Vacation Part 3

One of the last weekdays I was in Florida, J's mom, dad and little sister picked me and baby M up from the apartment so that we could go visit J at her office. It's possible that J is trying to get me to move down there...so this was her sneaky way of getting me to meet the people she works with, that I might work with if I happened to move down there.
When we pulled up to her office, J's family told me they would wait outside and to text them when we were done visiting. I don't have any of their numbers but I knew J did so no biggie. Of course, as soon as baby M and I started to walk away from his grandparents he started screaming and crying. So now I had to pick him up and carry him up the stairs, in my heels, until we could find J. That's fun.
He was scared of the receptionist when we got inside. And of course anyone that saw us had to ask who the baby belonged to and how he broke his arm, and it was clear that he wanted nothing to do with anyone but his mom. All I could do was hope she would show up soon. And just like that, there she was. Baby M was now happy and that made me happy. Happy babies are much easier to handle.

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We walked around and J introduced me to everyone that was around. Baby M got free candy which pleased him. Until he was cut off. Then he wasn't so happy.
We didn't stay for long, J did have work to do after all. She called her parents to let them know we were ready and waited with us until they were back from the park down the road. We climbed back into the car and sister B and baby M drew pictures with the notepad and pen set that the receptionist gave to M. We made a plan to get some lunch and while Js dad drove, I watched the scenery pass. I was still totally enamored with the twisted trunk trees, the pretty flowers blooming, the birds, and the beautiful, warm sunshine. We pulled into the restaurant which just happened to be on the water. No, not on the beach, but still on the water. We shared an order of fried alligator which was delicious. Even the 2 year old liked it. Of course, it's hard to go wrong with fried food. I tried the tuna sliders (YUM!) and disaster struck when sister B spilled her water. All over the table. And her dad. Good thing it was just water.
Out of nowhere, baby M puts his straw between his middle and forefinger, and holds it to his mouth like a cigarette. My jaw dropped. Then he asked for fire. I think I bruised my chin when my jaw hit the floor. J's mom asked if that's what mommy does and of course, being a baby he responded yes. J has never smoked in her life and her son is trying to start at the ripe young age of 2. They weren't lying when they said big tobacco was targeting younger groups. When I told J about it she reminded me that the night before we found out that the babysitter smokes so that's probably where he got it. It's crazy the things kids pick up on and mimic even when we think they don't see us.
When we were done with our food we decided to do a little shopping so I could get the full Amish experience. We headed to one of the 2 major Amish stores in town. From the moment we walked in I was in sensory overload.
They had pie filling, in skinny plastic bags. Jars and jars of jams. Fresh veggies in the back. A whole bunch of different kinds of candy. Bread, antioxidant drinks, all kinds of pastries, fresh meats and cheeses. You could even order something cooked fresh for you right there at the deli. We looked at some Whoopie Pies but decided to wait until we checked out the other store to buy anything. Yes, we were going to another Amish store. Why not? As we were leaving the first store baby M agreed to take a potty break. J's mom took him while the rest of us waited for them outside in the sunshine.
Until J's dad was summoned to retrieve the diaper bag from the car. Another moment I was thankful baby watching wasn't my responsibility. Even more so when they all finally came back out carrying baby M who was now wrapped in a jacket and nothing else. J's mom says something about having no change of clothes for baby M, even though I'm pretty sure I remembered checking to make sure we had at least one change of clothes before I left the house. Apparently baby M had a bowel EXPLOSION and ruined his clothes....and some of J's moms clothes too. So beyond happy to not be a child person. How does poop travel so far? I may never understand this mystery...and I'm ok with that.
With an almost nakkie baby in tow, we decided we would still make a quick stop at the second store but only J's mom and I would go in. We had to have whoopie pies. Or so I was told. The second store was set up way different than the last one but we had no trouble locating our treasure. We looked around for a little bit to make sure we didn't need anything else. W almost had a heart attack when she found red velvet whoopie pies. Who knew this goodness came in so many flavors? We got chocolate chip and chocolate for me to try of course and she went home with chocolate chip and red velvet, of course. After a quick browse of the fresh fruits and such we got back in the car and they drove us back to the apartment.
It was nice to get out and explore the city a little bit but I was glad to be back. I tried to play the Cars video game with M before J got back from work but I got frustrated because he couldn't figure out how to work the controls so I decided to read for a little while...until I took over the Wii and played some more Epic Mickey. After all, I wouldn't have much more time to play it and I wanted to get as far as I could. I miss that game...
Since it was my last night in Florida, we planned on going out dancing, because that's our thing and we need to be together for it to be magical. The babysitter hung out with us while we got ready, doing our makeup and deciding on outfits. I decided to go full on hoodrat for the night and used the babysitter as a hottness gauge. Very effective.
Once we were all glammed up, we hitched a ride with one of the neighbors to the Gator club. I had no idea what to expect and that's exactly how I like to go into things. With no expectations. We show our ID's at the door and in we walk. The place was PACKED. There was a live cover band flailing around on a stage to the left and a sea of people everywhere. J led us to the staircase and explained they have a live band down here and a DJ upstairs where they play music more our style. Upstairs there was more room for us to actually walk and of course we used that space to walk straight to the bar. J got the bartender to make her a blue long island, even though the bartender had never made one before. She tested it before handing it to J and made a squinty face. Shouldn't you be worried when the person that makes your drink thinks it's a bit strong? Psha!
We sat on one of the couches they had upstairs and waited for a good song to come on. All of a sudden J starts laughing for no reason at all. What the heck J?
"Her shirt is tickling me!" Umm what? A girl standing at the bar had slowly gotten closer to J and now J was leaning forward into my cushion space and I could see the girls shirt was basically trying to wear J. It was one of those shirts with loose hangy bits, and those bits were all over J. We needed to move.
We headed to the dance floor and got our groove on until they decided to try to make a slow song work in the dance mix. It didn't work so we went downstairs to see what the live band was up to.
We had a lot of trouble finding a place to just stand down there. We had to mush ourselves through people. It was a real struggle for J because she has these giant natural floating devices attached to her chest and she had to squish them down to navigate through the crowd. It was like swimming through people. It didn't matter where we went, we were always touching someone. And some of the men were way too happy about that fact. We went back upstairs.
Where it had filled up nicely. The dance floor was packed and we had to fight a little to make it to the bar for round 2. This time I got a water and J got another blue long island. While waiting at the bar, I spotted a cute boy and J pointed out the cougars dressed like young 20 something's loving the attention their pool partners were giving them.
We squeezed our way back to the dance floor and danced our little hearts out. Then I saw that cute boy again. As he was walking up to dance with me. Score! J snagged herself a dance partner too. We danced until I sweat out all the water I had drank that day and both J and I were ready to take a break. We snagged an empty couch near the smaller bar by the dance floor. Because who knows how long it will be empty. Plus, sitting feels amazing after dancing in high heels. We got cute boys number and agreed to call him if we wanted to hang out after we were done at the club. He left with his friends and J went to get another drink. I danced from the couch because I wasn't ready to be up on my feet again but I can't resist dancing to a good beat. And then I had a dance partner. Yes, J was back, but that's not who wanted to dance with me. A random white boy did his best gangsta dance for me while I danced from the couch. He seemed to get angry that I didn't jump up to dance with him, made an angry face and walked away. Silly boy.
J points at a sign on the register behind me and starts laughing. "Look! That says no drunks around the register!" HAHAHAHA what a good sign for a bar to have. I look, and of course it doesn't say that. That's just what J's drinks are telling her it says. It really says: No drinks around the register. Silly J!
She gets a message from the guy she had recently started seeing saying that he wasn't going to make it to the club...even though half an hour earlier he had asked her if we were at the club and told her he and his friends would meet us there soon. She gets up to call him to find out more, and I'm left to look after the couch.
Which gets invaded almost immediately. A man sits down with a drunk grin on his face and an even drunker girls almost falls into his lap. They make out sloppily for a minute and I frantically search for J so I can share my laughter with someone. I try not to stare but they're only a foot away from me and they're going at it pretty hard core. She is making out with his whole face while trying to coordinate with her legs that don't seem to want to stand any more. She finally relents and breaks up the tonsil hockey game to sit. The man shrugs off his jacket and sets it on his lap. I have a fit of laughter and look away. Still no sign of J.
I look back and now the jacket is laid like a blanket over both the drunks laps. They both are now sporting stupid grins and I can see forearm movement. This time I couldn't hold it in and I laughed a nice, big, belly laugh. It didn't phase them. I doubled over and laughed some more. I might have slapped my knee. And possibly stamped my foot a couple times. It was that funny.
Apparently the whole situation wasn't working for them and they got up. Or, tried to. The girl fell a time or two before finally making it to her feet. See, this is just one of thousands of reasons I choose not to drink. Not that my non drinking prevents me from doing stupid things...
As soon as they start to walk away J comes back from her phone call break. I'm doubled over in laughter about the not so sly couple and I try to tell her about it as soon as I see her but I can tell she's not happy. Turns out her man friend wasn't going to come hang out with us and we had no real reason as to why. Lame sauce.
She starts to rehash all the details of the phone call to me in drunkgirlspeak and then a guy comes over to us. It's loud so I can't hear what he says to J but she starts laughing.
"No way! He knows us from Portland!"
Say what?! Ok, so he doesn't know us. That's drunk girl interpretation for ya. He saw J once at the Clackamas Town Center and recognized her now. How random we would see someone from Clackamas all the way down in Sarasota Florida! Of course we had to get his number. He went off to do his own thing and we decided it was time to leave this place.
We headed outside and J used me to keep her balance. As per usual with my drunken friends. I'm a good leaning post. (Shout out to my bro from his fave PLP!)
We walked back to the apartment since the club isn't really that far away, and I packed flip flops in my clutch so I didn't have to kill my feet to make it home. J wanted McDonalds real bad but we didn't have a car so she headed home and I decided to try to walk through the drive through to get us some food.
For some reason, walking down the side walk, carrying my heels in my hand, wearing my "hoodrat" dress, at almost 4 in the morning, I felt more alive and happy then I can remember feeling...ever. I was absolutely giddy. I skipped and hummed to myself. It was warm out even in the middle of the night. I didn't feel the slightest bit of danger walking around alone in the middle of the night...er...morning. Ok, so maybe I did walk in the street at that one point where the sidewalk was engulfed in shadows from big trees...but still.
I made it to the glowing yellow light of McDonalds, and as I tried to walk across the driveway a car started to pull out of the drivethru. I saw a girl driving with short curly hair and thought to myself "why is drunk ass J driving right now? And whos car is that? And who is in the car with her?"
It wasn't J at all of course. But the car still pulled up beside me blocking my way to the holy land of 24 hour food. And a man popped his head out the window.
"Where you goin lookin so hot girl?"
Am I really getting hit on right now? I laughed and walked around the car. I heard him yell something else to me and I laughed some more. McDonalds got the last laugh though, when they wouldn't let me get food. Stupid rule followers.
I called J as I walked back to the apartment to tell her the bad news and she didn't care. She said we could cook. What are we gonna cook at this time of day J? Top ramen of course! Whatev. She's the hungry one, not me. I skipped my way back to my temporary home, smiling the entire way.
It was like a mini party when I got back. M was in bed sleeping. J was running her drunkness off by going from kitchen to living room with no real purpose until she remembered she wanted food. Babysitter was just sitting back and laughing at drunk J. J asked where I had been and what had taken so long. I reminded her about my phone call and our plan for food. She went into the kitchen and started making some top ramen. She came back out and asked me where I had been and what had taken me so long. I made a face and told her again about our plan and the phone call. With different words in case that would make it easier for her to understand. She remembered now and babysitter laughed at us. She went back into the kitchen and I said something about her memory. She came back into the living room with a huge bowl of top ramen, all for herself. The first thing out of her mouth? "Where were you? What took so long?"
J drunk is the same thing as dealing with her 2 year old child. Whywhywhytellmetellmetellme.
Babysitter thought our bickering was quite funny. We watched J eat her mound of noodles while we had the same conversation over and over again. When she was done with her food, she decided to take a "Rest" on the floor in front of the couch. Just like that, she was out. Babysitter started to try to mess with sleeping drunk J. He called her phone to try to wake her up. It didn't work. He nudged her and told her she needed to check her phone. She mumbled something and fell right back asleep. He threw a pillow at her face and she used it to get more comfortable. When he could tell she was too out to mess with he decided to leave. I thought about picking up the bowl of noodle juice. I thought about trying to wake J up and get her to her bed. I thought about picking up around the house or watching a movie. Then I thought it's early enough that some people are getting ready for work and I have to get on a plane tomorrow...and I passed out on the couch.
When I woke up J had made it to her room and the sun was blinding me from the kitchen. I stumbled into my room and fell back asleep almost instantly.
I could hear baby M running around and realized I should probably get up. Both J and I looked like street walkers with our smudged day old makeup, crazy hair and zombie like movements. J still had her false eyelashes on and one was super crooked. We're all about class.
We talked about our plans for the day and realized we didn't have much time to get things started. I had a plane to catch and I still need to do some souvenir shopping. Packing was super easy since I had kept most of my things in my suitcase the whole time, and didn't really have much with me anyway.
The end of the trip felt so sudden. On Tuesday we were talking about how we had all the time in the world left to enjoy my time there, and just like that we were packing a diaper bag for baby M and heading to the airport.
We had to take the mini train from the main airport to the terminal area. I went to get my boarding pass while J waited. We walked around the airport looking through the stores for things I could bring back with me. I was hoping for some awesome finds, but last minute shopping doesn't give you many options. I might have bought more for myself then for my friends...She walked me to gate and we hugged goodbye. I tried my best not to cry. I handed my pass to the guy at the counter and turned around to see J and baby M walking back to the train. I felt some tears well up and told myself it was fine, because I would be back in no time. I definitely will be back for another visit. I went through security and was scared for a little bit that I wouldn't make it through in time to make my flight. The line was so long compared to the line at PDX. I had plenty of time though. I sat at the gate and replayed my entire trip in my head.
I boarded the plane. Got super lucky and was offered the window seat so the other 2 guys in my row could sit together. I stared out at the palm trees swaying in the wind and thought about how warm it was. I got my headphones out and picked something to watch on the little headrest tv.
The place kicked into gear and we started moving. All of a sudden I felt broken and I started to cry. I was really leaving. I really wouldn't be able to see J and baby M every day. I would no longer feel the warmth of the suns glow on my skin. I tried to hold it in but it just wasn't working. I stared out the window and cried quietly for a few minutes until I could calm myself down. I would be back. It wasn't the end of the world. I had a great time and have every reason to be happy, not sad. But every time I looked out the window and saw the colors of the sky change as the sun set, I felt more tears. Even now, just typing this, it makes me sad. I miss my boo. I miss her baby. I miss the sun. I miss the birds. I miss the white sand. I miss the feeling in the air. I miss people calling me Oregon. I miss sleeping in every day. I miss everything and I most definitely cannot wait to go back.
J, thank you so much for everything. For giving me a place to stay. For providing me with food. For getting us kick ass front row seats to Kevin Hart. For being an entertaining drunk. For quality girl time. For quality dance time. For being my bestie in the westie who moved to the eastie. I love you boo and I miss you man!!