Yep, I'm moving, again. This time though, it's the biggest move of my life.
I'm moving to Florida.
Next month.
The end of next month, but next month still.
Why?
Why not?
This last year has been a year of major growth for me. Mentally more than anything. I've dealt with some loss. I've gotten over some of my own mental hurdles. I've learned more about who I am and what I want out of life. I know there is still much more for me to experience and learn. I know I have a good life and I'm blessed in so many ways. One of the things I'm blessed with is the ability to go out and explore.
Since the first time I visited J in Florida, I've had this need within myself to not just go back there, but to go everywhere and (almost) anywhere. I've been back to visit her and since I have a friend there, it's an easy place for me to head out on my own, without feeling completely alone. It's such a drastically different place than Portland, the place I've called home for most of my life. It feels so tropical to my northwestern roots. I'm so used to the rain and being cold a majority of the time. The beaches there are so warm and inviting. Even in December. Not like the beaches here. Which I do love... but different can be just as good, if not better.
I only made this decision a few months ago, and I've kept it pretty quiet while I've started to make little changes in my life. Since I've made the decision to move across the country, basically as far away from the only home I've really known as I can get, I've really felt myself living in the present. It always seemed like such a cliche before. Living in the present. How can you do anything but? You're only aware of the present right? Wrong.
I no longer find myself worrying about things that don't really matter in the long run. I'm able to set aside worries in order to really enjoy the moments I'm in. I can let go of frustrations easier (most of the time). I don't look to my past with regret and shoulda-woulda-couldas. I enjoy what is right in front of me while I still plan and prepare for my future. The future I want. The future I'm choosing. I could easily stay in the life I have right now. It's an awesome one. I don't have a lot of drama or stress on a day to day basis. I have good people in my life and I have a lot of fun. That doesn't mean I can't want for more. That doesn't mean I can't have more. I want more. So I'm gonna go get me some more.
I can always come back home if I don't like it. Or I can go somewhere completely different. That's the beauty of it all.
It's totally my choice.
While I'm super excited for this change, and the journey of getting there, it's still a hard decision to make. It's hard because I have such a good life. It's hard because the more comfortable I get being myself, the more I enjoy the life I have now, which makes it harder to leave behind. It's hard because I'm comfortable in my life right now, and it's hard to leave your comfort zone, even for something that excites you. It's hard knowing I won't be able to just hang out with the people I'm close with whenever I want. It's hard to leave my family behind. It's hard to leave behind my second family and home, otherwise known as work. And it's hard knowing how hard it will be to find a work environment like the one I have here.
None of this is enough to scare me into not going. I'm not going to let fear hold me back (as long as that fear isn't in the form of something with eight legs and fangs. THEY ALL HAVE FANGS SO SHUT UP).
Look, here's the deal. I'm moving across country. It's scary and so exhilarating. I don't have a set plan. I don't have a job lined up. I don't have an end date for this adventure. I have a place to say (love you boo) and an end date to my life here in Portland. I have a plan to road trip down there with my dog in tow, J by my side, and of course as many shoes as I can fit into whatever vehicle I end up taking.
I know to some, this would seem like a silly, maybe stupid thing to do. To some, it's an exciting adventure everyone should try. Some people support my move wholeheartedly, and some support me with with a side of guilt. Some try to talk me out of it sarcastically, some don't want to acknowledge it at all. No matter how you choose to support me, I'm so very appreciative of all the support I get. I'm so grateful for the life I have now, and I'm so excited to see what changes this move brings to my life in the future.
Don't worry, I'll be back for visits. And no matter what, this is my home. This is the place that I love and I will miss so very much. I have no doubt at some point I'll move back here. Just don't ask me when, cuz I don't have a clue.
Wish me luck!
