The many faces of internet dating

I promised you a separate post about the kind of guys I've encountered online, and this is that post. I'm not going to go terribly in depth about anything. I'm just going to share with you some of the messages I've gotten and some of the idiocy I've dealt with thanks to the online dating profile K set up for me.
Click through to get some good eye rolls!


There was a guy, J, who seemed like a viable dating option. He was attractive in his pictures and charming and funny in his messages. I gave him my number (I really gotta stop doing that) and we planned a date for the following Saturday.
He didn't text me every day and didn't seem to be super clingy, but he was insistent on talking on the phone and not just texting. We had a good conversation over the phone that lasted a more then just a few minutes. A couple of days before our date I text him just to say hi. He didn't respond but I thought nothing of it. When I still hadn't heard from him, and the day we were supposed to meet had come and gone I sent him another text, only to again receive no response. So I went to the website, where we had first started talking and sent him a message there asking what happened. The site is kind of handy because in your inbox, next to the message you send, it tells you the last time that person was online. So the next day I checked my inbox to see if he had said anything. He hadn't, but sure enough, according to the website, he had been online only 2 hours before me.
Now I was irritated. We had a date. I was actually kind of excited to meet this one, and he was now just ignoring me. If he went out with someone else, and hit it off, that's great for him! Truly. But let me know. Especially since we had a date planned. I mean...right?
So I sent him another message. Something like "Seriously, what the hell man? Please just be real with me instead of ignoring me. Because that's just rude." Of course, I got no reply.
So I gave up. Then one day I was checking my messages, and he sent me an IM. Another nifty feature offered by the website. He said his niece had dropped his phone in the toilet and that's why he didn't respond to my texts. He begged for another chance and begged for me to call him so he could explain what happened. He gave me his number and I sent him a text. He replied asking for me to call him.
Fine. I call and he says "who is this?" even though we had literally been texting moments before. He said my number wasn't programmed in his phone. Clearly, he was soooo interested in me.
What happened exactly? His niece dropped his phone in the toilet. Sure, that explains the no text or call thing. But what about the messages I sent online? He tells me "I hardly ever get on that thing to check my messages!" He was very defensive. He said he really did want to meet me and get to know me.
I reminded him about the "last online" feature of the site, and pointed out that if he was really interested in me, and knew that he could find me on that website, since that's where he found me in the first place, why didn't he think to message me there? Or just reply to one of the message I sent directly to him?
His defense was that he couldn't find me online when he tried that. Ok, so first you don't check the site at all and now you tried to find me but couldn't? Even though I sent you direct messages? Nope, I'm not buying it.
He begged for a second chance and I agreed to meet him for a few minutes after I got off work the next day, just to see what would happen.
Guess who never called or messaged me?

There was the guy who messaged me and said I looked familiar. I didn't recognize him and told him that and apparently that was enough for him to think now was the time to tell me about his kissing skills. A bit soon yea? I go a few days without checking the site, and when I finally do check my inbox, there's a message from him saying he misses me.
Moving on...

There's the guy who has messaged me at least 8 times since K started the profile. I've never responded because a) the first few messages only said "hi" and I don't believe that minimal effort deserves a response and b) From what his profile says, I know that we are not a good match. I'm trying to not waste time here. But he just keeps messaging me. Every 4 or 5 weeks.

There's the guy that sent me this message: "My name is N. I'm 21 very loving caring and down to earth I do not cheat lie or believe in abuse. I like to cook clean cuddle kiss and just be my self. I'm looking for a girl that will treat me with respect if I sound interesting then mesh me back I'm willing to give u my number. im looking for a girl that will be there for me and treat me with respect And like me for me. I'm a big dork and every one loves it.
id like to here from u. im also maybe looking to hang out tonite so yea when u text me plese text me 503*******"
Aside from the fact that he has a child, he's completely unattractive to me. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of young people have children and it's hard to find someone that doesn't. I realize that. But we all know how I feel about kids. I just don't think I'm the girl you want to date if you have children. Oh, and did you read that message? Because to me it's very off-putting.

One guy sent this: I think you friend she cute;-)..however I'm not in to rap music and drinks,but I will like to know her

My profile says that I don't drink. Clearly, he read and understood that.

This guy messaged me twice, both along these lines: i want to cut the nonsense and meet up with u this week honey

No, I didn't reply.

The 40 something that got offended when I told him I'm not into older men and then told me how to change the settings so no one over a certain age could message me...messaged me 2 months after that. It said "fyi...I still think you're cute ;)"
I replied with "I'm still not interested"
(Note: I did change my settings so that no one over 35 could message me but apparently once you've messaged someone their able to message you whether you change your settings or not. Of course he knew that)

Let's not forget the other 40 something who, after I turned him down, offered to buy me designer boots in exchange for "a couple of foot rubs a week". HA! No thank you!

And of course, the 40 something who messaged me to tell me I'm cute and when I told him thanks but I'm not interested in older guys, he told me that's ok, because he's married. Well mister married man, why are you on a dating website? He tried to say he just wanted to talk, but stopped talking to me when I made it clear he was not "wearing me down" as he said he hoped he was. Thought you were happily married smart ass.

I've gotten countless messages that only say "Hi"

I've gotten numerous messages that contain something that is so clearly cut and pasted and not at all personal.

Tons of messages from people that claim to be interested in me based on my profile only to ask me questions that are answered on my profile and are usually something that is a clear reason they shouldn't have messaged me in the first place. Things like "You sound like a really interesting person. I'd love to get together. Perhaps a movie followed by drinks?" even though my profile says that I don't drink and think a movie is not a good first date since you can't get to know someone in a place where talking is largely frowned upon.

I've been called honey, baby, sweetheart, lovely and sexy by complete strangers on a regular basis, as if that would be enough to make my heart melt and want to run off into their arms.

I completely understand that people use sites like these to find random hook ups but really....can't you put a little effort in?

I've had more then a couple of guys tell me that my lips are sexy and they sure would like to find out what they can do.
Yep, that's totally the way to get a girl.

Oh, and the guy who sent me a message asking me what I was hoping to find on the site. I told him I wasn't looking for anything in particular and he replied, calling me a dumbass and a waste of space. He told me to delete my profile and stop wasting everyone's time.
Oh my bad. I thought that whole "what are you looking for?" setting cleared that question up. And since they have an option for "not looking for anything in particular" then this site is actually made specifically with people like me in mind. Yep, I sure am the dumbass in this equation.


In conclusion, being single sure does keep things interesting.