Saturday night in the woods...kinda

With a clean house and no where to be until the evening, I decide to go see Easy A. The theater was totally empty when I got there. I had the whole theater to myself for a movie I have been dying to see so I couldn't have been more excited. Especially since I didn't even have to pay to see it because I still had some gift certificates from Christmas. Hells to the yes. Private screening for me!
The movie was totally good by the way. Very funny.
I met A and S at their house at 7. I was supposed to be there at 6:30 but I got lost. Not really but kind of.
A drove me and S rode with their friend. We drove and drove. D and S bought a new house out in Sandy so we had a bit of driving to do. We make a pit stop at a small store for cigarettes. We are parked and A is looking in her purse for money when we hear someone yell.
"Hey sexy!"
Nope, not her husband or their friend or anyone she knows or I know. Just a truck full of dummies staring at us. Awesome.
We laugh and she keeps looking for money. I check my phone for texts. Anything to avoid looking at the truck. They keep yelling at us.
"Hello? Sexy? You guys wanna go to a party?"
Party? Shit...they better not be going to the same place. Finally A finds her money right as her husband and M pull up right beside us. She goes inside and the guys in the truck don't stop.
"Ooh look at her. Sexy. You wanna party? Hello?"
Then they see that I'm still in the car.
"Hey. Talk to us."
"What about?"
"Huh?"
This is why I don't date.
Eventually they deem me too boring to waste more time on and take off...way too fast. A comes back and we take off to party in the woods.
I have no idea where we are when we finally turn into D and S's driveway. I can't even see the house yet. The driveway goes up and up and around and around and then we can see the house. And the campfire...and a hot tub! Now I'm totally stoked.
We park with all the other cars and I slip on my flip flops. We say hi to the people we know on our way in. A talks with L inside for a bit while they set up some shots. We laugh when someone starts looking for someone and all they know is her name. You know. The girl. With hair. Helpful.
D gives us a tour of the grounds. Really. They have 10 acres. We follow the lit-with-solar-lights path to the top of the hill to find the camping area. An area of their land cleared of tall grass where friends have set up their tents or small trailers to stay the weekend. There are fun colored lights strung around and one tent has a multi-colored light hanging from the center. It kind of resembles a UFO. Kick ass.
We're told during the day, when it's light out, you can see valleys and hills for miles and miles and over that way you would see Mt. Hood and on nights when the moon isn't so full and bright the stars out here are just beautiful.
We head back to the house and eat some of the heaps of food in the kitchen. Chips, burgers, sausages, chips, chili, cheese....all kinds of yummy goodness. W shows off his war marks. He and J are having a marker war. W asks how I've been and we talk about how we should definitely have a hula party soon. Then J comes in and they mark fight some more. Scruffy men sure do look good with black and silver sharpie ink on their faces. And arms. And feet.
They ask the only question that matters. Game on or game off?
On. Always. Gimmie a sharpie damn it! They're too scared of me though and say I can't play.
Go outside and a couple of girls are climbing into the hot tub. The water is low because something broke in the move but it's still hot and relaxing so who cares. The girls demand drinks from one of their men and he comes back with ingredients instead of drinks. Cups with ice, a bottle of vodka and a bottle of juice. Some bartender...
D climbs in and S decides he will too...even though he doesn't have swim trunks. So he just strips down to his boxers and crawls into the hot tub. Bad Bartender goes and gets his fun light from his tent and throws it in the hot tub. Genius! Now it's like a colorful disco in there. Right as I start contemplating getting in I hear "Naked man!". J is stripping down to get in the hot tub. But he isn't keeping his boxers on. There's some awkward seat shifting in the hot tubs while the girls try to keep from touching naked man.
"I think your balls are on my leg."
Yea I'm not getting in there.
Somehow J's boxers end up in the hot tub and they're getting thrown around. In peoples faces. He swears their clean. That doesn't seem to make anyone more ok with them getting thrown in their face. S takes charge and throws them out of the hot tub. Into the grass. Good luck finding those tomorrow J!
I go find A and watch her take another shot in the kitchen. We hang out and have drunk girl talk. They marvel at the fact that I haven't consumed alcohol. I tell them honestly that it was never really hard to stay away from it. Not until this past year or so anyway. But since I have awesome non peer pressure-y friends, it's never been an issue.
Back outside I go from group of people to group of people. A and I talk about work and life. I watch more fun in the hot tub...and stop watching when naked man gets up and shakes his junk proudly. Other guys pick apart his technique. Apparently there should be more bouncing...
Uh huh....
We're all anxiously awaiting S's arrival to her own housewarming. She bought a friend tickets to see Carrie Underwood and the concert was that night so everyone keeps calling her and texting her...we may have asked her to pick up some more rockstars on her way home since they ran out doing shots at 8.
By the time she finally makes it to the house we only have a half hour before we have to leave (A and s have a newborn at home and Im the DD so A could drink for the first time in 10 months so we have to leave around midnight to relieve their babysitter. And that's what's called a long run on sentence).
She tells us about the concert and takes a shot with the girls. We hear about W getting too sick and how he is throwing up "all over the place!" but not really outside. I watch as bottles and bottles of vodka are discovered and claimed. Everyone thought we were running low...when really they were just leaving bottles in random places. Silly drunks!
It takes 10 minutes to say goodbye, because everyone is so spread out, and because S is drunk so he still wants to hang out. He rides passenger on the way home. It's really weird driving a car that's not yours when you're used to only driving one car for the last 3 years. I had to adjust everything and learn how the car reacted...and S kept shifting for me. The whole way home.
Shift.
Shift.
Shift.
Basically I learned to bring a bathing suit to parties in the woods just in case, and get in the hot tub before the naked guy does...but get out before he gets in. Because if you don't you'll end up seeing a bat wing.