loud noise and told me it didn't want to do any more work. Cookie dough: Done! We stuck it in the fridge to chill and sat down to talk before the other girls made it over. I told her all about my not blind date and K's lokoness.
K and L showed up together and we started making chocolate crisps. I melted the candy bars and made K clean and measure. Though she was having a hard time paying attention...She was gushing to everyone about my not date. She seemed more excited for him to text me than I was. Silly woman.
With the crisps done and the snicker doodles going into the oven we prepared for sugar coma. The first batch of cookies came out of the oven, and even though we had forgotten a step (you're supposed to chill the baking sheets? Whoops....) they were delicious! And gone in about 5 seconds. More cookies into the oven, and still waiting on the crisps to cool enough to eat.
After all the snicker doodles were finished A was finally off work and able to join us but lil K had to leave the party to play driver and head to work. Thankfully she took some cookies and a crisp to G so there was less left at my house for me to consume.
I saved the chocolate chip cookie baking for when A was able to make it so she wouldn't miss all the fun and I headed into the kitchen to start. The girls whined at me and I told them they didn't really have to help but they did have to keep me company in the kitchen. Which they did. Thank you ladies.
We talked about whatever random topics came to mind (boys, work, family), as always and laughed a lot. And then Mad Libs came out. I continued baking and they sat in a circle having story time.
"Noun!"
"Uh...which one's that again?"
"Person, place or thing"
"Verb!"
"Which one's that again?"
How did you guys get through english class?
I kept responding with answers, but they were all related to cookie baking. Delicious, gooey, tasty, nummy. Yea, ok. Probably not the best choices. Fine. You guys win.
As one story is read aloud, K has a brilliant idea. "That could be a movie! We should make this into a movie you guys."
928.4 years later, all the cookies are baked, story time is over, and we're all in an almost deadly sugar coma. K and L decide they need to get going so I order them to fill a tin of cookies before they go and thank God they do because I might be dead right now if they hadn't.
A and I hang out for a few minutes before she leaves. She invites me over for dinner and the season finale of Dexter and of course I say yes. Because I know R will be cooking. And that means yummy.
So yummy...

So this is how grown ups do it....

I spent all of Saturday morning in bed. Not because I was tired, or sick. Just because I could. I didn't have anything to do except some very specific shopping and a cocktail party later on at night. I love when I can sleep in and lounge around the house like a bum for hours. It's the best feeling in the world. For me at least.
Once I finally got my butt in gear I headed out to look for some cookie tins for my cookie baking extravaganza which was to be happening the next day. I drove around for about half an hour with no destination in mind. I think just because it was almost 5 and it was the first time I had been out of the house all day so I was just driving for the sake of driving. I ended up at a goodwill and was hoping I could find some fun unique tins or something for Christmas-ness. I didn't find any tins...but I did score some kick ass wine carafes and a nice glass pitcher. Did I really just shop for myself? Damn it...
I made a quick trip to the Dollar Tree where I found plenty of fun holiday cookie tins and a couple of random decorations to take home with me. I made a big mess because the Dollar Tree thinks it's necessary to have a giant crooked metal pole sticking out of their carts and the stupid thing hit a shelf on my way down an aisle. A nice woman helped me pick up the mess though. Aw! There really are nice people left in the world!
I don't really have a lot of decorations (well any actually..the ones I've used in the past I just stole from my mom) so I figured I could splurge a little....at the dollar store...
I was lured down the glow stick aisle and started dumping handfuls of glow sticks in the cart. I had to dig to find pink ones, because those are always the most popular. By the time I found 3 packs of pink necklaces I decided to be done. I turned around with my arms packed full of glow sticks and found a little girl with a doll in her hand staring at me. As I dumped my pile into my cart, on top of the glow sword and bracelet packs, she gave me the side eye. Behind her I spotted a display of crazy color glow bracelets, which I have never seen so I knew I had to buy at least one. But this girl was in my way. Just side eyeing me. Move it kid.
I reached past her head and grabbed the bracelets to throw in my cart. Then I left to see if they had anything else I thought I needed to buy. I tired to make my way to a check stand but there was someone in my way at every turn. It was starting to get annoying. I mean, who stands in the middle of the only walk way in front of the check stands when you're not even going to the check stand? Can you not see me and my cart full of glowy goodness with the giant pole sticking out of it? Do you not hear your boyfriend telling you that you're in the way? And when you finally do figure out what's going on, why do you then look at me like I'm the one in your way? People...
As I piled my glow sticks and tins onto the conveyor belt I could feel the eyes of everyone in line behind me on my hoard. I might have thought I was only imagining the feeling...but when my cart was empty I took a peek and they were definitely all looking at my pile with suspicion. Psha. They're just jealous.
I drove back home and got ready for my one and only holiday cocktail party for this year. My friends A and R were throwing the party and I haven't seen them since high school days so I was pretty excited. Plus, the opportunity to get all glammed up is always something I like. I threw on my favorite LBD, some festive tights and my newest shoes (with some flats to take with me of course) and headed out.
I was actually pretty nervous when I first got there, just because I wouldn't know the majority of people there and that always makes me insane in the brain but when I got inside and R greeted me with a huge smile and welcoming hug, all my jitters went out the door. After a quick hello and hug from A, R led me into the kitchen where she showed me their only non alcoholic juice (which was freaking delicious!) and told me to help myself to the snacks. There was a bunch of home made goodies and everyone at the party was super friendly.  Not just friendly, but dressed to impress! Everyone was in their cocktail best. There were pretty LBD's all over the place, men in suits and ties and silk and sparkles and glitter were everywhere! Ok, so that might be a slight exaggeration but really, it was nice to be at a party where everyone was dressed up, looking fabulous.
R and I took some time to catch up. We talked about everything we had been through in the years since high school and gossiped about our mutual friends from back in the day. Of course, eventually a yearbook came out and the real reminiscing happened. Which is how I found out I'm not in one of the yearbooks. Those bastards.
"She's pregnant, she had a baby, he's having a baby, they're married now" and so on and so on.
It was really nice to talk to her because she has a good head on her shoulders, and common sense which as we all know is no longer very common. It's nice to know that there are other smart people in the world and it's even nicer to know that I can call those people friends.
Once everyone settled into the living room we moved the chairs around and formed a weird circle. We decided it was like we were in AA. We talked about music and movies, passed around a movie of controversial content, then had a serious conversation about the man inside Barney. I may have accidentally called someone a douchebag, but not really.
R's dad comes to the party. We welcome him AA style. R introduces me to him as the person that introduced her to A and M (her now husband and best friend). I had absolutely no idea I introduced them. I hate to get cocky here...but I introduced her to her husband. I helped her on her journey to happiness. I gotta say...it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. R's dad requests a high five for a job well done. I oblige. 
At one point, R and A's friend C decides to play a game.
"Ooh, this is fun. I'll guess the first time you got drunk!"
Ha. Alright. Yea fun game. Go.
"14?"
I'm not sure how to take that. Does that mean I look like someone that's been partying for years and years? Or does it mean I look like someone susceptible to peer pressure? Maybe I look like someone who has fun? Perhaps it was just a drunk guys guess. No meaning at all behind it. That's probably the most likely.
I told him I had never been drunk and as usual, the questions came. Astonished faces all around. That's always fun for me. I explained, as I always do. Not one sip, not never, not ever. I almost accidentally took a sip of my uncles beer on accident, but he took it out of my hand before that could happen.
Questions from the other side of the room now. Let's all join in! Nope, I don't plan on ever drinking. I made it this far, so I might as well keep going. Girl with unpierced ears know what I'm talkin about! High five to her.I get some respect and then a new question.
"What do you do to cope?"
Laughter all around. It was easy to be open with these people. They were all accepting, cool, real people. No judgment from them. Just curiosity.
Before I knew it, it was midnight thirty and I had to go. I was supposed to get up early in the morning for cookie baking and that wasn't going to happen if I stayed any later.

Not a set up, more of a....well yea, a set up

K and K2 invited me over to hang out on Friday. They were trying to hook me up with K2's friend R. I was told this was definitely not a blind date. Not a set up. Nope. No way.
It was totally a set up. This was basically a chaperoned blind date. Only my chaperone got drunk. Good news: 4 loko's are back.
At first I was told to be to their house around 7 but then it turned out R was planning on showing up around 6. Too bad for him, I had already made plans for between work and my not date. He would just have to wait. And since it's not a set up anyway, then it's not biggie. So there. Er something.
I finally made it to their house around 7 (I was on time. I don't care what anyone says...not that anyone said anything about that at all) and as it turns out, R wasn't able to make it when he thought he would and I ended up beating him there. I win. Oh, you say it's not a game? Damn.
I killed time by entertaining the cat, Blues. I would say he entertained me but...well I suppose it went both ways. I stole his cat toy on a stick and made him do flips and chase it around the apartment. It was good times. Blues got a good workout in, and I kept busy while keeping my nerves in check at the same time.
Ok, it's not a "date" per say, but it was definitely a set up and that tends to make my nerves act a lil wacky. So thanks Blues. You're a good friend.
R finally made it and drinking began (you know, there's not a lot for a non drinker to do when there is drinking going on. K2 did buy a bottle of smartwater special just for me though. He's so thoughtful). We all played with the cat and watched him play and hide and seek in the Christmas tree.
K decided that since they revamped the 4loko recipe and took out some of the caffeine, we would need to make a trip to 7eleven for her to get a second can. The boys decided it was nacho time so while they went to work on the masterpiece, K and I took a quick trip. In which K tried to get the scoop. Of course, there was no scoop for her to get (except for my admittance that he is indeed very nice to look at) since we were all of course hanging out in the same room so she could see everything that was going on. The loko was kicking in I think...
Back at the apartment we all chowed down on K2's famous 7 lb nacho (not actually 7 lbs) and made a lot of small talk about R's kick ass Grinch hat and with a second 4 loko hitting her system, K declared it was adventure time. So we bundled up (after a lot of convincing from K. She is very persistent, that one.) and went for a walk. I kept hearing things like "only a 3 mile loop" and "in the tunnel" and "under the bridge" and I started to panic about where we were going. I didn't wear hiking shoes! I wore what I wore to work. Those flats were most definitely not made for walking. Ah well. I knew whatever happened, we were going to have fun, so what if my boots got a little muddy.
The rain held off for the night and K was definitely on the loko-er end of the spectrum when she announced she had to pee and starting running off into the distance. I followed after her. All the way down that hill. I giggled the whole way because I'm a weirdo. K disappeared behind some bushes and I was put on guard duty. Which I am terrible at. Instead of holding anyone off I just kept telling her to hurry up because they were getting closer. When she finished (my friends and I are all about classy ladylikeness) we ran to the bottom of the hill and she did the scoop getting thing again and I told her, again, that there was no scoop. She told me she suggested our adventura (you have to read that word in a loud excited voice because that's how it works) in order to give R and I some time to talk on our own. So subtle you are, my friend.
When the boys caught up to us we headed to the waterfront where they talked about BMX stuff and K almost literally shoved me towards R. We walked away from the water to the most giant staircase ever (no, not really). R told me there was 400 stairs, but he made that up. K and K2 were walking at mach speed, giving R and I time to walk alone. We walked about a block behind them the rest of the way home and talked about random stuff like how I live in the hood and how fast our friends can walk when they think they're being slick.
We came to a fish ladder and everyone was peeking over the railing down at the rushing water, so I went up to the railing next to me and took a peek. Only a peek though because almost as soon as I touched my hand to the rail K was whisper-scolding me to stand closer to R. Chaperone mode: On.
We came to the bus stop a block away from the apartment and stopped for no real reason. The bus stop looks like a wacky covered wagon and R thought about climbing on top of it but decided not to because he was scared he might break through it. Then he offered me a ride in an abandoned shopping cart, which I declined because it was soaked with rain from earlier. We walked back to the apartment where we found K and K2 still outside. We all headed back up to the apartment and it was very apparent that the loko had left. K nodded off on the couch when we made it back inside so K2 said goodnight to R and I before we took off for the night. K made sure to be awake enough to command-whisper at me to be sure to text her when I got home to let her know what happened after I left.
We walked silently out to the parking lot and when we got to my car her suggested we exchange numbers. I got out my phone and called his and just like that the night was over. I got in my car and sent K a text.
"Happy now? we got each others numbers."
I didn't expect a reply until the next day, but almost instantly there it was.
"I know. We watched :)"
Like weirdo parents. Thanks guys.

Company Holiday Party

Let me start by saying that I know how truly lucky I am to not just have a job, but to have a kick ass job at the best company in the world (not officially...yet. But we were named the #1 company to work for in Oregon so I'm not just making stuff up here people). Our boss is seriously the best and before you assume I'm sucking up in blog form, read about our company holiday party and then try to tell me I'm a liar face.
For the first time we were all allowed to invite our spouses, partners, or friends (I invited K of course) to come to our holiday party. We all met at the office after 5 to watch a slide show of pictures from different company events throughout the years. You could feel the excitement in the room as we all waited for the ok to head downstairs. Boss had planned this party for us as a surprise and no one (aside from Boss and her helpful assistants) had any idea what was going on. They had been trying to get information from me for weeks. Too bad for them I am a master secret keeper. Muh ha ha ha!
Er...
After the slide show (which by the way is on Facebook so if you know me there, you can check it out), we were herded out of the office to hitch a ride....on a double decker party bus!! Seriously, this thing is the COOLEST! We all bypassed the lower level as we climbed on and headed straight upstairs. We squeezed ourselves into the seats and settled in for our ride to dinner. They plugged in Boss's ipod and the party was officially on. There was some serious sing alonging happening. The bus took us around the square so we could check out the Christmas tree. We oohed and ahhed and every restaurant we passed caused a burst of excitement while people tried to figure out where we were headed.
We pulled up to Saucebox and there were actually screams of excitement. For good reason. They have a 4 page cocktail menu and the tastiest food. K started off with a Zombie and JB & M debated on ordering a pineapple. We were on a tight time constraint so we all ordered drinks and appetizers and entrees and ate as things came out from the kitchen. Boss had sampled some cocktails and appetizers and deserts before the party so there was some delicious sushi on the tables for us to eat while we waited for our drinks (I got a cucumber lemonade). When our end of the table ended up having some problems choosing drinks we sent a drink menu with a note on it to Boss to find out which sampled drinks she would recommend. We had to send a note. Her end of the table was too far away to yell to. She agreed about that apparently, but chose to get up and come talk to us instead of playing note games. Fine, fine.
Drinks and food started to come out and the next half hour or so was kind of a blur of waiters with drinks and food and empty plates and glasses going back and forth. As JB & M continued to contemplate the pineapple drink, a waiter came up the stairs (which were lined with tea lights for us by the way) carrying a whole pineapple with a bow tied around it. It wasn't for JB though. It was for our employee of the year (as voted by the employees)! We applauded as he opened his present (not the drink silly people) because the look on his face was truly priceless. It was an ipad. Something he has most definitely been wanting. I've never seen such a big smile. Or such bugged out eyes.
With that, JB decided a pineapple was indeed needed. K ordered a hurricane, and I got a blackberry lemonade. The pineapple came and was apparently tastetastic. Suddenly, a coconut drink was being placed next to the pineapple. We have no idea why, since no one at our table ordered it...but we kept it. And then JB decided we should see her teeth. Say what? With a lime wedge and knife and a couple minutes of preparations JB had us all in hysterics. Seriously...Funny stuff.
We scarfed down our food (delicious, super tender ribs for K, crispy quail for me) and suddenly it was time for desert (chocolate cake with pistachio gelato) and we were ready to get back on the bus. After transferring our delicious cocktails (virgin drinks for me of course) into some party cups (giant soup cups were needed for the pineapple drinks) and swaddling our pineapple in a napkin and then throwing a coat over him to smuggle him out, we clamored back into the bus to head to the next secret location. The music was turned up (that bus really has a sweet set up) and with everyone pleasantly loosened via cocktail magic there was much more singing and dancing for this trip. And thanks to the pineapple, which left a mess all over K's jacket (dirty pineapple!) we had a new cup cozy. T snagged the awesome flower that came with employee of the year's drink and was wearing it tucked behind his ear. It was having a hard time staying put with all his dancing though. Many pictures were taken.
It didn't take us long to get to our second location, Harvey's Comedy Club. We were however late, and the show had already started. We made our way through the lounge entrance and started to filter into our seats. Or, we tried to. Remember when my purse got stolen? Right, well I still have no ID. Boy, they sure are sticklers for ID rules there. I walked up to the bar, where the guy was checking IDs (after trying to sneak by him with a group of people...but he noticed and made us all come back) and rummaged through my purse. I had just received my replacement birth certificate (I'm awesome at losing things) in the mail a few days ago so I still had it on me. When he looked at me I was just pulling it out of my purse and I dove straight into my explanation.
"My purse was stolen with my ID in it, but I just got my birth certificate in the mail..." I started to unfold it and he cut me off.
"You need picture ID. That won't work"
"Are you serious?"
He sure was. K looked super worried. I started to think, well, I could just wait in the bus I suppose. At least I would be comfy and not cold. Boss walked up to see what was happening.
"She's with our group. It's our company party. She doesn't even drink." She said to Grumps Mcgrumperston.
A manager walking by came over to see what was going on. Again, I explain and try to show my birth certificate.
"You need picture ID. Do you have anything with a picture on it?"
"Do you have a Costco card?" one co-worker suggests.
No.
"Bank card with your picture on it?" Another suggests.
"Student ID?" Manger man asks.
Nope. I don't have anything with my picture on it. I'm not a student, and a single girl in a tiny house doesn't really need Costo proportions of anything, we don't have ID badges for the office. So basically without ID I'm screwed.
As more of our group gathered to see what the hold up was the manager gave in. "I'll ok it. This time."
We thanked him profusely and stared to walk to our table.
"You really need to get an ID" the manager guy said to me.
"Uh...I know. That's why I have my birth certificate on me. Because I'm trying to get that done." Like I don't know that I need an ID? Seriously guy... thanks for the helpful advice but how about we just leave the obvious to be obvious alright? I'm working on it.
Side note: I realize that there are laws and they were protecting themselves by accepting nothing less than picture ID, however, knowing that we are here in a large group (24 of us I believe), here for our company party, and having 10 or so people around me all vouching for my being of age (Boss pulled out the "She's worked for me for 5 years" bit), I feel like they could have been a bit more friendly about the whole situation. It ended up working out, but sheesh, what an ordeal for a minute!
Since the show had already started we had to sneak in, which was slightly terrifying becuase a lot of comedians I've seen there will make a big deal about people coming in late. Luckily our table was right by the door separating the lounge and the show area so I grabbed the seat right by the door.
We missed most of the first act, who was really just the host so I don't feel like we missed out on too much. The second was a girl from Wisconsin, Lang Parker, who was pretty funny. The headliner was a seriously funny man who writes (and does voices) for Spongebob and Family guy so I knew I would be laughing a lot. I was right. Tim ORourke is a riot. And he can certainly handle hecklers.
I have been to Harvey's more than a few times and I have never seen people act the way that these people were acting. From what I gathered there was another company party there, all in the front rows near the stage. One guy in particular was being pretty obnoxious. Yelling to the performers and when he made a bad joke about being a beaten by his wife (who was sitting right next to him) I thought, I can certainly see why.*
At one point K and I both had to run out to the bathroom (again, skipping the bathroom in the same room and going to the one in the lounge to avoid walking in front of people and possible comic harassment) because we were laughing so much that there was no way we could continue to hold it until after the show. Best pee of my life. (Ok, maybe not but it was damn good. TMI? I don't care.)
I was continually surprised at how ok these people were with interrupting the performers, trying to make themselves part of the show, and being just outright rude a couple of times but I was way impressed with how both Tim and Lang handled the interruptions. We all definitely laughed a lot. Enough so that when the show was over and we were making our way back to our party bus, Boss was rubbing her cheeks that hurt from laughing so much. So was I. And K.
I decided to try out the bottom half of the bus this time. I sat on one of the cushioned seats (upstairs is just one long bench that wraps around the entire top level but downstairs there are 2 smaller, loveseat sized cushioned seats and then 2 swivel-rocking bar stools at the BAR(!!!) that is on the bottom level of the bus. After a few pleas, we talked Boss into getting a few extra minutes with the bus so we could drive around just a little longer. As soon as the music was on, the upstairs level burst out into song. JB came (oh so gracefully) down the stairs to control the ipod. She put on Katy Perry's Firework and ran back upstairs. More voices than before joined in for this one. There was some stomping along with the beat. I had to see what was happening.
I didn't even make it to the top of the stairs and I had a huge smile on face. Everyone had a huge smile on their face. Those that didn't were in full on karaoke mode, with fake mics in their hands and everything. There was dancing and laughing and picture taking. I couldn't go back downstairs. Besides, that song is one of the only Katy Perry songs I like. And I happen to like it a lot. E and T pulled me up the rest of the stairs, offering me a seat between T and M. Just like that it was group karaoke. C held up an umbrella as a mic for us and we belted our hearts out. K came up to join in the fun (only not the singing and dancing cuz she's not into that stuff, but laughter is definitely her thing) and we drove around looking at twinkling lights downtown for a little bit.
As we pulled up outside our office there was a collective moan of sadness, mourning the end of a fantastically fun night. We made our way out of the bus and onto the sidewalk. Boss made sure everyone knew that she would happily call (and pay for) a cab for anyone that needed it, and a couple of people took her up on the offer. And then we said our goodbyes, some of us heading up to the office to pick up things left behind from earlier, and some directly to our cars to go home.
With a boss like ours, who genuinely cares about us and who wants us to be happy, not just at work but outside of it as well, doing things like this to show us her appreciation and love (because, it's true, we are a family, and there is a lot of love here), how could we not be the best company in the world?
Boss has figured out that happy people make happy workers, and happy workers do better work, and better work means more money, not just for the workers but for the company as a whole. Boss has always made sure that the people she hires are a good fit for our (work)family. We are all good people.
Wait...rephrase.
We are all AMAZING people, who do great work and are always looking for ways to better ourselves and the world. We are sustainable, caring, giving, happy, funny, honest people. We are true to who we are and make no apologies. We accept people as they are with no judgment. We work together to help each other and the community. We are awesome and I am one of the (13) luckiest people in the world because I get to work for such an awesome company. Without this place I wouldn't be the person I am today and I am so thankful for that every day of my life. I love who I am and I have found that love for myself thanks to this company. I can't believe I'm getting teary while writing this. I think that means I need to stop.

Thank you, Boss, for the best company holiday party ever for the best company ever!

I'm pretty sure that damn Firework song is going to make me smile every time I hear it now, just because of this awesome night. Oh darn.

*I do not ever endorse anyone hitting anyone else for any reason other than self defense or for a professional fight such as boxing or MMA.

I'm your man! Er....Doorman at least.

Around 3 in the afternoon, the company's bookkeeper called in a slight panic. She was helping to host a first Thursday even not far from my own office but they forgot one small, yet very important detail. Their buildings main entrance door locks automatically to the outside world at 5. The event was from 5 to 7ish which meant they would need someone downstairs for those 2 hours to let people in. Once she offered some money to go along with the job, I was in. It is the holiday season after all.
The place was only about 6 blocks from my office so I walked straight there after work. They had someone at the door already, since I wouldn't be able to get there right at 5 and he let me in. I went upstairs and tried to find V but had little luck so I headed back downstairs and asked the doorman of the moment if he knew her. I let him know that I was the one coming to relieve him of the doorman duty and he happily gave me the key fob and went to find V for me.
Key fobs are funny little things. A tiny little piece of plastic has the power to open a big huge door. Well ok, maybe not open...unlock. I still had to do the actual opening.
V came down with a glass of wine in hand and thanked me for helping her out. She asked if I wanted anything. Wine, beer, hard alcohol. Haha. Rather than going into the non drinker thing I just said no thanks, which I find is much easier. She headed upstairs and I was left to be doorman for a couple hours.
On the way from my office there was a light rain. I had to use my hood and even that didn't completely shield me from the rain. I was afraid standing outside in the rain that I might freeze to death. Thankfully the rain had already stopped and it wasn't actually too bad out. Of course I didn't even consider taking off my jacket or scarf to try to look more doorman-y. I wondered what I was going to do with myself for 2 hours out here. Could I read the book in my purse? Should I watch Family Guy on my phone? Can't listen to my ipod because I forgot my headphones...
People watching was my choice. First Thursday downtown is always fun. There was a big group of kids (I'm guessing middle school or early high school years) just down the block looking at the art galleries down there. They didn't all seem too excited about spending their night pretending to care about art that they clearly had no interest in. They filtered into the building and not 3 minutes later one boy came back outside apparently done looking. He wandered down to the corner, back to the gallery, into the street, back to the gallery, across the street, back to the gallery. Where are the chaperones?
Oh...time to open the door. Swipe key fobby, open door, smile at people, tell them to head upstairs via the elevator. Easy peasy.
The entire group of kids were now back outside and heading to a gallery on the other side of my (for the moment) door. Chaperone lady guides them inside their next stop. Of course, almost instantly kids start coming back outside. One group stands almost next to me (thankfully I have a nice little alcove to hide in) but it gives me something to watch. Aw look, young love. (BLECH) An intruding friend gets in on the couple hug. Suddenly high fives all around. Literally. 6 way high five. I've never seen anything so glorious (not true but for the moment it was). And then they were gone. I think I heard something about donuts. Jealous.
First doorman comes back downstairs to check on me.
"I brought you water even though you said you were fine."
HAHAHA nice. Thanks homie friend. He stands outside, apparently waiting for a drummer. We stand outside silent for a minute before I realize I'm being a little awkward so I ask his name and introduce myself and make some small talk. He tells me he likes to bring V roses. Aw cute. Then the drummer comes. He tells drummer they needed someone to watch the door. I smile and say "Yep. I'm your man! Well...doorman. For now anyway." With that they head to the elevator and I'm left alone again.
Swipe fob and let a few more people in. Study the architecture of the building across the street. Watch someone get frustrated with the parking ticket machine and leave in fury. Watch someone have no problem with the same machine. Watch a cute old couple admire art from the sidewalk. Swipe fob, let someone in. See the ROUNDEST DOG EVER walk in front of me. See the most amazing over the knee boots on the planet. Oh so many beautiful jackets. Swipe fob, let someone in.
V comes back down to check on me but this time she brought friends and they brought me snacks!
"We brought you sparking pomegranate juice! And water! And snacks!"
"Here! I even gave you a napkin for wiping" says one friend, handing me the plate.
They are all laughing and smiling and perhaps slightly buzzed. I can't help but smile and am grateful to be "working" for such awesome people.
They all clamor out the door for a smoke break. V thanks me, again, and announces to her friends that this is the second time I've seen her drunk.
True.
She's a fun drunk. Happy and bubbly and entertaining. I encourage this behavior. Always.
They take a walk around the corner and I take the chance to check out the plate of goodies. Some nuts, cheese, crackers, salami. Nom nom. I eat and try a little of everything, even the things I'm scared of because I'll never know if I like it or not if I don't try it. I've been trying to expland my taste buds view of the world. It didn't go so well...but most everything was delish. And the sparking juice was awesome. I stowed the sparkling water in my purse and put my finished plate on the ground, using my napkin to cover the pile of pistachio shells.
V and friends come back around the corner, still laughing and smiling and we all exaggerate the doorman shtick.
"Why hellloooooooo there! We're here for the party!"
"Well let me just get this door for you!" Impossible not to have a good time with these people around. They head back up to the party and again, I'm left to my duties.
Suddenly I notice the cold very much. My toes may in fact be going numb. I start to worry about frostbite. How long does that take to set in? People get stuck in snow for hours and hours and they get messssssssed up. I'm being ridiculous. It's not that cold out. V even told me I didn't have to stand outside. I could stand inside. But I am stubborn and feel like I should be out here. I should just move some more. Get the blood flowing. I do some random pilates moves. Pace the doorway. Do a couple little kicks. That's when I notice one guy I let in is still right behind me. He's been on the phone so he hasn't gotten on the elevator and saw my whole snazzy routine. You are welcome sir.
Professional. Act professional woman.
Psha, right.
A woman comes back outside and in a pleasant British(ish) accent asks if I'll be posted out here all night, with concern on her face. She's relieved when I tell her I'll be done very soon. How nice. Some people actually do give an eff.  
One guy I let in much earlier comes back outside.
"You're still out here?!"
Well...yea...but I'm almost done. Check my phone...yep. I inform him I only have 3 minutes left with a smile on my face. It's not so cold out here. I'm fine. Totally fine. Not even cold.
He holds a hand out to me "I'm C."
I shake his hand and tell him my name. Again, he holds his hand out.
"Which one?"
In the palm of his hand he's holding 2 rocks. One small and clear, kind of triangular in shape and the other much larger, white, square-ish and kind of sparkly. I think for a moment and then grab the clear, smaller one. This one is the one I want.
"I knew you'd choose that one. That will be your lucky rock." he says with a smile on his face.
Thank you C. I stare at the rock in my hand and think how lucky am I? I just got a lucky rock from a complete stranger. It feels lucky. It looks lucky to me. There's even a small touch of green near the point...perhaps green....for....money? I don't know but I love it. Love it.
"Have a good night K" and he's off into the night (aka next door at the gallery) mysteriously, like a mysterious thing.
And then my doorman duties are done. I head upstairs to find V so I can get paid and head home. She takes a few minutes to introduce me to everyone she can (ahh, friendly drunks) and thanks me about a billion times for helping her out. She walks me back downstairs and insists we go to lunch together. A couple more hugs and thank yous and I head back to my car. Where I realize my toes are definitely frozen. Heat will really make you notice how cold you are. Totally worth it. I walked away with a check and a lucky rock.

Shopping parents

Last week I went shopping with my mom. I wanted to pick up some presents and just do some shopping. I usually find it therapeutic. I don't feel that way when people let their children run wild. I understand that sometimes kids act out. You can't always control them. It's about the way you handle it.
I saw 2 very good examples of opposite styles while waiting for moms cashier to get her act together. There was a man and his 2 or 3 children (whether they're all his or not, I don't know, but he was certainly in charge of all of them at this moment) standing behind my mom to the right. A woman and her brood of wild ones (can you tell which parent I like better in this instance?) were to the left.
On the right I saw one boy walk away from his dad and towards the toys on the wall. He touched one where the sticker enticed him "Push me!" and the toy started singing. In a calm voice the dad said to the boy "Stop pushing those buttons. Regular people don't want to hear all that noise". Immediately the boy stopped and walked back to stand by his father. He didn't seem upset, sad, or angry at all.
"JACKSON?! Where are you?!?!" screamed mom on the right as her turn at the register came and suddenly a wild banshee (A.K.A. Jackson) ran around a corner far from where his mother was and stutters to a stop next to her. But only briefly before running back off while his siblings touched every single thing they could reach and mom just ignored the lot.
Thank dog mom was finally done and we could leave this crazy place.

My landlord, the devil

I really hate giving my biggest chunk of money to someone I regularly call the devil. I remember how to get to the rent drop off spot because it's on 66th which is close enough to 666 which is appropriate since she is the devil. Her name in my phone is devil lady. She always does devilish things. Maybe if I stopped thinking of her that way she would be less devilish. But probably not.
Anyhoo....I dropped my rent off after work yesterday. For the first time in the 2 years I've been dropping my rent off in the same fashion, devil lady's neighbors were outside. When I opened my car door I could hear a dog barking. By the time I got my feet on the ground I could see that the neighbors dog was running towards me and the woman standing outside was running after him yelling at him to come back. He was on the other side of my car now and I didn't know if I should be scared or not. So I laughed. Because what else could I really do?
The woman had finally gotten a hold of the dog and was walking him back to their home. As I walked to the mail slot, an automatic light above the door turned on and all of a sudden the dog was going absolutely insane! I could hear him snarling and barking and I could basically feel his rage through my ears. I saw a man was now taking over the dog wrangling duties but even he was having a hard time. The dog was squirming and wiggling and snarling and growling. He sounded rabid. Totally rabid.
I hurried back to my car as soon as I could. I thought to myself, why would that dog go so crazy? What would make a dog act like that? What did I do to make this dog flip out? Then it hit me. I didn't do anything. That dog knows that the devil lives there and was trying to protect me. It freaked out because I willingly walked to the door. I wonder what happens when he sees someone goes inside.

Classy Lady

I headed to A's over the weekend and as I pulled up to her house I saw R pulling into the driveway. His friend T was parking behind me. I got out and headed to the door. I said hey to R and he said "Oh hey. Your ass is out".
I looked at my car. Nope...totally aligned with the curb.
"No...YOUR ass is out. Like your dress is stuck to your tights or something."
Oh.
Awesome.
Great. Do a little self groping and pull my dress out. I say "Well that's embarssing. Thanks!" and go inside to find A.
You know, not too long ago I would have felt myself turn bright red, avoided R and T (who totally had to have seen my entire ass. At least tights make my butt look awesome.) and left shortly after getting there. Instead I just laughed. It's funny. I wish I coulda seen myself walking to the door. Oh, how I would have laughed at myself. And I did. When I told A all about it.
And again when I told K about it the next day when she accompanied me for a nice shopping trip downtown.
I had an appointment at Blush Beauty Bar to try out eyebrow threading and K wanted to see what it was all about. (Fun fact: parking gods were on my side and gave me a kick ass spot right in front of the salon however the embarrassment demons are out to get me because when I got out of the car my skirt was trying to fall right off my ass. I wore pants the next day.)
The salon is super cute with all sorts of awesome girly stuff (holiday gift hint! for me and K!) and Megan, who did my brows, is amazing! Not only is she adorable and fun but she is very meticulous and took time to make sure that everything looked perfect. She made sure I knew that while many people find threading to be painless it doesn't mean it's like that for everyone and made it clear that if I wanted to stop it wouldn't be a problem. At one point, when she was switching eyes, I opened my eyes and even though I didn't feel any pain my eye sprung a leak. Megan was prepared. "Yea, that happens sometimes" she told me as she handed me a tissue. Prepared for anything, that girl.
It is definitely still hair being ripped of your face (the things women do!) but I wouldn't call it painful at all. Weird, definitely. Kind of uncomfortable maybe. Not painful. And I much prefer it to the ripping pain of waxing, which I've only done a couple of times in my life. I totally love the way they look and have already booked my next appointment.
After getting my new grown up eyebrows we decided to stay in the area and do some shopping and I am so glad we did. There are so many cute stores in the Pearl. Too bad I was focused on shopping for other people because I saw a lot of stuff I liked. The only place I couldn't help spending some cash was the little candy store we found. We only bought a couple home made (FREAKING DELICIOUS) caramels for ourselves and stocked up on some great yummy stocking stuffers. After spending who knows how long looking at all things girly, shiny and unique we decided food was a necessity and headed back to the east side. Cuz we're gangstas. Who eat at subway.

Fight night and crackheads

A and R hosted fight night at their house. A is painting her nails when I get there, even though the preliminary fights are on. She has no interest in that. She has a sort of obsession with painting her nails. So I sit and watch her because she's drawing trees with blossoms on her thumbs and it looks freaking awesome and I'm amazed at what she can achieve with a little bobby pin. Once her nails start to dry she decides we need some snacks. I ask if she has any cookies, because I love cookies, and she actually does.
She has frozen Reeses peanut butter cookie dough so we start to bake those. Well, she tries and I have to take over because her nails aren't dry enough for her to actually do anything useful. Directions on the box say heat to such and such and bake for 12 to 14 minutes. Good. We can handle that. Wait, wait wait. A opens the oven before it's time and I tell her not to do that. Wait some more. Check cookies at 12 minutes. Whoa! They are totally not done. Think they'll be done in 2 more minutes? Ugh. What the heck.... Wait some more. A opens the oven again before it's time. Damn you woman. Stop it! Check again in 2 minutes. Nope, not done. Wait more than 20 minutes total, all while trying to get A to stop opening the oven door, and take the cookies out. Awesome. Still kinda not done in the middle and burnt on the bottom. Damn it. A blames me. Try another batch. A takes charge this time and takes the cookies out when they look undone...but it's ok because she taste tested them before taking them out and they're done, they just don't look done. She used the spatula to cut a cookie in half and take it out of the oven for testing purposes, because she didn't want to waste time looking for one of those silly oven mitt things. Safety first! K plays super waitress and walks around handing out fresh cookies to all the boys watching the fights. When people ask about the burnt ones A blames me. I might have to punch her if she keeps doing that. I followed the directions on the stupid box ok!
After some fighting about cookies we settle in to watch the fights.
One of R's friends brought his 2 small girls to fight night. The older one was mostly good. She liked to hang out in front of the fish tank and tell us all of the fishs names. "That one is Nemo. And that ones Nemo. And that one over there is Nemo". A points to a frog and asks if it's name is Nemo. "No silly. That's a frog. Not a fish." Only fish can be named Nemo apparently. And all fish, are in fact named Nemo.
The other girl is much younger. Not talking, barely has control of her legs and likes to play in things like the toilet and the dogs water bowl. We're all watching a fight and dear old daddie keeps having to tell his older girl to get out of the way, stay down, get down, get out of the way, stop walking in front of the tv, getdowngetdowngetdown. Yet, she keeps getting in the way. The baby wants to play with the things under the tv. The Xbox won't affect watching the fights so he lets her play. She pushes the buttons, pulls out all the game cases and remotes. The she stands up, using the tv to steady herself. Dear old daddie pulls her to the side so she's not in the way of the fight but lets her slap her hands all over the bottom of the screen and the side of the tv. I realize I'm watching these children, that I don't even like (because we all know how I feel about the youngins), more than I'm watching the fights which I actually enjoy watching. I also notice dear old daddie is watching the fight instead of watching his kids, but I get it. He wants to see the fights too.
I refocus on the fight. They're on the ground. One guy is going for a lock. It's tense.
And then it's all black.
Baby had pushed the tv's power button.
Damn it.
Oh and how nice, if you push the button too many times you have to wait longer for the tv to turn back on. Of course the baby pushed the button too many times. You know a fight can end in less than a second right? Here we are with a black screen for 20 seconds. My brain was going insane. Dear old daddie says "Whoops! I forgot about the tv buttons hahahaha". Thankfully the fight was basically the same as before it turned off.
Why are you even letting your baby play by the tv? You're at someone else's house where everyone has come to watch the fights on someones else's tv. Why on earth would you let your baby, who if I'm remembering the conversation about dishwashers earlier correctly, likes to push buttons on everything and won't stop until she finds the button that does something, play basically on the tv during the fight? I mean...seriously. Oh it's because she started to cry when you tried to take her away from the tv? Well that doesn't mean she needs to play by the tv! That means she needs to learn that she can't play with everything she wants whenever she wants.
K keeps looking over at me. Whether it's because she feels the same way I do or if it's because she knows how I feel about children and is waiting to see my reaction, I don't know. We decide to retreat away from the children and go back into the kitchen. As A and I gossip (a.k.a. her blaming me for burnt cookies and me threatening her life) we realize that all of R's friends have left. Child free house! Yay! Victory lap! Which ends at the computer where we order pizza because we're hungry. K and G take off and we enjoy our pizza while catching up on Dexter. DVR's really are an awesome invention. After 2 episodes I head home. I'm definitely exhausted and ready to climb into bed.
I'm almost to my street. The car driving in front of me turns down my street. I turn. The car in front of me turns into my driveway. INTO MY DRIVEWAY! It's 1:30 in the morning people. Why are you in my driveway!? This happens to me way too often. I start screaming at them from my car. Flailing my arms, trying to get them to understand that they are in my way. That is my home and they need to move the ef out of my way. As I'm flailing a crackhead (don't judge me for calling them crackheads. They are. I know they are. I live next to these people and I see them and what they do and I know that they are crackheads ok?) wearing no shit, but an open jacket, walks up to my passenger side door. I take in the situation. The car in my driveway has only just started backing up. Crackhead wants me to roll down my window. Car is now blocking the entire street while they decide where to go. I"m blocking half the street and crackhead is in the way and his crackhead girlfriend is standing on the other side of the street blocking the car from moving. I roll my window down a smidge. I stutter a bit and ask him "Uhh whaddya doin?"
"I'm looking for a cigarette. You got one?"
Nope. Sure don't. Don't smoke. Nope.
"Well, where you goin?" He says with a slow grin in a voice that makes me think he's seeing bright colors and monsters hiding in bushes. I'm just trying to drive ok. This dude is in my way and I'm just trying to go. Finally the crackhead girl moves to the sidewalk and the car can finally get out of my way. Only just barley because it's parking basically in front of my driveway. Without looking back at the crackhead I drive. Past my house. Turn the corner. And start to sob. Awesome. I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep. I had to warm my car up for 15 minutes before I could even drive home because it's so cold out. Now I feel like I can't even go home because the crackheads and their terrible driving friends are hanging out in the street in front of my house so no I don't want to go home alone late at night where they can watch me go into my house alone. No. I don't want to do that. So I drive around for half an hour. I make a couple passes by my street. The car is gone and there are no signs of wandering crackheads so I finally pull into my driveway.
I'm tired but too scared to go right to bed. So I put some clothes away and pick up the house a little. I leave the living room light on and head to my bedroom. I turn the tv on and look for something funny to help my mind settle. But there isn't really anything good on at 2 am. I shut off my light but leave my door open so I still get the light from the living room. I grab my mag lite and tuck it into bed next to me, as a weapon. I leave my pepper spray next to the bed....just in case. I fall asleep with the tv on. Fear sleep isn't as restful as normal sleep.

Harry Potter and snow

I went to see the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter movie with M, her boyfriend D and L. We got there around 8:30 expecting to have to stand in line outside. L and I bundled up for the wait only to find out we could sit down right now if we wanted to. We waited for M. While waiting we found a photo booth. L had cash so we hopped in (after finding someone to give us 1's because the machine is picky and doesn't take anything but 1's) and got to business. After figuring out how to get the thing to start taking pictures....and struggling with keeping ourselves in frame because that booth is tiny as hell, we spilled back out into the lobby area and waited for the pictures to print. Surprise surprise! They were already printed. And this kick ass machine prints 2 copies! So we each got one and after deciding which frame was our favorite M finally made it to the theater.
With most of our group here and D not being able to come until later, we headed to the theater to save our seats. M is the hardcore midnight showing of Harry Potter-er, so I let her choose the seats. She chose well. I should have brought a book...
We sit and talk and catch up. M finds a couple of her other friends waiting for the movie to start and disappears. The kids sitting in the seats behind us offer to play Harry Potter trivia. I say ok, but let them know that while I may be here and I certainly have read all of the books, I'm not going to remember a lot of details so I'm probably going to fail. And fail I do. So instead we end up talking about how tall this guy is (6'8"!!! And he's wearing those super tall boot things) and about random stuff until L leaves to go find her coworker friend and tall guy leaves to pick up their other friends. Trivia girl picks up a book and starts reading so I look for a family guy video to watch on my phone until L or M come back.
Finally everyone is here and we sit waiting for the movie, talking about mutual friends and boy issues (because we all have them) and bad roommate situations (because we have all had them) and watch random actors come through the theaters playing Harry Potter scenes for the waiting crowds (good fun btw to have live actors fall down right in front of you. Fake falling can be as funny as real falling).
Finally the movie starts. Yes, I enjoyed it. Yes, I will always recommend the books over the movies because of how much more detail you will get and more story. They just can't fit it all into the movies. However, I do love the movies. I may have shed some tears....good thing we grabbed all those napkins when we got the popcorn.
I was prepared to be mega tired at work on Friday but thanks to some stroke of luck (and a redbull) not only was I totally awake and functional at work, I even got up early and had time to shower, and get cute before starting my day. Course I had to because I wouldn't have time after work. K and K2 were taking me to the mountain after work! Yessss!
Ok, so I'm not usually the most prepared person in the world...and that's totally the case with snow gear. I don't have snow pants...so I threw some long johns on under my jeans and off I went (with a duffel bag filled with sweaters, wool socks, a hat, scarves and gloves) to meet at their place. He's the one with a truck and chains after all. After bundling up we hopped in the truck and headed to the mountain. We made a pit stop for some pizza on the way at a place they love and raved about until we got there. Nope, I don't remember the name of it. When we got there it was busy. We stood in line and were only barely in the door. It started to clear out by the time we finally made it to the front. We watched a party get up and leave...One of the guys had his snow booties on...not the hard you can walk in boots...but these soft weird things that were impossible for him to walk in. They bent and folded from side to side with every step he took. He waddled very slowly out the door while K and I tried our best to hold out laughter in. Then just as he made it out the door, the last girl of the group yelled to him that someone needed to come grab the pizza box on the table. "Someone needs to get this! Come in here and grab this pizza please!"
It should be noted that her legs were working just fine in her normal shoes and her hands were empty. Why didn't she just grab the pizza and give it to him when she got outside instead of making him walk all the way back inside on his wobbly legs? We'll never know...
Got our pizza and headed out the door. Where we found wobble legs and his friends were stuck in the parking lot. Using jumper cables. That doesn't look good. Away we drive! One more quick stop to put air in the inter tube (because I'm not awesome enough to ride a snowboard yet) and after driving for what felt like forever we finally made it to the snowy mountain. Do a couple quick cookies in the empty parking lot before sliding to a neat stop near a small hill to park.
We marvel at the snow and hike up a little ways so K can practice on her new snowboard. She's awesome at it right away. After a couple tries she can get up all on her own, she can ride just fine down our little hill...she just needs to learn how to stop now. While they're flying around at high speed, I'm running in place around the inter tube to keep myself warm. She's still rolling...so I do some jumping jacks. They're talking technique and to keep my mind off the fact that I'll have to learn snow sports from my friends boyfriends because I don't have one of my own to teach me I make shapes in the snow with my footsteps as I jog back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. My toes finally have feeling again. And my fingers are warm! K2 offers to pull me around on the inter tube so I hop on and he throws me to and fro making me do little tube donuts. Ummm fun! K decides we should find a place where we can properly ride the tube. Do a little snow hiking and find a hill. I'm too scared of where it will end up (it's just below the ski lift) so K2 tests it out for us. Only...the tube doesn't move. He's stuck. The snow is too fluffy and deep. I plop down and start working on the best snow angel ever (not really) and K2 tries to get K to try the bigger hill on her board but since we can't see the bottom it's a bit too scary. He goes off to test out the hill and K and I explore a little. We try to head over to a snow covered tree but we get stuck. The snow is sooooo deep! I take a step and suddenly I'm up to my knee in snow and falling on my face because if one leg is covered in snow to it's knee and the other leg is standing on top of all that snow covering leg number one, I lose my balance and fall over. From there it was all bad. For me. K was fine. K2 found us and laughed with K as I tried desperately to dig my way out of the snow. I couldn't use my arms to help me because they would just fall through the snow like my feet. My feet couldn't get a grip on anything. At one point my entire face was literally rolling in the snow while I tried to get up. Why was my face rolling? Because I was trying to flip myself around so I could get up. Duh. After huffing and puffing for like 10 minutes I was finally back on my feet. K was leaning back all relaxed waiting for me to get my act together. We started over to the tree only this tim K2 developed a technique similar to battle crawling to get over the snow. With your weight more evenly spread out across the snow you didn't sink in as much. Wish I woulda known that before all that work I just did. At least I'm getting a good work out in. And on the weekend no less. Way to go me.
The tree is perfection. Covered in fluffy piles of snow and with a small hut like opening in the middle. K crawled in and perched herself onto an icy branch. It was like a giant throne. We all hung out in there, out of the wind for a little while chatting about nonsense because sometimes people need to vent and the best place to do that is in the snow cave with your best friend. Right?
Catching my breath felt good but as soon as I started to feel my toes go numb I knew I was ready to go. We walked carefully back to the truck and when we got there I realized I was a mess. I was covered in snow from all the strategic rolling I was doing. I forgot that snow melts and turns into water...not mud. Silly me. I climb into the back seat and look at my legs. I'm wearing jeans. And right now they look like I bathed in them. My legs might go numb...it's possible. Thankfully K2's heater works like a charm and I don't lose feeling in anything. My lesson to you: Have fun when you run into quick snow. It's funny for your friends when you're rolling around like a taser victim on your face in the snow.

Dinner date

Friday night C took me out to dinner at Changs. She kept teasing me about the cook. Asking me f I was excited to see my "husband". Oy vey.
By the way, in case you're wondering, I've given him 2 chances and he flaked out both times so I don't plan on talking to him any more.
Dumbass.
We set up a date and 3 days before we were supposed to go out he stopped talking to me and I couldn't get a hold of him. He text me after S went to Changs a few weeks after that and even though he told her we didn't talk because I was always busy, he told me he had been really busy and that's why he stopped talking. Lame excuse but because I am too nice for my own good (not to mention a wee bit lonely), I gave him another shot. We were supposed to go out last Wednesday. He asked me what day was good for me and I told him. Then he asked me what time and where we should go. I told him that he should make a couple of the choices...seeing as how he's the one that wants to go out, in my mind that means he should take some initiative in the planning. Maybe I'm just old fashioned...but I did make the first move and all so come on. So after I told him he should pick a time and we could decide on a place together...he stopped talking to me AGAIN! Wednesday came and went and I heard nothing. So, no, I wasn't what you would call excited at the possibility of seeing him because I make a weird face when I look at dumbasses and I didn't want to make that face.
Lucky for me he wasn't there. We sat down and enjoyed our hot soup before trying to get food. The line was crazy long when we got there and didn't go down much at all the whole time we were there. The place is always kind of a circus but this time seemed a little extra nuts to me. Once I finally got my food all piled up in the bowls I had to walk all the way around the thingamajigger to get in the line that was now following the wall. It usually stops at the counter separating the cooks and the diners.
In front of me was a woman and her young son. He was excited to watch his food be cooked on the big grill but when he finally made it to the counter he realized he was too short to watch. So he disappeared and came back with a chair to stand on. Right in front of me...making it impossible for me to move forward. Before I could say anything he moved the chair because they moved his bowls. At least now I had room to put my bowls on the counter... He continued to move the chair every time the line moved. Finally his food was done and he got out of my way. Then I got my food and sat down. C was only a few people behind me in line so she was sitting down to eat not too long after me. Good god I love that food.
Of course I went up for seconds because I always do, even though I usually get full after only a couple bites of my second plate and then force myself to eat as much as I can and I never finish and I always make myself sick from stuffing myself so much. This time the line was much shorter but when I finally got to the point where I should be putting my bowls on the counter...this woman got in my way. She stood in the way and then wouldn't move her bowls forward to make room for the people behind her to put their bowls up on the counter even though she had plenty of room. Come on lady! Don't you know Changs etiquette? By the time she finally got with the program my fingers were going numb from holding my bowls so tight...which was of course unnecessary. Silly me. Right when the line started to finally move I was blocked by a child on a chair. Why am I always behind this kid and his chair? This time I just stood on the sidelines and waited for my food in peace.
Or so I thought....Further away from the cooking station was a weird guy....staring at the cooking station with crazy lustful eyes...and a creepy smile to top it all off. He wasn't even waiting for food to cook. He was just standing there watching...and smiling. He totally gave me the hibbie jeebies. Mega time. He was there before I got there and he was still there when I finally got my food and walked back to the table.
Thankfully this time, it seems like I figured out the portions and I didn't get full right away. In fact I finished almost all of it and I didn't feel stuffed at all. Helps that the food tastes so damn good.
I looked around and noticed that now, there was no line at all. Now that C and I are both done eating. Of course. Figures. I see a child walk around the corner. But not just a normal walk. This kid was full on gangsta walkin ya'll! He had the pimp limp and thug fists and everything. It was pretty funny.
We headed to the grocery store to grab a couple of things before heading home. Forgot the ice cream though... Sad face. I thought about heading to the bar to watch some world class karaoke but I ended up being a boring old fuddy duddy and crawled into bed instead.

Halloween: Night 3

On actual Halloween day I slept in all morning. I stayed in bed all afternoon and didn't think about showering until around 4. I just relaxed and watched some scary movies. (I finally saw the Strangers for the first time. Being home alone is much more scary now.) I thought about staying in bed all day long and not doing anything. I didn't really have anything to do. No laundry, all the dishes were done and the house was clean. I painted my nails already and though T and A invited me to their party I was thinking a night of relaxing sounded too good to pass up. And then my brain said "but you can wear your tutu again!" and that was all it took.
I hopped in the shower and ignored the little spider way up in the corner. I watched some more tv before putting my costume on for the last time. Different fishnets, new top and after a stop in the kitchen to grab an unopened bag of chips and some salsa to take with and I was on my way to the Halloween Rock Band party.
When I got to T and A's house there were trick or treaters tick or treating so I waited for them to finish before I walked to the door. Was I giving them space to make them more comfortable or avoiding contact with children? Probably option B.
Of course everyone looked awesome. These people are seriously creative. Rock Band was already in full swing, as it usually is when I go over there, so I took a seat at the table...you know, near the food. A was just setting out her homemade pumpkin spice chocolate chip muffins and holy crap they were amazing! I ate like 14 of them (ok, maybe 4). I wasn't sitting down for long before T was accepting my challenge. I challenged him? He pulled out connect 4 and set it in front of me. Ok, I will accept your acceptance of my challenge. I win.
New challenger. After a long game and much thought on both our parts...I lose. Damn. Good game sir.
New challenger. She keeps forgetting to think ahead and gets trapped. I have 2 possible wins and she can only block one. She gives in. Win.
Then she's volunteered to sing Lady Gaga. She doesn't totally want to but she is easily convinced. And doesn't sound bad actually. Gypsy's got talent (enough for Rock Band anyway).
Drunk T made me recall Drunk T stories from years past. Of course I start off with the night he and his friends woke me up at 2 am to play twister with them only to have them watch me play twister by myself. How could I say no to the giggling drunks outside my door?
They make T-virus shots, because they're awesome. Twisted twizzlers in the shot glass. Looks like a strand of DNA (abstractish) and apparently taste super good. But don't eat the twizzler if it's been sitting in there long like Z's was. Not so good apparently.
A made Z put on a blond wig. He wouldn't accept help from her or his girlfriend so for 15 minutes we watched put it on, try to straighten it, take it off, fix his real hair, try the wig again, mess it up, take it off, put it on, try the upside down flip technique. I've never seen a wig look so bad so many different ways in such a short amount of time. He finally broke down and let his girlfriend take care of it. Only, that didn't help. Turns out this particular wig on top of his own hair (even when they tried to put his bandanna over the wig) just wasn't working. It was good entertainment though, watching a guy try and fail at putting on a simple wig for so long. I would have expected him to give up long before he did. Persistence: sometimes doesn't work.
You know what's funny about T? He is insanely good at most video games I've seen him play. Back in the day this guy was the master of DDR. I mean... the freaking MASTER! Now here he is, drunk, and playing the drums better than ever before on Rock Band. Who gets better timing and coordination when they're drunk? This dude! One of his newer friends seems shocked by this but it seemed totally normal to me. Him hitting every single note right is totally par for the course with this guy. There are so many notes flying across that screen and he effortlessly hits them all. I can't even keep up with my eyes. It's like watching magic.
Due to it being Sunday night and me having to get up early to go to work the next morning I decided to call it a night early. The good news is, an early night to me is a late night for trick or treaters and I don't feel overwhelmed with all the children running around the streets on my way home, because there are none. Thank freaking school night!

Halloween: Night 2

There I am, sitting in my recliner minding my own business, watching TV with C, when we hear a knock on the door. Since it's daylight and C is home I get up to see who it is. I peek through the blinds and see a woman...with a child. A child...at my house? Who could this be?
So I open the door. The first thing I notice is the clearly religion related pamphlets in the womans hand. You knocked on the wrong door lady. She asks if I've accepted Jesus as my lord and savior. I'm a bit stunned and stutter for a second. Thank you but I'm not interested. That's not enough. She asks if I know of Jesus. Well of course I do. Who doesn't really? Well maybe she can teach me she starts to offer...I stop her mid thought and tell her no offense but I'm just not interested. Still not enough?! Ok, I don't want to be rude....especially in front of the little girl (clever scheme bible thumpers....clever...) but I'm not interested and if they would look at those pumpkins they're standing a couple feet from they would realize they are at the wrooooonnnnng house. I say thank you again and I'm not interested again as I start to close the door in her face while she gave me judgey eyes. Sorry lady, but I told you.
Clarification: I have nothing against Jesus. In fact, I just partied with him the night before and he's a cool dude. I have nothing against people trying to spread the word about their faith in the hopes of helping others. Having faith is an awesome thing. It's not for me, but it's great for a lot of people and I'm not opposed to talking about things and contemplating and learning but I don't want to talk to someone who thinks I am a heathen for simply not believing the same things. I don't want someone to preach to me. I don't want someone to judge me because isn't God the only one that can judge me anyway? So get your judgey eyes and child away from my pornkin having, heathenism encouraging fun house.
I spent some time getting my costume together. Without the ribbons to worry about I decided to throw on some fishnets and grabbed my feather boa to keep my neck warm for the night. E picked me up around 6:30 and we headed out to an awesome house party.
The place was decorated perfectly. Webs, fake spiders, strobe lights, hanging shackles on the walls and mounds of snack foods. The DJ was setting up when we walked in. We headed straight for the food and said hi to our friends and his family. I headed upstairs to hang out with a couple of my friends. All the rooms upstairs were set up for hanging out. Tons of places to sit, different music in each room, a candy bowl for each room and different decoration themes in each. I got attacked by some little green guy with no legs who kept screaming about being hungry. There was a hand stuck in the corner that kept trying to escape and scaring me. There were many fights over the good candy in the candy bowls. We ended up having to switch our bowl out with the one from the hall because it was fuller. We spent a couple hours just mingling with new people, eating tons of junk food and listing to the DJ.
Almost no one there was in a store bought costume. It is so much more interesting to see home made costumes and there are no repeats. Even the few people in store bought costumes had ones that I hadn't seen before and that looked awesome. Candy Corn girl and the Chilean Miner won the costume contest. I didn't even know there was a contest until A handed me a home made candy wreath with a skull hanging in the middle. This thing is seriously the coolest. Runner up prize = kick assness. Be jealous. Or  not. I don't care.
My fishnets kept getting stuck the the chairs I sat in so I ended up sitting on the floor a lot which is way more fun in a tutu. I love poofy tutus. The eliminate the need to sit like a lady cuz you can't see anything through all the poof. I should wear tutus all the time.
There was a long moment where I thought K was going to kill the tv in our room because it was set to 80's music which he apparently hates and we couldn't find a remote to change the channel. He took a chance and turned the tv off and all 8 people in the room stopped talking and looked at him the second he pushed the power button. He turned it back on. War lost.
Eventually everyone started to leave at the same time. I think we were all bloated from eating way too much candy. Bloated girl in a tutu doesn't look cute when she waddles.

Halloween: Night 1

I didn't buy one of those already made, don't have to think about it costumes for Halloween so even though we had a costume party to go to Friday night, Friday was the first time I had put all my costume pieces together and got to see the completed look. I was mostly happy with it, but it changed every time I wore it. For Friday I had on my tutus and a black tank top with shiny shoes and red ribbon tied around my leg to resemble a ballerina. The problem was the stupid ribbons kept falling down off my legs. Even though I had over an hour to get ready before K got to my house (carpooling is awesome) I still hadn't figured out a way to secure my leg ribbons and ended up tying them so tight around my legs that they were leaving marks. Not that I cared as long as they stayed up. But they still weren't.
When K got to my house she ran straight to the bedroom to change in to Minnie Mouse (costumepooling is also awesome) and we were ready to go. Funnily enough C, K and I were all wearing costumes with red and black as the main colors. Because we're awesome like that and like to color coordinate so you can tell we're a team.
We headed out to A and S's after figuring out how to buckle with a fluffy tutu.  Once we got there I handed A the last couple pieces to her costume (I'm telling you, costumepooling is the way to go!). I had to retie my legs....again and after a couple of hallway pics we took off to party in the woods.
D and S just got an awesome chunk of land way out by the moutainish in the woodsish so they hosted an awesome Halloween party. There was already a ton of people there when we got there around 8 and more and more people kept showing up. The drink station was set up in the garage area and there were snacks in the kitchen. We said hello to our friends and ogled Ws kick ass costume. He had no skin. He was wearing a full body leotard with muscles and veins drawn on by hand in the most amazing way. He looked incredible! Time to start drinking. A round of ruby slippers to start followed by jungle juice. We stayed in the house a majority of the time in the beginning because it was certainly cold outside. Plus all the snacks were inside.
We check out the whiteboard and see that Sissy Spacek and Sammy Davis Jr had already stopped by and left a note. Oh and Alf. Great American Super Hero (who is clearly drunk and whose blond curly wig does not at all match his dark beard...) decides to sign too. He grabs a marker and studies the board. "GMH. There. That's how he'd sign it on checks."
Except that GMH isn't the right acronym for Great American Super Hero. But, yea, sure. Whatever you say GMH.
 He really is the absolute BEST quote source ever but I can't keep up with him! By the time I register what he says and try to make a note he's saying something even more funny and I forget the last thing and then he's saying something else. I wish I could have stopped laughing long enough to write some of his gems down. Actually no, I don't wish that because I enjoyed the laughter.
In between the kitchen and living room is a staircase leading downstairs that has no railing. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. You can't? What if I told you K really likes jungle juice?
I don't remember exactly what K was talking to us about but she was all by herself by that dangerous staircase. She took a couple steps back and came close to the stairs. Careful friend. Before I could say anything one foot went down the stairs and in the most graceful move I've witnessed K went from standing on the right side of the stairs to sitting very lady like, legs crossed and all, on the left side all wrapped up in fake webs looking slightly confused but also very calm.
"Hey guys, that didn't happen."
Sorry K. It was too awesome not to write about.
C gets harassed by a small mexican man. He keeps calling her a hot little devil fairy.She seeks refuge inside the house just in time to see Ks graceful drunkenness. We decide to mingle in the garage to keep K away from the dangerous stairs...and get away from the now ruined web decorations.
It seems like everyone is out there. Even Jesus. We catch up with everyone. A tells us how cool we are and how much she loves us and how everyone loves us because we're so awesome. Drunk friends are totally the best for self esteem boosts.
K and I head upstairs to hang out with S where it's not so crowded and we can actually hear each other talk. Drunk K starts asking questions about life and afterlife and all sorts of things her drunk brain are dying to know about. S answers as much as she can and then decides to head back downstairs to the party. K and I get up to head down and everything is fine (though I'm worried about going down the actual stairs because there are no railings out here and  is even more drunk now) until we get to the top of the stairs and she spots a closed door. Drunk curiosity is no fun for sober people. She wants to open the door. I tell her this is someones apartment and we can't just go opening doors. She says it might be a coat closet so what's the harm? It might not be a closet. And it's not our house so we shouldn't just look around. Now K is laughing too hard to try and fight me. She runs back into the room we were sitting in and uses the counter near the wall to steady herself while she laughs her drunk laugh (which, yes, is very different than her sober laugh) I try to help her breath normal and stop laughing so hard so we can make it downstairs.
This process repeats a couple of times. I was literally trapped upstairs with her for like 15 minutes.
She finally promises we can go downstairs and she won't open the door but she will ask S where the door goes as soon as she gets downstairs because she has to pee but maybe she should pee and then ask or ask on her way to pee or pee and then come look on her own. Long sentence? That's how she made the plan. We both make it down the stairs without falling (thank god) and she beelines it to the house to complete the pee part of her plan.
I find C outside and she asks where we've been. I tell her drunk K trapped me in a fit of laughter upstairs. I suppose you would expect me to either be irritated at dealing with a stubborn drunkard or tell me I should have just left her by herself. The truth is while I had a couple of moments or real worry mostly I was laughing just as much as K was. Even when I tried not to her laughing was definitely contagious. I was having as much fun laughing at her craziness as she was.
Now that the bladder has been relieved K is ready for picture taking. She takes the camera and runs off taking pictures or everyone. She beckons me outside to play photographer. We take group pictures, the annual W surround by cleavage pic, pictures of me doing ballerina things and C doing devil fairy things and K climbing the roof (tough to explain to trust me, not nearly as dangerous as it sounds).
K decides it's time to take an adventure walk and it takes 3 of us to convince her it's a bad idea especially considering she's wearing tallish shoes and the road is unpaved. We follow after her trying to get her to stop and she walks in a circle ignoring us. When she's facing the house again she says "See guys, it wasn't that bad". We only walked for like 10 feet. I'm not complaining.
We go inside to warm up and I get kidnapped by K. She steals me away into the bathroom for an impromptu photo shoot. Whoops. forgot the camera. Pretty sure everyone out there thinks something else is going on when K pokes her head out the door and asks someone to hand her the camera. We climb around and take pictures of us hiding and being weird. Lots of weirdness.
After I'm released I grab a soda and K decides to sit down for a minute. Looks like she might have the spins...
She sits on the couch and I chat with people in the kitchen. Someone looks at K sideways and asks if she's going to be ok. I tell them she's fine and just needs to sit for a minute. Then, almost as if to defy me, K gets up and goes outside for fresh air. I go outside to check on her and she is just sitting on a bench soaking up the fresh air. She says shes ok but just needs a minute. I'm freezing so I tell her I'll come back and check on her soon if she doesn't come in. I don't even have to wait that long before A comes in to get me. She says K doesn't look so good so I go out and ask her if she's ready to go home and she says she is. We gather our things (C borrows the best pair of bedazzled devil horns I've seen from A for the weekend and I grab my purse and leg ribbons which have refused to stay on all night) and pile into the car. I make a 49 point turn to get out of the packed unpaved driveway.
K falls asleep quick laying in the back seat while I drive through the curvy roads. As we get closer to town C suggests we stop by the bar for a minute before we get home. Since the bar is on the way home and I don't really want to drive all the way home and then all the way back to the bar like we planned I figure we might as well.
We pull up to the bar just as KJ pappy is taking a smoke break. K says she wants to wait in the car so I leave it running for her and leave the radio on. I contemplate grabbing my purse but we're just going to run up and say hi and K is in the car anyway so I leave it but I take my phone and tell K to text me if she needs me to take her home pronto style. KJ is happy to see us but not happy that we're not staying. It's busier than usual but we might be the only ones there in costume. Good thing I'm not going inside. C runs in to take advantage of the bathroom and I chat with a woman outside while keeping an eye on my running car with sick/drunk K inside. C comes running back outside and we're ready to go. We get in the car and head home.
When we get to the house I realize my purse isn't in the car. I could have sworn it was right here....I look. K looks. We go inside and C looks in the car one more time. K heads straight for PJ's and C and I head back to the bar to see if maybe, possibly, by the grace of some divine being, my purse is in the parking lot there.
Of course it's not. Someone had stolen it. I don't know when, or how because I was outside the whole time, K was in the car and though she was sick and had been wasted, it took us at least 20 minutes to get from the party to the bar (and that's at least. I'm pretty sure it was longer) and she was awake when we got there. She heard us get out and back in the car so she would have heard someone else get into the car...right? I never even went inside the bar. I just don't get it.
Drunk A texts me and tells me I didn't leave my purse at the party. They looked. Thanks for looking guys, but I knew that and I thought I made it clear to her that I didn't leave it there but it's better to check right? My friends are so good to me.
What did I lose? My ribbons for my costume. My awesome frog card holder my mom got me with my ID, debit card, and a few other cards...one of which can't be replaced. Damn it. My last lip gloss (where do all my lip glosses go?), $50 in cash and most devastating at all....my camera. With months worth of pictures on it. That is really the only thing I'm upset about. I'm confused about how it happened and super bummed about losing all those awesome pictures. Things happen though, and it certainly could have been worse. It sucks but I'll live.
I called the bank as soon as I was sure my stuff was gone. Thankfully they have 24 hour customer support. They ask for my account number and I say that my purse was stolen and I just want to cancel my card. They ask for my full name, my address, my social security number, the last deposit I made but because I can't remember the last withdrawal (because I honestly almost never get cash I have no idea the last time I got money out because it was probably weeks ago and I can barely remember what happened yesterday. I just have no concept of time...) they can't confirm that I am really me and won't cancel my card and send me a new one. They will freeze the card so it can't be used but I have to go in to the bank in person to cancel my card. Oh cuz that will totally work with my lack of ID and my lack of cash to get an ID and lack of time to spend at the DMV getting a new ID. Why is this society set up to make things impossible? You need thing a to get thing b but you need thing b in order to get thing a. So dumb.
Since we were already back at the bar we stayed until closing. KJ had a few too many beers and needed a ride home. As we got into my car I notice people getting into the car parked next to mine. A couple people pile in the back seat...and then another squeezes in. The driver gets in. Then the passenger and then someone crawls on top of the passengers lap. They're in a 2 door little teeny tiny compact hatch back car and they are totally packed like sardines. There is no way I can not laugh. At least I can get a good laugh in after I lost my purse. Thanks sardine car.
KJ decided he wasn't ready to go home so we took a couple trips over our favorite bump and tried to catch some air. We had a couple good runs, but we've had better. It's hard to hit the light right in the middle of the night because it's one of those that doesn't change until the sensor is tripped and when you're the only car on the road it's hard to trip it and get enough speed to hit the bump good. Oh well, it was still fun.
KJ wanted to keep driving around but I was low on gas, and with my money being stolen I couldn't fill up so we called it a night.

Pumpkin carving adult style

Last years pumpkin carving party was such a success I knew I had to do it again this year. The only planning I really did was to plan the date. On my way home from work I realized I didn't have even one pumpkin carving kit and those little saws are so handy so I thought I would just stop at the store before going home. Walking into the store I realized I should probably get some snacks for the party too since there wasn't much at the house to snack on. I found some sparkling lemonade on sale and grabbed a couple bottles. Ooh, some chips, maybe these chocolate chip cookies and hey pumpkin chocolate chip? Perfect for a pumpkin carving party I think! Before I knew it I was weighed down with snacks and pizza to cook at home and stuff to drink and some candy. Time to leave before I buy the whole store.
As I walked out the door with my bagged up and already purchased groceries I passed the pumpkin carving station. Damn it!!! I forgot the only freakin thing I came here for! No way am I gonna turn around and go back through the line to buy one thing. Yep, I just left the store without the stupid carving kit. Oh well.
Once I get home I start setting out the snacks and cleaning up a little. Lil K texts and asks if she can bring anything. Well if you're already out and there are carving kits near by....
I pop the pizza in the oven since I'm starving right now and don't plan on waiting for other people so I can eat. The pizza will still be good by the time they get here anyway. Clean up some more and put clothes away while I wait for it to bake. And then it's done and I go to pull it out of the oven and what happens next? Yep, I burn my knuckle on the top of the oven. I burnt myself on the oven roof. Why was my hand even up there?! I have no idea. So now my pinky knuckle has this whiteish greyish scabish thing on it. Hotness.
Everyone starts to show up and just like last year G has a pumpkin to carve and props to go with it. Some kind of potato/squash thing, a tomato and a mister potato head. What is he up to....
They brought a bottle of wine but of course I don't have a wine opener. I really need to get an industrial strength one. G tries to get the cork out with a knife but gives up quickly, which is probably the smartest idea. G and I are amped up to start carving so I get out some newspaper and he sets up a station on the floor in the kitchen. I put some paper down in the living room and then start to cut the pumpkin lid. I opt for the old school "vvv" looking type cut lid. I used a large kitchen knife for this task and L tells me I'm not safe. Psha! The blade is facing away from me! I'm perfectly safe. Whoops...that slice went all the way through the pumpkin.
Like the title suggests, this is pumpkin carving for adults. It's a naughty pumpkin carving party. Last year there was some jungle fever pumpkins (a melon and a squash? Scandalous!) and a vampire whose head was impaled with a penis. Classy stuff people.
G keeps laughing as he carves. I know he's got a plan and it's going to be as good as, if not better, than last years. I got a random Halloween forward text with a few pictures of pornographic pumpkins (I later learned are called pornkins) and saved it just for this. I picked the easiest one to draw and sketched it out on the back of one of the carving stencils that came with the carving kits. Taped it to my pumpkin and used the dotter tool to draw the picture onto my pumpkin. Man, these kits are actually really handy. I hear more giggling from G and lil K comes in to check on his progress. She calls him gross, grabs some snacks and walks back into the living room.
"Oh no! I broke his penis!"
C says "If I didn't know what you were doing in there I would be worried."
Wait, why am I carving on the counter when all my newspaper laid out over there on the floor? Whatever. I'm close to the garbage can and that's important in these kinds of situations.
G and I yell at K2 to start carving. He brought a pumpkin (stolen) and everything and he's not even carving. He comes into the kitchen to see what we're doing and he asks why G needs a tomato. We'll see.
Before I know it G is ready to set up. Yes, his pumpkin needs to be set up. I forgot to get the tea lights out so he has to wait for me to get done. Luckily my design is simple and I'm done in no time. I grab some tea lights and take my pumpkin outside. G already has his lit up and is adjusting the guts. I prop mine up and light the candle. Aw, they look so good!

I know, it's kind of hard to see. The one on the left is mine. The one on the right, G's masterpiece. And mister no face in the back is the pumpkin body guard, generously donated by K2. Let's check em out a little closer shall we?

Fine craftsmanship if I do say so myself. See, it's a girl and a guy and....well if you don't know what's going on I'm not going to spell it out for you. Except to let you know there are 3 arms, 2 are the girls and one is the guys. Not bad eh?

I took a picture of G's in the light so you could see all the details. The story G told us to go along with it goes something like this: So this guy's walking and he trips on a log (he grabs an old pumpkin stem and stuck it in front of his pumpkins feet) and falls down face first onto a penis, impaling his eye. The penis goes all the way through his head and pops out the top of skull and his brains are spilling out.
The tomato was for guts. He used potato heads feet and hat. His eye is squinted in pain from the impaling and he's barfing out blood and guts. Nice. Very nice my friend. That is one heck of a curve on that thing though....
Guess who is now the proud new owner of a mister potato head with no feet or hat? This chick.
So, not as many people came or carved as last year, but I still think it was a great success. I love how creative my friends are. I don't have kids so I can carve pumpkins like this. Also, my neighbors are crack heads and won't even notice since they too are childless and won't be coming to my door for any reason. Well unless they come to borrow eggs and milk again.

Mud surfing with pumpkins

Sunday L, brother A and I headed out to the pumpkin patch on Sauvie's Island. With our trusty rain boots and hats we were ready for a rainy, muddy day hunting for pumpkins. Even parking seems more fun when you're navigating through mud. We decide to take the hay ride out to the pumpkins and stand in line. That's when it started really raining. L used brother A as a shield from the rain and wind. We spy a large puddle not too far away and go to inspect it while brother A holds our spot in line. L checks the depth and I jump. Which splashes her. Whoops.
We finally make it to the hay ride after waiting in line forever behind the kid wearing shorts...and plop our dry butts onto the rain drenched hay. The road is basically a mud river and is pretty fun to watch pass under us. We hop off and start the search. Of course I think we're all looking for pumpkins and find out I'm the only one actually planning on buying one. We walk around and check out what the options are. Brother A does a little accidental mud surfing and then purposely. He almost falls over but catches himself...but when his foot lands on the ground it splashes mud right onto L's face. She makes him clean it off.
Walk around. Pick up pumpkins. Put them back down. Brother A keeps bringing me choices. I'm too picky. That one's not round enough, that one has a scar on his face, that one has a weird thing hanging from it's booty. Where is my perfect pumpkin? Brother A finds a red pumpkin. Cool! Oh, no, wait...it's just an apple. Yes. We are silly.
My feet are coated in muddy muck. My feet look like they should be attached to the creature from the black lagoon.
There he is! The perfect pumpkin. Round, small but not tiny. Light enough for me to carry, no weird scars or dents, good handle. Aw I love my lil punkin!
We start to walk back to the main area and brother A starts jumping in some small puddles. That's all it takes to make me start jumping too. I forgot how fun puddle jumping is! And with rain boots?! So much better!
Jump jump jump jump splash splash splash. Aw crap. I got my jeans muddy. Oh well! Jump jump jump splash splash splash. We walk back to the farm instead of waiting for the hay ride to make it's way back over. We jump in puddles the whole way. My legs are totally muddy. Ew.
I buy my pumpkin (only one freakin dollar!!) and we check out the market. Look at some giant zucchinis and cute teeny pumpkins. No need to buy anything. Head outside and I can't resist at all. I gotta get some corn on the cob. Freakin delish! We all get a cob, slather it in butter and head over to some bales of hay to sit and eat. I love corn on the cob and this stuff was damn tasty. L bought an elephant ear for us to all share and then we finally decided it was time to leave.
It has never felt so good to put on clean dry clothes.