Thursday shore and Goat Mountain.

Everyone knows the best show in the world is on Thursday nights (JERSEY SHORE!!!) so of course we have to celebrate and use it as an excuse to party right? Ok, so maybe not everyone knows, and maybe partying isn't exactly what we do (or did) but whatever. This week we went to Big J's family's house to watch us some good ole trash "reality" tv. They totally have a big screen so heck yes! While we're waiting for him to come pick us up C lets me know there will be children there and they might possibly be a bit energetic, because most children are. A warning is always welcome.
Big J says he'll be to our house soon to pick us up. I don't know why I always forget that boy time is not real time...but soon was not actually soon and was in fact cutting it close. I can't miss my show! Alright, so I can. Especially since a) they replay things all the time on MTV...like all the freakin time and b) I have a DVR and of course it loves me and records all the shows I want to watch. It either loves me...or it just doing what it's told. Whatever.
He finally shows up...just in the nick of time (what the heck does that saying even really mean? the nick of time? what is that?) and off we go. Walking out the door he asks if I'm really wearing heels...which he should know the answer to since his eyes are perfectly functional. I asked if we were going to be walking through rocks or something because if we were going to be inside, I saw no problem with my shoes. Of course we're going to be inside so I don't change my shoes. He says something about wearing heels around kids and C scoffed at him (a real scoff!) and told him I wear heels all the time so not to worry about me. Yea, what she said man. As we're parking he decides to warn me, again, about the children. I'm glad my friends know me well enough to know that I should have a warning before being in the same space as children. Thanks guys.
Walk in, meet some people, sit on a super comfy couch and here come the kids. Joy. Cute. They're definitely cute. Scared of me at first....as usual. Except this time I don't think it was because they felt the evil. This time it was only because I was a new person. Soon enough...like seriously only 5 minutes later...they didn't care that I was new and they gave me and C each a baby doll to play with. Hmmm...My doll basically just sat on my lap. Oooh fun.
The show starts and of course I'm immediately absorbed in the ridiculous awesomeness. Super tan, big hair, tone bodies, stupid immature drama. I mean I have seriously had enough of Sammi being a moron and Ronny being a dick.
I love that show.
I realized a few minutes into the show that the doll was still on my lap....So I pushed it to the other side of the couch. As far as I could get it. 
At some point during the show one of the girls decided I was the person to sit next to while she read a book. Course that only lasted like 2 minutes. The girls mom was holding the other one ( I really don't mean to sound mean when I write about kids...I just don't know their names) and petting her head and she said something to the effect of "does this show seem like a show for little girls? so don't you think you should go in the other room and play?". I thought that was cute. I like when people talk to their kids like they're adults. And that was basically the end of children for the night. Not that we stayed much longer. Big J's brother kept ripping some hard core stank ass so after the show we had to leave or else we might have died from inhaling toxins.
It was still light out when we left and early so of course we couldn't call it a night. That would be just ridiculous. I suggest the river. With a stop home of course because I'm wearing tall shoes. He drives us home and some how the plans change from river to "Goat Mountain". Sure, whatever. We change into more appropriate clothes and both complain about having to wear socks and real shoes. Leave our house and go to his house. He says brb (ok he said be right back...point is we stayed in the car) and then his little brother came out of the house to bother us (not really) until Big J got back. He asked where we were going, why we were going there, how long we were going to be there, why is the sky blue, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and bunch of other questions. We tried to convince him to come with us because the more the merrier and such but we had no luck. Then Big J came out of the house...with a gun. What the hell kind of mountain are we going to??
Brother man decides to be a lame-o and not go to the mountain with us and we take off. We drive forever and half with a stop at a lil store....I think. I gotta be honest here guys...details are a little fuzzy on account of the fact that I'm writing this days after it happened and a lot happened during those between days and with all the fun I've been having I have no idea what happened, when, or who with. So...sorry bout the fuzziness! Ok back to Thursday night at Goat Mountain.
We drive, and drive and drive and drive and I basically have no idea where we are and that is a really weird feeling for me. Civilization quickly turns into farmland which quickly turns into nothing and then we're on a gravel road and an incline. Wanna know why Big J thought we should have gun (don't worry peeps. permit and safeness and all that)? Well so did we. So he told us the stories...About him and his friends going up there....and seeing people in the woods on the side of the road...People jumping out of the woods into the road or the other way around. And one time they found a string going across the road and being a bunch of semi drunk adventurous men that they are, they decided to follow the string...into the woods...where it was tied to a tree WITH A BELL ON IT so whoever set it up could tell when people crossed that road. Ummm....creepy! We all agreed that is some Wrong Turn creepiness. Why are we driving up here again? I am so not getting out of the car.
Back up a few minutes to before we hit the gravel road and woods. We're driving and there is a car a ways behind us. We're not in the city so the roads are dark. And this car...keeps shutting its lights off and then turning them back on. Now that I know the stories...this creeps me out more than just being weird.
Of course, nothing happens with the car. We continue our drive and get into the woods. Lots of gravel, bumpy, dark as hell roads. Thank god for GPS and it's comforting tracking feature. Up this road, down this road, over that way, around here and over there. I would be effed if I had to find my own way out. Of course I'm keeping my eyes open for any sign of weirdos creeping about on the side of the road and of course I see nothing. I'm not at all scared...more excited... I like off road type driving, exploring, and woods so I'm happy as happy thing. We make it to a clearing and he parks. He asks C for the mag lite (I love those things) and does a perimeter check with the light. I watched the light move from almost behind the Jeep all the way around the front, to the other side and then from the start again. I tried to see something but I saw nothing. Suddenly Big J is shutting off the light and putting the car in gear. That's when the radar detector went off. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EFFING WOODS PEOPLE! Why would it do that? We don't know but we were outta there with the quickness. Back through, around, over, up, down through the gate that was once shut after Big J and his friends had driven through it, and back to roads made flatness. I ask what he saw that made him want to leave so quick. He makes us feel smart for not paying attention (which I was trying to but apparently did it wrong) and tells us what he saw. When he shined the light around the car the second time he saw some branches move over there...and then further away from there and then over there too. Too much movement and too fast for it to have been one person or animal. When the light got to the front of the Jeep he saw someone standing in the trees looking at us. Are you effing kidding me?! Oh hell no!
Drive, drive, drive and then pit stop to stretch and pop a squat cuz we're classy ladies like that (and because we've had to pee since the creepy mountain but refused to get out of the car while up there and it would still be a while til we got to somewhere with a bathroom. Somehow I don't think Big J would like it if we peed in his car. Just a hunch). Why is the moon so bright?! People can definitely see us. Good thing there aren't cars on the road. We walk away from the Jeep and almost into the field we're next to and start our ladylike descent to pee stance and BAM car! So we pull our pants back up and laugh which makes us have to pee more. We scramble to look normal as the car passes and once it's out of sight we try again....this time slightly closer to the Jeep. Guess what comes over the hill from the other direction this time? A car! Another scramble and a lot of laughter...sooo close to wetting ourselves. Car is gone and I'm still laughing. Doubled over. Using the Jeep to keep myself from falling over. Somehow C composes herself enough to pee...right next to the jeep this time. I gave up. I'm holding it til I get to a bathroom. We continue driving.
We see some headlights come over a hill a ways in front of us...and then it goes into the dip in the road and we can't see it's headlights anymore...It never came up over the other side of the dip. Big J is just as confused as I am but I suspect there is a road down in the dip part of the road that the car turned onto. Moments later we're in the same dip. Where there are no roads. At all. And I see no dust. That car didn't just drive off to the side and we missed it. It's no where to be seen. Eff this!
Big J says he will never go back to that mountain at night and it will be a long time before he goes back at all. Too much creepiness for him I guess.
So now we head home right? Wrong. Movie time at Big J's house! It's late and his family is asleep so we have to sneak in. Sneaky sneaky! Not so much though...because this chick still has to pee like a pregnant horse.
He makes us pick a movie out of a stack and basket full of choices. Who has a basket full of movies? Weirdo (love you man!). We pick The Proposal because I haven't seen it and who can resist Ryan Reynolds? Hottness. We all 3 cuddle up and watch the movie. Aw, cute. We're like lil kids at a slumber party. Hushing each other to keep quiet, not paying total attention to the movie and continuously looking at the clock to see how late we're up. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again: Being an adult really isn't that much different than being a child, at least in my life (with the obvious exception of mind altering substances, random hookups and eating ice cream for breakfast because there is no one to tell us we can't).
By the time we finish the movie and Big J takes us back home it's like 4 in the morning. Don't I have to work tomorrow? Yep. And I still got sleep, woke up to my alarm, showered and put myself together the same as I would any other day. Because I kick ass ya'll.