Fire night #2

Big J and C pick me up at my house. I am so ready for another fire, and I hear...there's a trampoline where we're going! So excited!! Drive forever and a day. Rocking out to random music of course. We drive to boy C's house. It's far away. And holy hell it's cold out. I'm glad I grabbed this sweater. The boys make plans and then change them and then make new plans and then boy C's brother comes outside. He's sleepy. They've all already been playing and having fun. Time to wake up and have more fun!
Walk to the back yard and there's the trampoline. I'm in love. I really love those things. C hops right on and I follow. Fire? What fire? I have a trampoline. I don't need a fire. Seriously though, I had to take my sweater off after like 5 minutes.
Bouncy bouncy bouncy! C and I bounce alone for a few minutes while they build a fire next to the trampoline. We giggle a lot. Jumping on these things is the coolest. Really. I love it. We almost run into each other then we laugh then we jump then we get a lot of air then we giggle and then we jump some more. Then Big J gets on the trampoline. And now we're getting A LOT of air. C is basically above our heads. Craziness! Then she almost dies, but doesn't. Boy C gets on and someone says something about the weight limit on this thing. No worries! They've had 10 people on here before. Holy crap. Were they all jumping though? That's what really important here.
Keep jumping. Almost die. C almost dies. Someone gets kicked. I get an elbow to the arm. Totally gonna bruise. Big J almost loses his manhood a couple times.
Take a break and lay on the trampoline. The moon is bright and the stars are out. I could totally sleep out here. Roll around like loons and then jump some more. Have to pee. Jump some more. Take a break. Jump some more. Then big J tells us we have 2 minutes. 2 minutes? Again, I'm a child and have to be told when to stop playing. Apparently we're being too loud and we need to stop giggling so much because grandma can't sleep.
Fine.
We all climb into the car and head to Mcdonalds and Safeway. Drive drive drive. Safeway. Is closed. Lovely. On to Mcdonalds. Big J contemplates driving through the drive thru backwards. It can be done. But will you get in trouble? We don't do it, so calm down. Get to the menu and they tell us they are only accepting cash right now. Guess who doesn't have cash? A car full of us. That's who. Contemplate stealing a case of water from Safeway. We don't do it. Quit getting so worked up.
We drive to the gas station where the crazy man was the other night. We hope he's there again. He's not. Sad day. Boy C goes in to get himself some food. Pizza sticks...I think. Whatever.
We drop boy C and brother man off. Then Big J drops C and I off at home. So much fun. I NEED a trampoline. I know one of you wants to buy me one. Please?
Apparently J ended up locked out of his house. He slept in his Jeep. Silly man! Shoulda just come back to our house and woke us up. Oh well. Too late now.

Wanna see my notes for this night? Here you go.

Go to boy C's. It's far away.
Cold. Walk to the back. TRAMPOLINE! Jumpy jumpy! they build fire. We giggle. A lot. Jump jump jump. Scared. Life flashing before our eyes. C almost dies 4 times. Go to mcdonalds and safeway. Safeway is closed. Mcdonalds can only take cash. we have no cash. Leave. go to gas station. Hope crazy man is there. he's not. drop off boy c and his brother. Big J drops us off. Then apparently gets locked out of his house and sleeps in his car. Silly. Shoulda just woke us up.

Sunday

I slept in again. Because I love sleep. I decide to watch some tv before even getting out of bed because I am that much of a bum. Well whaddya know. Wrong Turn is on. Hahahaha! And after that is Wrong Turn 2. I've never seen that one but C says it is disgusting. I have nothing to do until tonight when I go to Vancouver for T's husbands birthday party. (See? I told you everyone has a birthday in August) Since I don't have to be there til later on I can be extra lazy and not shower right away. I text T to see what time I should be there and then C comes in to go use the bathroom (my house isn't built well for 2 people to be living there....it's just not built well at all actually) and I tell her I'm watching Wrong Turn. She laughs and then I tell her I'm going to watch the second one next. She makes a face. That movie must be really raunch. She says she'll watch it with me. Sweetness.
I text Big J to let him know we're watching it. I think it's funny since we kept talking about these movies when we were up at Goat Mountain so I figure he'll think it's funny too. He says the second one is on next and he's excited to watch. Then all of a sudden he can't because his family is home. Psha! Come to my house and watch it!
Well if we're going to have company I am definitely going to shower. So much for lounging. I mean...it is like 2 in the afternoon so I guess getting up isn't that big of a deal. Such a bum. I shower for about a million years and C has the second movie paused waiting for Big J and I to get our acts together.
I still haven't heard back from T so I text birthday boy to see what time I should show up.
J finally shows up (I always forget he runs on boy time...) and we get to start the movie.
Have you ever seen it? Ew.
I text T's sister Ju because I still haven't heard from T or D. No answer of course. About a third of the way through the movie I get a message on facebook from T about the party tonight. Thank god my phone gets a text when I get something on facebook because I would not have thought to look on there for info. Turns out their phones are off and that's why they didn't respond. Party is at 7. Coolness. I can finish the movie.
Which is disgusting. It's not a scary movie (even though there are a couple parts that are a little jump inducing). It's a gory movie. Like nasty icky sick gross gory. Like more than once I really almost threw up. Blech!
The movie ends and some how I made it through without losing my cookies (which incidentally, I made during the movie, because what's better on a lazy Sunday than time with friends, a movie and fresh baked cookies?). I get ready to go to T's for the party. I always feel weird when I drive in the day light if it's not to or from work...
I'm the first one to the house. I haven't seen these guys in so long! Baby V has gotten so big! And she smiles basically non stop. Freakin adorable. Turns out D's friends aren't getting there til around 8:30 or 9. They're lucky I love them and miss them or else I might be mad. D starts the briquettes for the BBQ. OMG YESSSS! They're feeding me burgers. I hope this one knows how to bbq...I tell them about the raw chicken from the day before. Apparently that makes D paranoid and he asks for help determining when the coals are ready. I help him stack them and he lights them and then we Wii bowl. I love the Wii.
We don't play normal bowling, but instead play 100 pin bowling. Oooh challenge. After a couple swings I get the hang of it and end up getting a turkey. Nice! We are having a Wii bowling tournament for the party so I'm glad I got the hang of it.
Baby needs to be fed so T disappears for a while. I like that they still breast feed. I think people don't breast feed long enough nowadays. Of course, I'm not a mom so what do I know right?
D checks the bbq and asks for my input. Totally not ready. Give it more time.
We chat. They give me chocolate cake. They're not enough of it for everyone but I'm VIP and they know my addiction to chocolate all too well so I get a piece. It was totally scrumptious.
Check the bbq again. D says he doubted me but it turns out I'm right and the briquettes did stay lit and they did turn gray all the way to the edges. Have faith young grasshopper. He flattens the coals out and now we're ready to cook. He keeps checking out the door to see if his friends are there yet. If they showed up now they would still be early. He's antsy. He's afraid no one will show up. I tell him if he keeps fearing it, it will happen so just relax and know that they will come. Guess who's right again? They show up. A lot of them. They bring gifts of the alcoholic nature. Good choice. D takes a swig directly from the bottle right as T comes out from putting the baby down to sleep. She says they have shot glasses. He knew that. He didn't care.
I introduce myself to his friends as they come in the kitchen. I'm Kay. Hi, I'm Kay. Kay, nice to meet you. Then Dan comes in and announces "everyone, this (points to me) is Muscles." Oohs and aahs happen. Awesome. Yep. That's what I meant by Kay. I meant Muscles. That's me. They know of me. And have been waiting to meet me. Coolness. No pressure.
Let the Wii bowling tourney start! Don't worry D, I'll watch the grill because apparently I'm part man and know how to do things that other men don't. No raw chicken today! Ok, so there's no chicken anyway. T and I go outside to keep an eye on the burgers. I make her my assistant. She gets me a plate, and cheese slices for the burgers. Get a batch done and put the second round on. I'm glad T is hanging out with me by the grill. I miss her face mega time. Ooh it's out turn to bowl!
Ah crap! Where did all my skill from earlier go? I suck. I can't even get the thing to work right. It hates me. This is lame. I suck. No strikes for me. T wins. I'm out of the running already. Way to make a stellar first impression kiddo. Back to grilling. They say the burgers are good. You're welcome. Finish cooking and make a special burger for myself. Build it and eat it and it's so tasty.
It's getting late and I should get some sleep since I have to work in the morning. T tells me I can't leave. I love her. We plan a date night for later in the week and I make my way back home. I'm finally starting to get the hang of the highways in Vancouver. I like when I know my way around. It makes me happy. Like a clam. A happy one.
Apparently D ended up winning the tournament. Think it was rigged?

Saturday birthday madness

Did you know that everyone and their niece's birthday is in August? Well, it's true.

I slept in, like I always do on the weekends. And let's face it, if anyone needs to sleep in it's this chick. And C. But she has sleep issues and can't sleep in. Maybe if she was in a bed and not a couch....just a thought. I slept until 1. It was amazing. I love my heaven bed and my dark room. Perfect for sleeping.
First up for the day, we're going to C's niece's birthday party....in Beaverton. Why do I hate that place so much? Probably because I'm never really out there. I try to get a hold of B so I can get the address because I don't want to get lost out there but she doesn't answer her texts, or calls apparently. Of course the address isn't on the invite because that would just be silly. Too late now. Time to leave. Party starts at 3 and getting out to BFE takes some time. So without directions, we take off. C is fairly certain if I can get to TV Highway we will have no problem because she remembers how to get there from that point. Well...Shouldn't be too hard.
We took the wrong exit but it actually ended up working out and we didn't have to turn around or anything. Awesome! We made it. We go up to B's apartment, whos door is standing wide open. We walk in and no one is in there, but we can hear them all out back and see them through the window so we head back downstairs. On the stairs...creepy neighbor man peeks his head out the window and asks if we're looking for B and tells us where we can find her. Thanks helpful creeper, but we got it.
Walk around back and BLAMO! There are kids everywhere. We say hi to B and settle in. There are at least 6 kids out here...That table over there is empty and not surrounded by kids so that's where I want to sit, naturally. We are both starving so we were hoping that the food would be done by the time we got there but no such luck. We contemplate eating plain buns...
More people show up, with more children. There are so many of them! The birthday girl (2 years old today) is late. I felt a little weird sitting at a table far away from everyone else...I feel like they think I'm snotty. I'm not. I just don't know any of them and I don't like kids. Birthday girl makes it to the party and B puts on her birthday tiara and sash, Dora the Explorer style. C loves this girl so she plays with her and since we're sitting together shes right there in front of my face. She did that thing where she looked into my soul again. Decided she was better off playing with the other 11 kids (that's a real number people! There were 12 effing kids there! That's total overload for me.) Then I hear crying. Yep, that's what little ones do. Took longer than I would have expected for the crying to start. I decide to make a game of it. I start a crying count. And then a pout count because one girl likes to pout. She is now The Pouter.
The kids run, and play, and fight, and play, and fight, and cry, and play, and run. Fun...
Up to this point it has just been the children, their mothers and C and I outside. Then some of the husbands/boyfriends/whatever they are came out. And drinks began to get made, and drank. The guys started the bbq (yay! food!) and I just watched. The flames are mega tall in the bbq...the briquettes have only been lit for a few minutes...but that's apparently enough to put the chicken on to cook.
Are you serious fellas? Yep, they are. Heaps of chicken are now on the que-er. I can see them burning from here. I'm definitely not having chicken. I'll just keep munching on these chips over here in my safe zone. And this potato salad. This stuff is deliciousness. The first batch of deadly chicken comes off the grill (after only cooking for like 10 minutes. I mean...it is chicken guys. Chicken isn't one of those things you can eat medium rare and be ok.). B, C and I (it's like a wacky alphabet game with these names) go to check it out. B yells at the boys to re cook this chicken. She pulls apart a piece to check it's cookedness. It's undercookedness. It's still totally rubbery. And disgusting. I don't care if they do put it back on the grill. I am so not eating that. No salmonella for me! I'll just wait for the burgers to cook.
Looks like hot dogs are up next. B tells us to stop being anti-social (ok, maybe she didn't say anything like that) and we move to the table full of moms. We are seriously the only people there without kids.
Thanks to the conversations I forget about waiting for food and just hang out. Then a giant BOWL of hot dogs is on the food table. A heaping bowl of hot dogs. Whatever. I'm hungry. Oh cool...they're all burnt. It's cool, you can peel the burn off. Bun, ketchup, hot dog. Eat. Not bad.
I'm still waiting for a burger. Sounds so good. Oh....they're putting the bbq away. So...all those burgers....are...for no one? It's all good. I seriously filled up on potato salad anyway....nummy nummy potato salad.
B's daughter wanted some chicken. It's definitely cooked all the way now so she gets a drumstick. And she continues to play with the kids. With a drum stick in her hand. That kid is awesome. She ends up leaving the now meatless drumstick on a chair after running around with it for about a million years. Or 20 minutes. Whatever.
More than a few times kids would disappear around the corner of the apartments...and someone would have to go catch the runaway. I tried to tell them one of the babies was escaping but I didn't know whos baby it was, or what her name was and no one seemed to hear me say "the baby's getting away" and when she disappeared around the corner I had to run after her because I didn't want her to get too far or something. I ran and I heard C tell me the baby probably wasn't getting anywhere fast and now that she mentioned it she was right. That baby obviously still didn't know how to work her legs properly. When I made it around the building she was just standing (well wobbling really) near a bush off the sidewalk. I snatched her up and starting walking back the other way. Those things sure are squirmy.
I had to chase that same one again and then the birthday girl too. Birthday girl thought it was funny and we were playing a game so she tried to get away a lot and giggled a lot too. Funny, kid.
At some point in the afternoon one girl decided I was a-ok and started to tell me her life story. About the time she bit her lip real bad, about something else and then about something else. I tried to hold a conversation. But I'm just not good at relating to children. Kind of ironic since I am a kid and play with hula hoops, bubbles and glow sticks on a regular basis.
Now it's time for the pinatas (imagine a squiggly over that word mmk?). No, I will not be hitting the pinata. Especially if B keeps her camera out. I have enough terrible pictures of me and pinatas ok? We're sitting and talking while the guys and B start getting the pinatas ready.
I see B go inside. I see B come back with bags of candy. I assume she is going to fill the pinatas....more conversation. I see children playing with the pinatas. There is no adult....hmmmm this could be bad. There's some yelling and then some shouting and then we find out B told them to help fill the pinatas while she looked for something to hang them up with. They're not stealing candy. They're being helpful. Do kids do that now a days? Now I see the boys walk around the corner....with tow straps...to hang the pinatas? Ooook then. Now I see the guys trying to throw the tow straps into a tree to hang up the pinatas. These guys are just not very coordinated. After more than a few tries there are now 2 tow straps in the tree. Im not really sure how they're going to hang anything from them...but whatever. I guess they're not sure either because they walk away without hanging anything.
Someone comes around the corner and informs the rest of us that there is some drama going down in the front. Apparently some neighbor assholes called the manager on B and the whole party. He says we're not allowed to drink here. Uhhh say what now? The neighbors that called the manager, are the same neighbors that helped B make the margaritas and daiquiris. He's screaming and cursing in front of the kids. Someone goes and rounds up the kids and brings them into the back.They play some more. B comes back and clearly she's been crying. Where's that manager? Imma punch him in his jugular...Just kidding. It's time for cake! There is a sheet cake (with Dora of course) and a small super purple personal cake (with Dora) just for the birthday girl. The kids all surround the table with the cakes (naturally). They take birthday girls cute little white shirt off so she doesn't get it dirty. Smart...kids are kinda messy. She stands on a chair in front of the cakes and we all sing her happy birthday. The guy holding her....and the purple cake....starts to try and push her face into the cake. She resists. Smart girl. He brings the cake up to her face since he can't get her face to the cake. And now her face is totally purple and she's crying. He's laughing and complaining about getting frosting on his ear and shirt. That's what you get for turning her purple. So, ha! She has frosting in her eye. In her eye. Her eye people! Someone help a sista out! Napkins...we need napkins...I find napkins and hand them off. They wipe the frosting out of her eye...but leave the rest. How nice.... C takes a picture of her and she looks super confused when she sees the picture. She knows that her face shouldn't be so purple and streaky. She points to her face in the picture and says "mess". Um that's cute. Finally, after 10 minutes of being Barney-tastic the moms finally work together and find some wet wipes and wipe her face off. Good thing she probably won't remember that trauma.
We can't stay for pinata fun or cake. (By the way, the crying count is 12, not counting adults, and I caught the pouter pouting 3 times.) We have to go get ready for L's bday back in Portland. C washes her hair and I put heels on. L is wearing heels and that's all the excuse I need to put some on. Yay heels! We head out to pick up L and her cousin. We head to a bar we've never been to before and we're not exactly sure where it is but we find it just fine. It's pretty awesome. Big, lots of seating. Pool tables, ping pong tables, shuffle board. We take a booth and the waiter eventually comes over to take out order. L is an alcohol snob so she asks if they have this certain vodka.
Nope.
Ok well about this kind?
Nope.
Awesome... So what about this stuff?
Nope.
Ok surprise me with something fruity then. (I get a water and a burger because I'm still craving one from earlier).
He walks away and L puts her glasses on and starts to look at the bottles they have up at the bar. She sees the first kind of vodka she asked for. Then the second one. Now she's mad. Uh oh...watch out. She didn't get the name "mean one" for nothing! (ok, well kind of but that's a different story) She comes back and he will forever be the waiter that knows nothing. She's so sweet.
We have to move because more people are coming. We start to head towards an area of couches that is just opening up. ooh cushy! Nope. L wants to sit at this other long booth because it will fit more people. Fine, fine. She's right. We totally need this booth. It fills up fast. Shots get taken. I eat my burger. M gets some cheesy fries. Time to move on to a different bar. Damn...there are a lot of cute guys here too. Oh well. This place is too spendy and it would be cheaper for everyone to get drunk at the bar close to L's house. We all meet up at the second bar. We sit outside. Just kidding...we move inside. We take over an entire corner of the bar. A guy walks in that apparently knows L and he starts singing her happy birthday. Later he brings her a drink, which from the look on everyone's face when they tried it, was disgusting. L still drank it. Free alcohol! She didn't finish it though, her cousin did. More people come. We all have fun. Play a little musical chairs. Things start to break up around midnight. C and I head home, but not to sleep. It's time for a bonfire! Stoked!
I put pants on (no, I wasn't running around naked. I wore a dress so quit being silly) and we put shoes on (ew) and drove off to meet Big J. Of course his directions are the most vague things ever in history and I have no idea where I'm supposed to be going.
Go to the top of the hill in Oregon City.
Like...by the hospital?
No.
Ok...
Take the exit after the high rocks one.
I don't know which exit that is. I've never driven there. So I guess and take this exit. Hope it's right. Drive drive drive....
Meet at the 76 station.
Uh...that one? Ok...No sign of the Jeep. We must have beat him here. Oh...now we're meeting at some store I've never heard of. Yes, please let's talk on the phone instead of texting. That's a much better idea. Just keep driving...ok.
Drive drive drive. Bam! Store I've never heard of. Sweet! We pull in the same time as Big J. Leave my car and head to boy C's house to get H and not so big J. And guns...why do we need those? Where are we going?
Goat mountain?! I could have sworn Big J said he wasn't ever going back there at night. It's only been like a day. Why are we going back? Oh, we're not going to the same spot. It's a big mountain. We are going to the other side of it. Alright....
Pit stop at the gas station for drinks and snacks. C and I stay in the car. I hear some mumbling...I think someone is yelling. I look and there's a guy at the picnic bench by the road and he seems to be taking his shirt off. It's the middle of the night. Wtf? He's yelling. And flailing around. The boys come out and they're laughing really hard because they can hear what the crazy guy is saying. Big J comes and opens my door so I can hear it too. We're all quiet and we listen.
"I'm part Sasquatch even though I'm only 5' 4""
Flail flail scream scream nonsense nonsense. Fun fella.
Boys get in the car and they tell us crazy guy was saying something about "my brown eyes will get you home through the stars in my spaceship". Well okie dokie then. Fun. Of course we take the long way out of the gas station so we can pass him and listen some more. As we pass I see him taking a shoe off. Only one though. We discuss the possibility of popping some popcorn and hanging out across the street just watching Sasquatch spaceship man. Maybe another day. Right now it's time for....FIYAH!
Drive drive drive. Up, around, down, over, rocky, trees, STOP! That's a steep ass hill! You wanna check it out on foot? Well I am definitely not staying in the car if all the boys are leaving. That doesn't make me feel safe. The boys take the lead and I take a few steps and find some loose gravel with my foot and slip a little. Time for me to go back up the hill. I'll just stay in the car. The boys disappear from sight....and come back a few minutes later. As they get in the car I hear Big J say "that was just really weird". What was weird? I don't really want to know, so I don't ask this time.
Drive drive drive. Up, around, over, bumpy up, bumpy down, barrier, turn around, up, down, around....hey this looks kind of familiar...why does this look familiar? Ah crap. This is the clearing where Big J saw the guy in the trees. Why are we here? At least this time there are 2 cars and 3 boys and more guns...We roll down the windows and talk to not so big J through the open windows. H is feeling nauseous. We should find a place to have a fire now. Radar detectors start going off again. Can we go now?
Yes. Good.
Drive drive drive. Up, around, look for pond, can't get to it through the barrier, turn around, drive drive drive. Finally, found a spot. Time for fire! Yesssssss. H stays in the car until the fire gets built, but from what I hear she heard footsteps outside her Jeep when we were all exploring that steep hill. She couldn't see any of us and there were footsteps outside the Jeep. Scary! There is a lot of wood here for burning. Fire starts blazing (with help from a flare) and thank god because without the fire it is super mega dark out here and these woods are creepy and I can hear sounds and did I mention I'm scared of the dark because I totally am (see? I'm a child in more than one way).
Not so big J goes to wake up H but instead comes back with sunflower seeds and marshmallows. H still wants to sleep so we hang out by the fire spitting out shells and roasting mallows. Nummy. Now the boys want to play...with axes. Men are silly. C stays by the fire to stay warm. I follow the boys with a flashlight because I like light. Choppy choppy! I can't lie....I am always ok with men being manly and they were all being pretty manly. Double nummy.
Now that it's starting to get light out it's probably time to head home. Poor H never felt good enough to get out of the Jeep. I wonder if the fresh air would have helped... Drive drive drive. Much easier to get out than it was to find the bonfire place. Drop off boy C, get dropped off at my car, go home and sleep. Ahhhh sleep.

This is the second time I wrote this. I had it all finished and then my computer crashed and I lost all of it. I was pissed. Not cool computer. Not cool.

Friday

Pretty tame night for us. Of course we decide on going to karaoke. It's been forever and a year since we were last there and we miss mister KJ. I get home from work and have a flash of genius...we should definitely go to the park in Gresham and swing before going to the bar. Of course C loves that idea because those are her favorite swings and she is a swinging champ. I have another flash of genius. I may or may not have had a special brownie waiting for me to devour it...and I decided tonight was the night to go for it. That's right my friends. I eat it before we leave so that it will hit when we're at the bar and it will be worn off by the time we leave. Smartness. C has a couple beers so we're on the same page.
Off we go to the park. We pull into the parking lot and are faced with quite a surprise. It's movie in the park night here. Damn...Now we're scared the swings will be taken. I want to swing damn it.
Somehow, with all these people, there is still a parking spot right in the front of the lot. Sweetness. It's too dark to see the swings from where we are so we have to get out and walk to them to know if we can actually swing of not. They're playing Jouney to the Center of the Earth. Random... There is one swing open as we start walking. Then 2 swings. Yessss! Now we're power walking to get there because we must swing. We're not leaving without swinging and no one is going to take our swings damn it!
Before we get too much fun in the other half of the swings open up and I know those are the ones C prefers so we get up and scootch over and get to swinging. Before long we're giggling like lunatics. Why you ask? Because when we swing, we mean business. See, the trick is to get yourself up really high in the air and then when you feel like you can't go any higher do a lil twist and before you know it you're flying around totally out of control but not really. It's amazing and a ton of fun. Course, the movie was just ending as we got to the good part of swinging so as we start laughing people are now starting to walk by. Don't be jealous cuz we're having more fun than you guys! Quit judging!
Some guy on a microphone started talking. Thanking people for coming and announced that this movie was not put on by the city of Gresham but was actually sponsored by a church or church group. Then he let us all know that there were free bibles available up front. No thanks, I'll just keep swinging. We swung for a bit and then we got tired...and are hands started cramping from holding the swing chains so we headed to karaoke. Even with all the people there, and the movie just ending, I had no trouble getting the car out of the parking lot. Though I did kinda cut someone off. Who cares (probably the person I cut off right?). By the time we make it to karaoke the brownie has definitely kicked in. How can we tell? Because when we get out of the car, after laughing about something, I try to explain something to C but all that comes out of my mouth is a long string of gibberish. Like, the thoughts in my mind made perfect sense but when I opened my mouth to share them I stuttered because I said the wrong syllable and then my mouth just kept talking. It was basically a full sentence without one single real word. C looked at me and said "what?!" and then I was almost on the ground, laughing. My purse was definitely on the ground. Seriously funny stuff people.
I compose myself, slightly, and we finally make it into the bar.
Damn, it's dead in here! There are like 4 people in the bar, counting the bartender...who isn't the usual bartender. I'm ok with that because the usual bartender basically sucks booty. I mean, I don't drink so it doesn't matter to me if I can't get the bartenders attention but I mean come on. Do your job chick! And what if I wanted a soda? Or perhaps some water? Not gonna happen with the usual bartender.
We hug J hello and take the chance to pee (tmi? I dont care) and sit at our usual table. Yes, we have a usual table.  J comes and hangs out with us for a minute. Complains about the place being so dead and tells us the new bartender is actually just a stand in and usual bartender is just off for this week. Awesome. He pushes his beer to C and then he goes to sing a song. Stand in bartender comes to the table and asks is we want anything. Take that usual tender! You suck. We don't want anything, but I enjoy good customer service anyway. C texts Big J to see if he's going to come to the bar. Heck yes he is! Sweetness. None of the regulars are around except for us and the boss man. Big J makes it to the bar not too soon after we got there. We hang out for a bit.
Why are we outside? I have no idea. Don't ask brownie girl questions because she doesn't know the answers. Anyway, we're outside with boss man, J and Big J and we're talking about how dead the place is. Their solution: replace the pool table with a little pool and have me and C jello/mud wrestle to entice newcomers to the bar. Can you feel my eyes rolling people? Ha ha. Har de har har. More eye rolling too. Lot's of it.
By midnight J is packing up the karaoke stuff because it's just too dead. Big J tried to get me to sing. Soooooo not gonna happen. Then he made fun of me because I was apparently staring at random things like a weirdo. He says he likes when I eat brownies. I'm entertaining. Gee, thanks.
Karaoke is over so what do we decide? Go back to the park! Duh! Hug J goodbye and Big J drives (again. I love him for always driving us around!). Probably the smartest idea really until the brownie is totally out of my system anyway.
He always parks at the top of the hill and we start to walk around the skate park up there when I notice C hesitating and looking at the skate bowl. She mentions something about walking through it and then keeps walking around it and I stop...let's do it! Big J says we're going to hurt ourselves. Thanks for the confidence boost homie. We hop in onto a flat part and are faced with a rounded spot. C slides down and then I go. ummm that is way fun! Now we're giggling and crawling up the other side. Way harder...Eventually we make it out and down the hill to the swings.
Swing swing swing. Twist! Swing swing swing...TWIST! Hahahahahahahaha! Love it. Our hands hurt....I'm swinging upside down. Then so is C. The world looks different upside down. For some reason Big J thinks that statement is super funny. Off the swings. Over to the play structure. I found a log roll! More giggling. Play on the balance beam, climb up the weirdo loopy ladder thinger, watch C try to go down the slide but it takes forever. Seems like they make these things for small children. Silly designers.
We start to make our way back up the hill back to the Jeep. Well, now that we've had a taste of the skate park we want more so we head straight for that. This time Big J comes with us. We're all acting crazy and getting stuck in the thing. It's crazy hard to walk in there. I'm sure anyone that skates that is reading this thinks I'm a moron but guess who doesn't care? Brownie girl! I get out before C and Big J because I don't feel like being stuck. I walk the long way around and watch them slide around and make their way out. By the time I've made it back to the Jeep I notice some guy walking towards the benches on the opposite side of the skate park. His hood is up and he's walking in a suspicious manner. As we get in the car the guy gets up from the bench and starts to walk around in the skate area. All alone....He must have seen how much fun we were having and wanted summa that action.
Time for bed for us.

By the way, this is how C described our Friday night:
pretty sure it was brownie, beer, drive, swing, karaoke, swing
laugh laugh laugh
thats how the night went

Thursday shore and Goat Mountain.

Everyone knows the best show in the world is on Thursday nights (JERSEY SHORE!!!) so of course we have to celebrate and use it as an excuse to party right? Ok, so maybe not everyone knows, and maybe partying isn't exactly what we do (or did) but whatever. This week we went to Big J's family's house to watch us some good ole trash "reality" tv. They totally have a big screen so heck yes! While we're waiting for him to come pick us up C lets me know there will be children there and they might possibly be a bit energetic, because most children are. A warning is always welcome.
Big J says he'll be to our house soon to pick us up. I don't know why I always forget that boy time is not real time...but soon was not actually soon and was in fact cutting it close. I can't miss my show! Alright, so I can. Especially since a) they replay things all the time on MTV...like all the freakin time and b) I have a DVR and of course it loves me and records all the shows I want to watch. It either loves me...or it just doing what it's told. Whatever.
He finally shows up...just in the nick of time (what the heck does that saying even really mean? the nick of time? what is that?) and off we go. Walking out the door he asks if I'm really wearing heels...which he should know the answer to since his eyes are perfectly functional. I asked if we were going to be walking through rocks or something because if we were going to be inside, I saw no problem with my shoes. Of course we're going to be inside so I don't change my shoes. He says something about wearing heels around kids and C scoffed at him (a real scoff!) and told him I wear heels all the time so not to worry about me. Yea, what she said man. As we're parking he decides to warn me, again, about the children. I'm glad my friends know me well enough to know that I should have a warning before being in the same space as children. Thanks guys.
Walk in, meet some people, sit on a super comfy couch and here come the kids. Joy. Cute. They're definitely cute. Scared of me at first....as usual. Except this time I don't think it was because they felt the evil. This time it was only because I was a new person. Soon enough...like seriously only 5 minutes later...they didn't care that I was new and they gave me and C each a baby doll to play with. Hmmm...My doll basically just sat on my lap. Oooh fun.
The show starts and of course I'm immediately absorbed in the ridiculous awesomeness. Super tan, big hair, tone bodies, stupid immature drama. I mean I have seriously had enough of Sammi being a moron and Ronny being a dick.
I love that show.
I realized a few minutes into the show that the doll was still on my lap....So I pushed it to the other side of the couch. As far as I could get it. 
At some point during the show one of the girls decided I was the person to sit next to while she read a book. Course that only lasted like 2 minutes. The girls mom was holding the other one ( I really don't mean to sound mean when I write about kids...I just don't know their names) and petting her head and she said something to the effect of "does this show seem like a show for little girls? so don't you think you should go in the other room and play?". I thought that was cute. I like when people talk to their kids like they're adults. And that was basically the end of children for the night. Not that we stayed much longer. Big J's brother kept ripping some hard core stank ass so after the show we had to leave or else we might have died from inhaling toxins.
It was still light out when we left and early so of course we couldn't call it a night. That would be just ridiculous. I suggest the river. With a stop home of course because I'm wearing tall shoes. He drives us home and some how the plans change from river to "Goat Mountain". Sure, whatever. We change into more appropriate clothes and both complain about having to wear socks and real shoes. Leave our house and go to his house. He says brb (ok he said be right back...point is we stayed in the car) and then his little brother came out of the house to bother us (not really) until Big J got back. He asked where we were going, why we were going there, how long we were going to be there, why is the sky blue, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and bunch of other questions. We tried to convince him to come with us because the more the merrier and such but we had no luck. Then Big J came out of the house...with a gun. What the hell kind of mountain are we going to??
Brother man decides to be a lame-o and not go to the mountain with us and we take off. We drive forever and half with a stop at a lil store....I think. I gotta be honest here guys...details are a little fuzzy on account of the fact that I'm writing this days after it happened and a lot happened during those between days and with all the fun I've been having I have no idea what happened, when, or who with. So...sorry bout the fuzziness! Ok back to Thursday night at Goat Mountain.
We drive, and drive and drive and drive and I basically have no idea where we are and that is a really weird feeling for me. Civilization quickly turns into farmland which quickly turns into nothing and then we're on a gravel road and an incline. Wanna know why Big J thought we should have gun (don't worry peeps. permit and safeness and all that)? Well so did we. So he told us the stories...About him and his friends going up there....and seeing people in the woods on the side of the road...People jumping out of the woods into the road or the other way around. And one time they found a string going across the road and being a bunch of semi drunk adventurous men that they are, they decided to follow the string...into the woods...where it was tied to a tree WITH A BELL ON IT so whoever set it up could tell when people crossed that road. Ummm....creepy! We all agreed that is some Wrong Turn creepiness. Why are we driving up here again? I am so not getting out of the car.
Back up a few minutes to before we hit the gravel road and woods. We're driving and there is a car a ways behind us. We're not in the city so the roads are dark. And this car...keeps shutting its lights off and then turning them back on. Now that I know the stories...this creeps me out more than just being weird.
Of course, nothing happens with the car. We continue our drive and get into the woods. Lots of gravel, bumpy, dark as hell roads. Thank god for GPS and it's comforting tracking feature. Up this road, down this road, over that way, around here and over there. I would be effed if I had to find my own way out. Of course I'm keeping my eyes open for any sign of weirdos creeping about on the side of the road and of course I see nothing. I'm not at all scared...more excited... I like off road type driving, exploring, and woods so I'm happy as happy thing. We make it to a clearing and he parks. He asks C for the mag lite (I love those things) and does a perimeter check with the light. I watched the light move from almost behind the Jeep all the way around the front, to the other side and then from the start again. I tried to see something but I saw nothing. Suddenly Big J is shutting off the light and putting the car in gear. That's when the radar detector went off. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EFFING WOODS PEOPLE! Why would it do that? We don't know but we were outta there with the quickness. Back through, around, over, up, down through the gate that was once shut after Big J and his friends had driven through it, and back to roads made flatness. I ask what he saw that made him want to leave so quick. He makes us feel smart for not paying attention (which I was trying to but apparently did it wrong) and tells us what he saw. When he shined the light around the car the second time he saw some branches move over there...and then further away from there and then over there too. Too much movement and too fast for it to have been one person or animal. When the light got to the front of the Jeep he saw someone standing in the trees looking at us. Are you effing kidding me?! Oh hell no!
Drive, drive, drive and then pit stop to stretch and pop a squat cuz we're classy ladies like that (and because we've had to pee since the creepy mountain but refused to get out of the car while up there and it would still be a while til we got to somewhere with a bathroom. Somehow I don't think Big J would like it if we peed in his car. Just a hunch). Why is the moon so bright?! People can definitely see us. Good thing there aren't cars on the road. We walk away from the Jeep and almost into the field we're next to and start our ladylike descent to pee stance and BAM car! So we pull our pants back up and laugh which makes us have to pee more. We scramble to look normal as the car passes and once it's out of sight we try again....this time slightly closer to the Jeep. Guess what comes over the hill from the other direction this time? A car! Another scramble and a lot of laughter...sooo close to wetting ourselves. Car is gone and I'm still laughing. Doubled over. Using the Jeep to keep myself from falling over. Somehow C composes herself enough to pee...right next to the jeep this time. I gave up. I'm holding it til I get to a bathroom. We continue driving.
We see some headlights come over a hill a ways in front of us...and then it goes into the dip in the road and we can't see it's headlights anymore...It never came up over the other side of the dip. Big J is just as confused as I am but I suspect there is a road down in the dip part of the road that the car turned onto. Moments later we're in the same dip. Where there are no roads. At all. And I see no dust. That car didn't just drive off to the side and we missed it. It's no where to be seen. Eff this!
Big J says he will never go back to that mountain at night and it will be a long time before he goes back at all. Too much creepiness for him I guess.
So now we head home right? Wrong. Movie time at Big J's house! It's late and his family is asleep so we have to sneak in. Sneaky sneaky! Not so much though...because this chick still has to pee like a pregnant horse.
He makes us pick a movie out of a stack and basket full of choices. Who has a basket full of movies? Weirdo (love you man!). We pick The Proposal because I haven't seen it and who can resist Ryan Reynolds? Hottness. We all 3 cuddle up and watch the movie. Aw, cute. We're like lil kids at a slumber party. Hushing each other to keep quiet, not paying total attention to the movie and continuously looking at the clock to see how late we're up. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again: Being an adult really isn't that much different than being a child, at least in my life (with the obvious exception of mind altering substances, random hookups and eating ice cream for breakfast because there is no one to tell us we can't).
By the time we finish the movie and Big J takes us back home it's like 4 in the morning. Don't I have to work tomorrow? Yep. And I still got sleep, woke up to my alarm, showered and put myself together the same as I would any other day. Because I kick ass ya'll.

Things I am thankful for today

I have legs that I can use to walk...and run...when needed...
I have both of my arms and hands and all of my fingers....even if they are bruised a wee bit....

I have the best friends on the entire planet.

I love my mom and we're going to get our nails done later.
I have the best job EVER at the best company to work for! (seriously....we are consistently in the top 100 businesses to work for in Oregon)
I have a house. I may be renting it and I might kinda dislike my landlord a teensy bit but it's a house. Not an apartment or a townhouse. A house. With a GIANT back yard. Perfect for bbqing, slip n sliding and general horse play of all kinds.
I (finally) have air conditioning at my house! (thanks C's ex :) we really love it and I'm probably gonna get married to it soon...)
I have a car of my own that likes to take mini road trips with me and is totally paid off and therefor not a source of stress.
My co-workers are seriously awesome people.
I don't have kids of my own...but there are plenty of kids around for me to play with because lets face it, I'm just a kid in a grown ups body.
Reality tv. (yea really. because without their constant fighting and drama I might not realize how awesome my life is on a regular basis)
My housewife feeds me. I love her!
My shoes. All of them.
Clean water that I can drink right from the faucet if I want.
Music. I love music. All of it.
I have ears that work properly so I can listen to the music I love, and the people I love and the sound of the ocean when I'm there and the sound of babies laughing because that is seriously the best sound in the world.
I'm thankful to live in this country, even if I don't always agree with everything going on and I know this place if filled with morons, it's still the land of the free and it's not a third world country and that is always something to be thankful for.
Books. Because I love to read...even though I don't do it nearly as often as I should/would like to.
I'm super thankful that no one can read my thoughts...
I'm young and have so much time ahead of me. Time to do awesome things. I can't wait.

The weekend that made my body hate me

This weekend was AMAZING. First the graduation and then the beach.
Big J invited me and C to go to his family's beach house at Seaside Saturday. I can't remember when I went to get my oil changed...frankly I don't remember anything about Friday. I have no idea what I did. It wasn't that long ago but it feels like ages.
Anyway, I went to Oil Can Henry's to get my oil change. Of course there were a ton of people there so I had to wait FOREVER and a half to actually get anything done. I'm pretty sure this was Saturday...I finally get in and they start the process. It's hot as hell out so I start fanning myself with some paper....then the oil man says "you're lucky you're wearing something that goes above your knees. It's hot with these polyester pants." Wouldn't be such a weird thing to say if I had gotten out of my car...He kept saying random stuff and I felt like he was kind of hitting on me. He must have forgotten about the patch of herp trying to take over his face.
If I would have known Big J was going to literally take ALL FREAKING DAY to come pick us up I would have driven to the beach way earlier in the day. Like after oil man was done getting herp on my car.
C and I decided to go to her favorite park to swing on the best swings around while we wait for Big J. We get there and of course, it's summer, so all the swings are taken. Sad. Still trying to kill time I start driving to the river. At this point we're not even sure if Big J is coming to get us so we wanna get some kind of sandyish water time in. As soon as we are on the river (which by the way has sucked the last 3 or 4 times we've gone. not only is the "sand" full of pointy sharp painful rocks, but it's dirty as hell because it is a party river after all) Big J texts and tells us to head home because he'll be home soon to pick us up.
Excitement!
We forget that boy time and actual time are totally different things though and soon really meant forever.
He finally shows up and reminds us that we should pack things like pj's and toothbrushes and we were on our way.
Sitting in the back seat of a car is even more different than just the passenger seat. When you're the only one back there, and the music is loud...it's kind of like you're alone. You can't hear the driver and co-pilot talking. So there I was with my thoughts for an hour(ish) while we drove to the beach. It's a dangerous place for me to be, alone with my thoughts. Suddenly I felt a funk trying to attack me. I hate when a funk comes to get me. Loneliness is a bitch. How can you be lonely when you're with people you love and having a blast? I don't know...but there it is. Like I said, thinking is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure it was around 2 am when we finally made it to the beach house. Of course, we want to head straight to the beach. Wake up the sleeping guy, watch the couple fight about going and then leave, without the girl, H. We drive for a little bit and go to a drive on beach. The boys have Jeeps and like to do cookies in the sand. FUN! We drive for a bit. Do a bunch of crazy beach driving and eventually find a place to start a fire. C and I sit back while the boys do their fire starting thing. By sit back I mean....break open the glow necklaces we brought. We like glow sticks in the dark at the beach/river.anywhere outdoors. We each have 3 or 4 glow necklaces and thanks to C's genius brain we make glow crowns. Awesometastic.
The boys start playing with knives...a knife. Throwing it at the big log on the outside of the fire and trying to get it to stick. Not so big J offers me the knife for a try. Why not? A little direction and I'm ready for some redneck games. Guess who stuck the knife on her first try? This chick! Too bad that was the only time it happened. I quit after I was the one that ended up throwing the knife IN the fire. Oops. It was fun to watch the guys try to get it out though. Finally someone remembered a glove and the knife was saved. And then they played some more.
Time for some catch with the football. We use the headlights as lighting for our game and start throwing. You know what would make it better? Using a glow stick so we can actually see the thing flying at our faces. Headlights are cool and all but when you're looking right at them you can't see that stupid ball.... I catch it once. I almost catch it again....but instead only jam my pinky finger. Owie. Insta bruise.
Better idea. Break open the glow stick (stolen from my crown btw...sadness) and pour the glowy goodness on the ball. Turn off the headlights and oh my god! How freaking awesome! Glowing football. There are droplets of glowness on the sand. First throw...and glow stuff goes everywhere. Droplets fly from the ball when it's thrown and then it's like a glow explosion when it hits the ground. So freaking cool. You touch the ball and your hands start glowing. Except the glow on the ball isn't lasting because it all keeps falling off.
Then all eyes are on me and my glow crown. I tell them to back off. They already took one of my glow sticks. Take one from C's crown! Now someone is going for C and someone is still coming at me...Well they can't have my crown. So I run. And I am definitely being chased. Crap. I heard someone say how funny it is to just see glowing hands running through the dark. I can see C running the other direction. Well, I can't see her...but I can see a floating crown. Keep running, keep running. Almost get caught. Keep running, keep running, can't run any more, too much, running in sand is hard, I don't even like running. BAM! Tackled. Not so big J is taking my crown! Damn damn damn. I try to get it back but of course I'm not match for this guy. So we start walking back to the football area and he is trying to untangle the glow sticks so he can use one. I tell him he's doing it wrong and he gives me the crown so I can help. Then I run again. BAHAHAHAHA sucka!!! But it looks like they got one from C anyway so they don't need mine. Good. Head back to the fire...
Not so big J suddenly has an epiphany and goes to his car to get a glow stick from his survival kit....so it's one of those mega giant super glowy sticks. Hells yes. They break it open and start pouring it on the ball. We start catching the glow stuff in our hands as it drips off the ball and then suddenly we're having a glow fight. Boy C wipes his hand on his shirt and then Big J uses the glowy drippy ball to splatter boy C with glow. Awesome. I don't remember exactly what order things happened but all of a sudden everything is bright green....because someones bright ass glowing hands are attacking my face. My face is glowy!!! He's gonna get it. Chase time!
I run after him. Stop. He runs after me. Stop. Run run run, stop. KAPOW! I'm in the sand and glow is everywhere. Oh eew....sand is definitely in my pants. And my shirt...my glowing shirt...hey my pants are glowy too!
Time for more football. C won't catch the ball because she doesn't want the explosion of glow to get on her clothes. And oh yea, she has glow war paint on her cheeks. Every throw and every catch (or drop) leaves splatters of glow on the sand. C points out that it now looks like there is a universe in the sand. Blackness everywhere except for the bright glow splatters. Totally looks like a universe.
Guess what? New giant glow stick! There is a lot of glow going on. And then a lot more running. Why do they want my face to glow?! Run away, run away, run, run, can't...keep....running....crap. Tackled again. At least it wasn't all the way down to the sand this time. Tackle me....get glow hands to the face. Whoops....I mights got boy C's glasses glowy. Well that's what he gets for attacking me. Yep.
Boy C and not so big J keep chasing me and I find out the way to avoid them is to get in the water. Awww they're scared of a wittle water. C and I have already been playing in the water so my jeans are already rolled up and I'm not wearing shoes so I don't care if I get in the water. It's not that cold....wusses.
Boy C had actually asked me earlier how long it had been since I was last at the beach. He thought it had been at least a year because I was so excited to be there and I kept playing in the water and splashing around like a lunatic. A very fun lunatic. He was very surprised to learn it hadn't even been a month. At least I think so....I don't really have a good grasp on time. But I know it hasn't been that long. And the beach at night is so much fun. I just love it. I basically want to live at the beach. Fer reals.
More redneck games at the fire. Knife throwing, then axe throwing...safety. Nothing but safety. By the time we break apart the giant fire and head back to the house (with some more cookies and water driving of course) it's around 6 am and most definitely light out. Suddenly the guys are worried that H is up and mad at us for leaving and coming back so late. Oh well. As far as I'm concerned, she can't be mad because she had the chance to come. The light is on when we get home but nothing happens. Silly men. I can feel the funk coming back. After all that fun, I'm going to get attacked by funk? How annoying. Not so big J heads upstairs....and comes back down with pillows and a blanket and starts to unfold the futon to sleep on. Nice.
Everyone is going to bed so I decide to try and walk the funk away. I head out the door and not so big J looks at me like I'm crazy but whatever. I walk straight to the beach. Maybe 3 whole blocks away. I get to the boardwalk and I turn to look back and of course someone followed me. It's boy C. I sit on the bench in front of me and just wait. I'm not in a good enough mood for this. It's nice that he wants to make sure I'm alright or whatever but I really just need to be alone. After some small talk and a lot of silence I get up and tell him I'm going to keep walking. He asks if I want some company and I say no thanks. I head to the sand and water. It's 6:30 in the morning so the beach is basically deserted and so peaceful. The sound of the water is so nice. The feel of the sand under my feet is just amazing. I find a log and I sit. For a while. Then I get up and walk for a while, down the beach, in the warm sand. Thinking. Dangerous... Stop and turn around. I contemplate walking all the way to the end of the beach. There is an end...but I head back to the trail I took to the beach. I don't go back to the house. Instead I just walk through the town. I find a park...with swings. Crazy tall swings! I actually had to hop and hoist to get myself up there. My feet were like a foot and a half off the ground when I was in that thing. You know how hard it is to swing when you can't reach the ground? I gave up. I sat there for a while. I noticed a guy down by the river at the edge of the park...talking on his phone with a 6 pack as company. it's not even 8 am and you're drinking a 6 pack? At least I'm not that guy. I get off the swing and crawl up onto the play structure. I hang out on top of the slide for a little bit before sliding down (all 3 feet of it) and sitting at the bottom for a while. I keep walking. Nice houses, nice yards, people are out for their morning jogs. I make it back to the boardwalk and then to the same bench I had sat on earlier. I sit...then I lay down. I close my eyes for a second and that's when I realize how exhausted I am. I wish this funk would leave so I could sleep. I head back to the house. Everyone is asleep. H has come down and crawled into futon (I can't say crawled into bed because it;s not a bed so there) with not so big J. Boy C is fast asleep on the couch. I wonder how long I've been gone. There are pillows and a blanket on the other couch for me. I grab a pillow and slide to the floor behind the couch. And then the emotions attack. Seriously? I went for a walk so this could happen out there....away from people....ugh.
I go upstairs and crawl into an empty bed. It's 9 something now. I should definitely sleep. Not an easy task when your eyes won't stop leaking and your brain won't shut the hell up. Big J gets up and goes downstairs. He comes back up and lays a blanket over me. He quite literally tucked me in. And then he noticed I was awake and asked if I was ok. Crap. See, emotions are mean to me and when someone notices it makes it worse. Anyway, I can't talk because my brain won't let me. So I give up and so does he. Bed time. Finally.
The house was all awake by 1 or 2. I was awake for a long time before I got up. C came upstairs to see how I was doing. I am so lucky to have the friends I have.
Plan for the day? Beach of course! C and I head out before everyone because we're not going to change out of our pj's to go play in the sand. Even though I'm wearing pants she somehow manages to talk me into getting in the water. I roll my sweats up as far as I can and in we go. It's refreshing...at least, after you go numb. Boy C and not so big J are having a blast. Riding waves and splashing. Now who looks like they haven't been to the beach in years? Ha! We play some more catch and I hurt another finger....but it's not bad. My pinky knuckle is purple from the night before. And it totally hurts to move. I should learn how to catch better....Head back to the house. Everyone showers. Not so big J, boy C and H head out to the shop and C, Big J and I stay at the house. I'm freezing to death so I'm under 500 blankets (ok, 3) and we're watching cake boss. Mmmm cake. Now I'm craving cake so of course when the others get back they have cake. Damn...I should have gone with them. Big J starts dinner for us (yummy spaghetti and garlic bread) then goes to wash his Jeep.
You know what I noticed? If someone has a ford truck, it's always referred to as "the truck". A toyotta, honda, any sedanish car or mini van is generally referred to as "the car". Like "get my coat from the car" or "my flashlight is in the truck". But if someone has a Jeep, it's always "the Jeep." My ex had a jeep. We never got things from the car. It was always from the Jeep. We had 2 Jeeps at the beach....and they were always the Jeep. Why is Jeep the only car we call by name?
We pack up and clean the house. It's lateish. We head to the drive on beach again. More cookies! The tide is waaaaaaaay far out today. I definitely did not have to run that far last night when I was getting chased. We find a free fire and park. Big J puts some music on in his Jeep and we hang out around the fire. The girls bond over stories of arrest or near arrest and the boys do whatever the heck they did...I don't know. I was bonding!
We don't stay as long this night because it's Sunday and we have to get back to town. Still, we don't leave until 11 something. Of course we have to stop at the car wash before we can leave. Can't have sand all over the Jeeps, now can we?
We leave at the same time. Boy C is riding with us now and not so big J and H are following us. At least we thought they were....Boy C is riding with us because they were fighting and he didn't want an hour and a half of awkwardness. I don't blame him one bit. When Big J notices they're not behind us he pulls off the road at a drinking water stop. Out on the highway, with no city lights near by....the stars are absolutely breath taking. People driving by must have thought we were crazy. 4 people standing on the side of the road looking up at the sky. And then my rockstar kicked in and I was spinning in circles and getting very dizzy. Fun! Not so big J and H pass us. Then come back. And then leave again. Ahh, fighting couples are so fun. Big J drops off boy C first. That's when I find out not so big J and H live in the same apartments my bestie in the westie used to live in before she moved to the other side of the country. And that's when I remember seeing Big J drive by when me and my bestie in the westie forever ago (or a year ago...whatev). Small world, as always.
Big J gets us home around 2 something and once again, I am so thankful for my bed of heaven.
Then I woke up this morning and found out my body is pissed. My legs don't want to move. My arms hurt. My back hurts. My abs! Oh god, my abs! What the hell?! My freaking feet are sore too?? There are about 8 feet between my bed and the bathroom. All 8 feet hurt to walk. How the hell does my back hurt when I walk?
Brush my teeth. Owie. My pinky is still purple....less painful than the night before but still not normal. Shower. Painful. Put lotion on....Holy shit that hurts. Comfy clothes day for sure. So glad I bought an extra rockstar last night. Co workers laugh at my pain (which is fine since I'm laughing too) as I hobble through the office. This is clearly a sign that I need to play midnight glow football more often....right?

Graduation day!

Thursday, C graduated from getting her GED. Originally I was just going to drive me and S and her baby up to Washington to see C walk and then Big J said he was going too and offered to drive so we could save some gas money and let's face it, riding for 3 or 4 hours in a car is way more fun with more people....especially when there's baby involved because we all know how much I adore children. Don't get me wrong... S's baby is super cute and I can't help but get all gah gah when I see her smile because a baby smiling is just cute. But cute doesn't mean I want to ride in a car with a baby for long periods of time.
I definitely jumped at the chance to have a break from being the driver for once. You know, being a passenger is way different. It always takes me a little while, as a passenger, to remember that I don't have to watch the road every minute. I don't need to know what's going on around me, in front of me, behind me. I don't have to worry about speed or tailgaters, or all those stupid drivers out there. It's sooooo relaxing!
We decided to surprise C and tell her that S couldn't make it so it was just me and Big J coming up. S made up a story about a doctors appointment and even made a point of texting C on our way up there about how ridiculous the wait at the doctors office was. She was totally clueless, despite me almost totally giving it away.
Now, S and C and Big J have all been pretty close for a while and we've all known each other since at least middle school but Big J and I have never really talked or anything. So hanging out with him all these years after high school is kind of different but he's definitely not the guy I remember from way back when and holy hell there is no better way to get to know someone than a road trip! Hahaha
We wanted to leave early enough to have some time to hang out with C's family before the ceremony but the night before we left someone broke into Big J's car and stole his stereo. Rude ass people... So he had to get a different stereo put in because a few hours in a car with no music is no fun. We ended up leaving an hour later than we wanted to.Whatever.
I was so excited to be on the road. C had been in Washington for 2 weeks and boy did I miss her. Not to mention how excited both S and I were to see her face when she saw that we are dirty, dirty liars and S not only came to see her graduate, but she brought the baby too. Auntie didn't know they were coming either so there was about to be a lot of excitement.
I wish I could remember what song it was...But I don't. What I remember is Big J singing his heart out with awesome singing hand motions to go with. He did the whole sweeping hand from right to left and then up in front of his face with a nice fist pull down to top it off. It was quite moving really HAHAHA
I'm a total sing-alonger, as almost anyone who has met me knows...and suddenly I had Big J's fist in my face to use as a mic. It really helped get me into the song. Thanks man.
He had an epiphany about the fact that we wouldn't be getting home until late...like real late, which meant we would be missing the new Jersey Shore. For a second he was not happy and then I told him that this chick doesn't like life as much without a DVR and that beautiful machine would be recording our precious show so we could watch it when we got home. Happy times were back on.
Pit stop at Subway for some yummy lunch. It always cracks me up (inside) at the way babies attract attention. Babies are everywhere, but people always stop to ooh and aahh at babies. What's that about?
Of course we hit traffic on the way up. That's exactly why we wanted to leave earlier, to avoid that crap but things happen and I don't think there is really any way to avoid traffic because when you're driving for that long you are bound to run into some kind of construction or a long line of people that never learned how to merge correctly. Stupid people are so annoying.
We were getting close when C texted me to see how far we were because she was going to have to leave soon to be at the graduation place early. If we kept on track to where she was staying, we would have just barely missed her. If we went to the graduation place then we would have to wait for 20ish minutes for her to get there. We chose option B after much deliberation (and maybe a lil bit of bickering. Love filled bickering of course.) While waiting for C to get there Big J decided to change into the clothes he brought to wear to the actual graduation because he's a girl and likes to look nice. I'm not complaining or making fun...jus sayin. He starts to change his pants...outside the car...when he realized that the car he was standing right next to had someone sitting in it. Whoopsie. Move to a new spot. He starts changing his pants when he noticed the cop across the street. Watching people be paranoid is kinda fun. After changing he moves on to do his hair (girl) so he grabs his hair stuff and goes to work. And then realizes he used waaaaaay too much stuff. I couldn't see his head because he was standing outside the car and I was sitting in it...then he stuck his head inside and I couldn't stop myself from laughing because his hair did not look cute. How did he decide to fix the problem? By showering outside the car using a water bottle. His hair actually lathered because of how much stuff was in it. Just picturing that makes me laugh. Finally he finished and now we were just waiting for C to show up. She was freaking out because she was running late and they hit traffic and red lights.
We see her pull in and S tries to hide in the back. Now that we were meeting her at the place instead of her aunts house...it was harder to hide S. I get out of the car to try and distract her so she doesn't see the baby or S as she walks up to the car. I might have possibly looked crazy because I was bouncing from side to side in front of her to block her view of the car as she walked up to it (I think she was distracted enough not to notice...at least I hope so) but just as we got to the car S was trying to sneak out the opposite side and C saw the door close. She peered around me and said "what the fuck?!" and then there was some love tackling. Aw, what a cute reunion.
No time for that though, because she had to go sign in and line up. On our way in we met up with C's dad, cousin and ex and found out way to seats. Poor S had just had surgery on her ear so she could only hear from one side and of course she sat on the end with her bad ear to the rest of us. The whole time we would all be talking and she would turn to me and ask "what did he say? what did he say? what's going on? I hate this". There go the people oohing and ahhing over the baby again. Ok...she is pretty cute though.
Finally people start walking. It takes us 20 minutes to get through the first half of the graduates (that were actually there. I was amazed at how many people didn't show up) and if it wasn't for all the girls with gorgeous shoes on their feet I might have died. I never realized how perfect a graduation is for shoe watching. Everyone is wearing a robe that covers their entire outfit and they all look the same...except for the shoes. I fell in love like 84 times. I'm still dreaming of those wedges...
C's name was called and S and I went crazy. Screaming and hooting...and I noticed her ex didn't make a peep. How sweet. Way to prove your ex status homie.
Have you ever tried to get out of a graduation ceremony? Um...thousands of people and they only had one tiny door open. Not even a double door. Just one normal sized door, and outside (once we finally got out there) wasn't any better. Some how we made it out and found C and made a plan to meet at her aunts house.
We spend some time at aunties. She is a freakin hoot. She gave me a finger puppet. It's a giraffe. I named him Geoffry. I love him. Eventually baby E wakes up and comes out to play with adults. Once he found the babys car seat he decided it was a good idea to try and get in it. Even though the baby is 12 weeks old and he is much older than that. He crawled in backwards...under the hood thinger and was hanging out of either end rocking a little. He's awesome. His legs dangling from the head end and his face in the butt part. Lovely.
Then the new Jersey Shore came on the tv. I tried not to watch but I couldn't help it. We had to make ourselves leave during a commercial.
More singing and fun on the way home (and a lil traffic of course). Stopped at a rest stop to pee and as I come out of the stall I see a ownerless dog walking through the bathroom. Wtf? Go outside and find out dogs owner is barefoot...and went in the bathroom like that. EW! public, rest stop bathroom barefoot?! Eff that ish! She is just begging for the herpagonasyphilaids on her feet.
It was around 2:30 or 3 by the time we finally crawled into bed. I'm so glad my bed is made of heaven.
I should spell check and grammar check this...but I'm not going to.

Spider shower

So I woke up to no alarm this morning, but later than I originally wanted to. I wanted to get up early and get some things ready for tonight when M comes over for our bake night (I am way too excited to have some chocolate in my house!).
But, I woke up late. So I brush my teeth, hop in the shower, wash my hair, take my sweet ass time sudsing up and off and finally get out to dry off.
Step onto the bath mat.
Put towel over hair.
Wrap towel in hair turban style and stand up facing the tub.
EEEEEK!
wtf?!
How did that spider get in there?! I was just in there for like 10 minutes and this em effer is hanging out right in the middle of the bathtub like it's not even wet and he has no reason to fear death.
He's got another thing comin.
So now I'm running through the house like a naked loon looking for a cup.
I don't really have a lot of room for running in my bedroom. Which leads to some awesome bruising.
Rinsed the spider down the drain. Only took 4 cup fulls including the one I used as a just-in-case to flush his carcass further down the drain. Don't wanna run the risk of him being anywhere near salvation.
Blech.

My weekend....

Kind of started on Thursday. My company had an open house on Thursday night and we had a henna tattoo artist, a palm reader and a tarot reader (who just so happens to be my own mom). Some people got drunk, some people were barely there for 5 minutes. Besides the awesome palm reading I got (she told me I need to relax and pamper myself more. Can I ask her for a Rx for that?) and the crazy on point tarot readings many people got, there were also hundreds of cupcakes. I'm not even exaggerating. Hundreds. We figured that people love cupcakes and they would go fast, as they always do when we have them for company birthdays and such.
Turns out, we were wrong. There were way too many left. I took a platter and filled it with cupcakes for my mom and another platter and filled it with cupcakes to take to a party I was going to go to Saturday night. I was excited actually because these cupcakes are from my favorite place (St. Cupcake. Check em out. you know you wanna!) so I was more than happy to take a bunch home with me.
On the way from the office to the car, I suddenly became the cupcake fairy. Anyone who walked near me was begging to be asked if they wanted a cupcake. They said yes of course.
Dropped off my mom, the tarot reade,r and put my cupcakes on the dash to help her inside with all her stuff since she's on crutches and was useless (of course I don't mean that. Sarcasm really does need it's own font...). I got into my car, reversed, put it in drive, sent a text before moving, and then hit the gas.
BAM!
Cupcake explosion!
Guess who forgot she had a tray of cupcakes on the dash?
This chick.
I just sat there for a minute with my foot on the break before looking at the damage that had been done. Oh, the damage! Cupcakes on the floor. Cupcakes on the passenger seat. Cupcakes on my broken from heat hula girl! Cupcakes on my purse?! Cupcakes on my auto bingo cards?!? DAMN IT!
Of course it was the frosting that was the problem. Most of the cupcakes were just sitting around naked...and their frosting had come off hitting anything in it's way as it made it's descent. Finally I decide to put the car in park while giving myself a good ole face palm. That's when I noticed my ENTIRE gear shift was covered in frosting. This sucks.
Good thing I have all those napkins in my glove box from that time we stuffed C's purse with goodies from the bar....
Too bad there weren't enough to clean up the mess. Getting the cupcakes out of the car wasn't hard. It was getting the frosting off of everything that sucked. I stole moms wet wipes and went to town. Looked clean. Of course, it was like 9 pm and mostly dark out so I only had the dim glow of the dome light to see with.
After a good 15 minutes of my car being running in the parking lot in a random position...I finally decided it was good and left.
Only to find all I had missed the next morning when I headed to work.
I apparently don't really care since my purse still has frosting. That passenger seat is quite disgusting... since I have that high class cloth interior...it's all crunchy from dried frosting. eeeewwwww.
Note to friends: Don't wear shorts in my car. You're leg will get scratched from nasty old crunchy frosting. Yum yum! (don't worry, I plan on shampooing the ish outta that soon)
Saturday I went to fight night at a friends (moms) place. (fight night = watching UFC fights with lots of other people and yummy food) Those fights were good too. One of the fighters was in the corner after one round and he pushed the guy that was wiping him down out of the way because he had to burp. A big huge mondo man burp. Awesome.
The food was good. I love my friends.
Sunday I went to a baby shower, because everyone in the world is having babys and I have to go to a baby shower every other weekend. Or a wedding. So fun to go to weddings and baby showers and bachelorette parties as a single person. Really though, the baby shower was nice. It was a good set up, the games were fun (how did I not win the guess what kind of candy bar we melted in this diaper game??) and mm mmm that food was delish.
I spent the rest of my weekend resting, pampering myself (as per the palm readers instructions!) and cleaning the house. I felt uber productive and ultra relaxed. Sorry I don't have more fun, crazy, laugh out loud stories to share...yet. They'll come :)

aftermath

so basically my entire body hurts. From head to toe. the whole thing!
I woke up around nine this morning and realized its the weekend and I have nothing to do today so I went back to sleep. I didn't get up until 1:30ish. yep. in the afternoon. feels good to sleep. I admit, it kinda sucks to know I slept the day away. I mean I could have been up, doing things that need to be done. like laundry, cleaning, dropping off my rent check, whatever. I really like sleep. I love it. I don't get to sleep in often so when I do I go back to my middle school days and I sleep until it just feels ridiculous. I don't care.
my arms hurt (from paddling Im sure), my legs hurt (from...uh...I have no idea), my back hurts (Im sure thats from paddling too), theres a lil tinge of pain in my abs and oh my god does my booty hurt. That rock really left a mark. The problem with the mark is even though I swear I felt it turn purple there is nothing there. Until I try to sit down. Then it feels like Im hitting that damn rock all over again. good times. I cant walk around holding my butt all the time. that sure doesn't look alright.
I had the WEIRDEST dream last night....er....today. I was in this world...IO mean it seemed like earth and there were p[eople but there were bad people. shadow people. they only came out in the dark so you had to stay in the light to stay alive. I was jumping from rooftop to rooftop and between the buildings I always looked down just in case because it was so dark between them and I always felt like something was going to get me. It was weird. terrifying. I wish I could remember more details.
Well that was pointless. Sorry about that.
Todays plan is: laundry, tv, and nursing my sore body.

by the way I like that my body hurts because that means yesterday was a good workout. But I also like to complain about it :)