Another Lame Dating Story

Yep, I met yet another guy from that damn website. I keep trying to give guys a chance...I really want to have hope...But they just keep disappointing. I could go on and on about the guys that have messaged me there...but I think I'll save that for it's own post. For now, we'll just focus on the one I went to dinner with last week.
He messaged me through the website and I checked out his profile, as always, before responding. Nothing jumped out at me screaming "NO! DON"T TALK TO THIS ONE!" I did notice that he was younger then I generally like to talk to (22) and he was definitely shorter then I usually like...but I'm trying to stay open minded so I replied. He seemed like a nice, normal guy in our conversation and unlike so many others, he wasted no time in asking for an actual date. I gave him my number so we could make a plan. That was apparently my second mistake.
We decided to go to dinner one night after I got off work. He lives in Vancouver so I agreed to meet him at a restaurant there. I don't know why I did that, since I hate Vancouver so much...but whatever.
I knew early on that things were going to be difficult with this one. He texted me every single day starting the day he got my number. The way he worded things led me to believe that he was at least slightly insecure with girls and a bit inexperienced with dating and adulthood as a whole. If I didn't respond to him in a timely manner, he would send me a duplicate message. Sometimes 2. Then he would ask if I was busy. There were a lot of "..."s and "I guess"'s. He spent a weekend at his parents, and I know this because he let me know before he was leaving that he doesn't get service there so he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to worry if I didn't hear from him. When he got back from his parents he let me know he was back in town and I could text him if I wanted to and then asked if I like chicken (doesn't everyone in at least one form or another?) and sausage. When I replied, he said something like maybe some day he can bring me some fresh chicken and sausage from his parents farm. We hadn't even met at this point, please keep in mind. He continually asked if we were still on for our date, and I continually thought about backing out.
Click through to see how things went...


He was very excited about our date, and the day before, we finalized our plans. He asked if I would want to go home before meeting up with him or if I would be coming straight from work. I wanted to avoid Vancouver rush hour and I asked where exactly we'd be meeting so I could plan my drive time. Then he asked "so you want me to tell you where we're going?". Well, I'm not real sure how I could drive there if I didn't know where I was supposed to be going...so yes. He told me the name of the restaurant and asked if I had heard of it. I hadn't, because I hate Vancouver. He asked if I had looked it up. I hadn't. Because I like to be surprised if I can. I don't need to know every detail of everything before I go into anything like some people I know.
*cough* K! *cough*
The day of the date finally came around and I used my fancy smart phone to get directions to the restaurant. The area seemed a little familiar when I got there (I found out later Mo's is nearby, and I have been there) but I know I've never been to that particular place before. I pulled into the only empty spot I saw, which just happened to be right next to P, my date. What a coincidence. I waved to him from my car and checked the missed texts I had gotten while driving. One of them from him, asking me to let him know when I got there.
I got out of the car and we said hi. He was indeed shorter then I like but that's only one detail and I can't write someone off simply for something they can't control. We walked inside and waited for a table. He said that he had called ahead and made a reservation, just in case, even though his mom said it would probably be fine. Good call mom, the place was far from packed. At least every other table was empty. The hostess was bubbly and her and I had a fun little conversation on the way to our table. It was a mostly sunny day, and the restaurant was right on the waterfront. We could see ships floating along the water and birds flying around looking for fish. The view was really nice. He had obviously put a lot of thought into this date, and that was sweet.
We talked while we ate. The food was amazing. He asked a lot of questions and I watched the other people around us. Our waiter was a fun older guy who made me smile every time he came to the table, even if it was just to refill my water. He even gave us a notebook with our check that he gives to all of his tables to write something for him. I told him he rocked my socks off which is quite a feat since I don't wear socks and P thanked him for being awesome.
We had talked about going for a walk along the waterfront, but decided against it because it was starting to rain and had cooled off significantly since we went inside. We made a plan for a second date, I hugged him goodbye and headed home.
I didn't make it home before he was texting me. Of course, now that we had met in person things got worse. He asked me to send him a picture. He said he had meant to take one of me at dinner but forgot...I asked him why he wanted one and he replied "everyone wants to know what you look like."
Wait...back the train up a second here. Who is everyone? Oh, just your mom, 2 roommates and your coworkers? That's all huh...
He text me every day, with more enthusiasm than before. A couple of days after our date he sent me one text that asked a few questions. "Where do you dream of going? What about the favorite place you've been? Do you like road trips?" I laughed at him asking so many questions at once and commented on it before answering. He said something about maybe going on a summer road trip. I replied with something like maybe we shouldn't be making future plans after only one date. Then he sent another text with too many questions. "What's your favorite flower? Candy? Food?". I told him he was doing that lots of questions thing again and he apologized with a frowny face. And then sent another text with a new question. Oh boy...
He asks about my siblings. I tell him I have them but don't see them much and then he asks if my growing up with my mom is the reason I'm so protective of myself with guys. Because he was curious to see if he needed to get approval from anyone other than myself. Oh lord...
I tell him I'm protective of myself with all people, not just guys, because I've been burned in the past by a lot of people. He says things like he'll try his best and that he respects me.
He texted me when his ex showed up at his place and he was emotional.
He texted me to start planning our second date.
Bowling would be fun but it's more a group thing right?
Uh...I mean it's fun with groups but it doesn't have to be a group thing.
Should we go to dinner or eat where we go bowling? Should we be on my side of the river of his?
I told him to calm down because it was more then a week away and there was no need to worry about it at this moment in time. Then he sent me 3 messages in a row with no response from me. And then things got weird...er.
"I was just curious to see how long it would take to get exclusive"
We've only been out once...It's definitely gonna take more then that. I tell him I think he's getting a little ahead of himself and he does the send me 3 messages since I don't respond thing. He continues with the ...'s and tells me to be safe. Ugh.
He randomly texts me to tell me he's getting discouraged. Why? His ex came over again. This happened. That happened. And he's confused about how "we" are doing. He explained that he's not used to this long dating process. One date is a long process? I share my thoughts with him that one date is not at all a long process. He tells me he's been played by too many girls and doesn't want that to happen again, though he respects what I'm doing. I totally understand wanting to avoid being played, but I tell him we're not in a relationship, of any kind so it's not really possible for either of us to play the other. More dots and sad faces. He sends a few long messages about not being used to the "process" and thanks me for cheering him up...somehow.
Monday, he texts me to ask how my weekend was. I tell him mostly good and I'm happy to see the sun. He replies "mostly good?" And I say, yep, that's what I said. So he asks what went bad. Nothing went bad, it just wasn't full of fun and shananigating. He tells me he's bored and asks if I'm too busy to text. I tell him I'm at work and don't want to be on my phone texting all day. 5 o'clock, on the dot, he asks me if everything is alright. Uh yea....why? He says he's just checking because I seem frustrated.
I didn't have the best day in the world Monday so I was frustrated, and I was beyond the point of frustration with this guy. So, I send him a long text saying that sometimes life can be frustrating but I'm not going to share that frustration with someone who is basically a stranger and that it's frustrating having to baby him through the dating "process". I'm not looking for someone to boss around, to mold into what I want, or someone that has no spine of their own.
He replies that I can talk to him if I need to because he's a good listener.
Clearly.
I thank him for the offer and inform him that I have awesome friends and a great support system in place for myself already. He says "alright ill leave you alone....ill text you sometime...idk"
I try to clarify that I understand that he's interested in me and wants to get closer but that it's just too much too soon. More indecision and dots. I send him a text saying that I can understand his inexperience and insecurity but his lack of confidence and constant need for reassurance is unattractive to me. I told him I would be honest with him and not play games, and I stuck to that. He says he feels a bit insulted, but that's nothing new to him. Then wishes me luck on finding the right guy. I apologize for insulting him and explain that we're just in different places and even though he's a nice guy, he's not the guy for me. He says he'd like to continue dating. And then tells me about his bad dating luck. I'm not sure why he would want to continue seeing someone that he felt insulted by, and who already said she wasn't interested in him. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand why people assume they can change your mind if only they had enough time. Sometimes that's true, sure...but not always. He says he understands and asks me to let him know if I change my mind.
No, I will not be going on a second date with this guy. And though he told me he would still like to at least be friends with me, I don't plan on talking to him for any reason.
Now, I'm not claiming to be perfect. I don't know everything there is to know about dating. If I were younger, his enthusiasm and constant attention could very well be exciting and adorable. But I'm not younger. I know what I want and what I don't want, unlike when I was younger. I now know that some personality traits will just not mesh well with my own, and it's ok to acknowledge that fact and move on. I try to give everyone a chance because sometimes when you get to know someone their personality can make them the most attractive person around and make you want to spend more time with them. Of course, that doesn't always happen and this was one of those times.
So, maybe I'm a bitch, but I'm ok with that because I love the person I am and I have the most amazing friends in the world that love who I am and some day I'll find a guy that I truly love. Until then, I'll keep you guys updated on the search.