Friday

For the first Friday night in October we headed back to our favorite dive bar to see KJ. I had a birthday party to go to at Dukes later in the night and karaoke starts around 9 so we headed there first. Or we tried to. Apparently it had been so long since we were last there we forgot how to get there. Don't judge.We just turned one main street too soon.
When we finally got there it was basically empty. We hugged KJ hello and rejoiced at the fact that creeper Dale was absent. I'm not trying to get creeped out by the inventor of creeping (yes, I am aware that he is not the creepiest and certainly not the inventor of creeping). We sit at the table by the door and watch people sing. There are about 6 people all together at the bar...so there aren't a ton of singers but people are singing...and some of them really shouldn't be. Like that chick... It's just for fun right? So who cares.
I start caring when that woman starts dancing like a stipper all up on the pool table. And then dropped it like it's hot. She is definitely too old for that....and this is definitely not the place to be dancing like that. Watch out. Dale might come in and get excited.
We hang out for a bit with KJ and FJ and before I know it it's time for me to head over to Dukes for N's b-day party. C was going to come with me but decided to stay behind with KJ. He needs company since he just went through a not so nice break up. I hate mean people....
I get a great parking spot right on the street in front of Dukes and head inside. I have a little bit of trouble finding N but when I do it's clear she is enjoying her party. In the drunk kind of way. We hug hello and she almost falls right off her stool. I love my coordinated friends. She shows me her "reserved" signs and tried to tell me something but it sounded like a foreign language. She looked confused for a split second when she realized what had just come out of her mouth and that I couldn't interpret what she was trying to convey and then she burst out into laughter, almost falling off her stool again. Awesome. Lot's of laughter.
KH is somewhere around so I try to find her so we can catch up for a minute. Her friend is a performer for the night and she's there for support. She's angled to have a perfect view of the stage. She tells me her friends set was cut short because of difficulties and miscommunications. We watch some girls ride the bull since she is sitting so close to it. I laugh the hardest, not when someone falls, but when a girl with a super teeny tiny mini skirt hops on (twice because the first hop failed and she slid right off) exposing her....self....to everyone looking. The bull controller man disappears and comes back with a towel for her to cover up with. He even tied it around her back to keep it on. She held on for a while. The towel did NOT help when she fell off. KH talks about her bachelorette party that she had here and how they were much meaner to her when she rode the bull. They're going all slow and steady for the girls riding tonight. Maybe they go based on the length of your skirt.
I head back over to N's party area and yep, she's still drunk. She asks if I want to help her look for the waitress so we wander around but I don't even know who I'm looking for so we go back to the tables and there's the waitress. Good timing. Before long the band on stage is calling N up to sing her happy birthday. Ahh, public humiliation, best served when drunk. She almost trips on a cord but this smart girl wore (sparkly!) flats so she recovers. They start normal. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you... And then they go with their own version.
I'm pretty sure the band just told her they hope she gets some.
I like this band.
I blink my eyes twice and it's an hour later and I have to get back to C and KJ. I hug N goodbye and head back to the bar. I will not forget which street it's on this time.
I get car stalked on the way there. You know, when a car is next to you and you can tell they're trying to get you to look over at them and they just keep pacing you? I looked. All bad. I am so not into you old weirdo man. Stop stalking me. I pretend not to notice him. Luckily the karaoke bar isn't too far away.
Bad news. Dale is there. In full creep mode. I can hear him before I even get out of my car. He's outside the far door smoking...so I pretend I have a very important text to send and sneak in the closer door. C tells me how he creeped her out while I was gone. He got there not too soon after I left. Lucky me.
An older man goes up to sing. What song is this? The best lyrics ever are being sung. "You can't drive around with a tiger in your car. You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd." Then he says some nonsense with no real words. C and I are cheering and laughing. As soon as he's done we make him high five in honor of the best song ever.
Dale starts walking to the front to sing. Somehow we successfully avoid him. This time...
C starts to tell me what he did when I was gone. He kissed her hand again. She started to text and he decided to mock her, pretending to say what she was texting. "I'm with Dale. He's hot but he's bald. He has nice hands and eyes but he's old." Oh yes, he's a creeper.
He gets done singing and grabs a rose from a table by the window and gives it to C. HAHAHAHA! Apparently those roses are leftover from a funeral...How nice.
She starts to tell HJ about this blog and I tell her not to...because Dale is close by and I don't know how technologically advanced his old ass is.
His loud annoying old white guy laugh rings through the whole bar. Ugh. We go outside so C and KJ can smoke. I tag along so I won't get caught alone with Dale.
On our way back in Dale calls Cs name. He asks her if she's going to sing. We mumble and shake our heads and walk inside. He comes in through the far door and starts his annoying off beat snapping. How can someone snap so loud?
For some reason I decide to pet Cs face. Her hair is soft. The man that sung the greatest song ever is singing again. Well, shouting....a new song at us. We have no idea what he's saying.
And then I feel a soft slap on my cheek. Huh. C slapped my face with the rose Dale gave her. We're weird.
Outside again, Dale reintroduces himself to me. Again. Like every other time I see him. I should start giving him fake names. He makes fun of me for wearing boots. They're not even heels. Flat boots. Apparently it's still too warm out for me to wear these. Thanks for the fashion tips creeper. I think the translation is "Why are you covering so much skin? You shouldn't wear boots because I want to see your legs young lady whos name I can never remember. Have we met? I'm Dale. I'm a creeper."
It's his turn to sing so he goes inside. I go back in to talk to C and Dale is giving us nail polish advice instead of singing. Dark colors for fall. You don't wear dark colors in the summer. Only fall and winter. WTF man?! During this conversation he shakes Cs hand at least 3 times. KJ has to remind him to sing in order to get him away from us. Thanks KJ. We start to formulate a plan to leave while he sings so he won't notice us leave. And then he dedicates his song to me. Oh boy. He snaps his loud snap while he sings. He mocks my laugh and modifies the song "Pride and Joy" just for me. "She's wearing gray suede boots".
S distracts us from the terror by telling us a story about his tattoo. "We end up on the floor. Yadda yadda yadda, I end up choking the guy out" said with basically no emotion. Like this is just something that happens from time to time in his life.
Man who sung the greatest song ever talks to us before he leaves. We tell him if he comes back and we're here he MUST sing that song again. Every time we see him. He laughs and slips into song. "You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd...cuz your wheel will get stuck in a buffalo turd! Hahaha I dropped that like an anvil!"
Suddenly Dale is next to me. I'm trying to text and he decides to mock me like he did with C. I put my phone back in my purse and he says "No, no you have to send this to your friend. Send this. Get ready. Send this." Uh...Cs phone is right in front of me so I pick it up and start a text to myself. I plan to use it for this blog. He has no idea that this isn't my phone or that I'm sending the text to myself. He says" Ok. I just met a guy named Dale. He has a great hat. You got that? Great hat. But he's too old for me. Hahaha Even though he's old..." Lots of slow old man loud laughter and then "even though he's old...He's got a great ass!"
And now I'm totally uncomfortable. I'm laughing my crazy nervous laughter. He finally walks away. Oh man that was scary. C and KJ are laughing. Funny. You know what the funniest part was? I'm not used to Cs phone so the text I sent myself basically made no sense. Want to see? Too bad, I'm going to show you anyway.
I judt met a guy named d;ale. He has a gre+ hat. But hes too old for me. Even thiugh hez old hes got  a great ass
Nice right?
KJ calls the next singers up. They don't seem to hear him. He calls them again. He has a microphone and there are now a total of like 10 people in the bar. They can definitely hear him. He asks again. One of the singers moves slightly closer. He waits a minute...They make it one table closer and then start talking to a boy. KJ calls them again and again and they don't even acknowledge him. I mean, they couldn't even just say oh hey, one sec. Nothing. So KJ says ok we're shutting down for the night then. Since the last singers don't want to sing. I say good call man. Now one of the girls is mad at him. She is way drunk. He says something about he called 400 times and no one said anything and she yells something like "well you should call us 400 and TWO times then. She quickly forgets and starts to tell a terrible drunk story to another drunk person. They decide to take shots. She yells loudly about a lemon and then I see her stick a whole lemon slice in her mouth. She makes a squinty face and says BLECH and then it looks like she tries to eat that boys shoulder. She definitely has her crazy eyes on. This is probably a good time to leave.