Saturday with a side of pain

First things first. I had to fix the trampoline. Wait what? What trampoline? Well...I stalked craigslist for a long time until I found a trampoline for free. I had to disassemble it myself...and I would need to haul it. So K and her boyfriend went with and helped me. We went Thursday night. The guy was weird. He called me bunch of times to make sure I was still coming to get it, even though I made sure his wife knew I wouldn't be coming until after dark due to prior plans. He seemed confused as to why I would possibly want it in the dark. He calls me when I'm in my car to head to his house to make sure I'm still on my way. I say yes and he says he has to call this other guy and tell him he should go home. He told someone else they could come get it even though I already talked to him and told him I would come get it. I called him not 10 minutes before that to tell him I would be on my way. Seriously, 4 blocks from his house he calls me again to make sure I'm coming. As weird as he was he had set up a light so we could see what we were doing which was nice of him. We had to untie/cut the blue "protective" cover from the springs. That thing was beat to hell. No way that protected anyone from anything. By the time we finally got it apart and back to my house it was after 10. K and her boyfriend took off and I started to assemble. Yes, really. I've wanted one for so long there was no way I was going to have it right in front of me and not put it together! It took me a little bit to figure it out and then I was on a roll. Until I got to the end and figured out I had put the jumping mat thinger on upside freakin down (it was dark and late so gimmie a break!). Damn it. By now I was tired and sweaty so I just gave up and told myself I would fix it the next day. That ended up not happening. So I took advantage of a morning with no plans to get the trampoline fixed. C helped me take the thing off and reattach it right side up. We had a little issue with a couple of tough, not stretchy enough springs but got it done in basically no time. Of course we made sure it was right by doing some test jumping.
In the afternoon I head to grampys to borrow his weed eater. I have to take care of my lawn because my landlord is a big meanie. She said the neighbors are going to call the city on me if it gets any worse. Seriously? You mean the crack heads surrounding my house care about how tall my weeds are? You mean the guys that use a back hoe as a trash compactor for a dumpster shared by an apartment complex and at least 4 houses? Doubtful. And they're calling you? All my neighbors have my landlords number even though someone totally different owns ALL their houses? Whatever. You want me to take care of it then I will.
I get to grampys and pet his deaf blind dog hello when he finally notices I'm there. We talk politics for about 4 seconds and then he shows me the weed eater. Crap. It has to be plugged in. There is no way that's going to take care of my whole yard. Oh well. It'll do something. I think. Mom has a step stool at his house she needs me to bring to her so after a little time with grampy (I definitely need to spend more time with him. In fact he said something about how I know where he lives so I can come by whenever) I head over to moms with the stool riding shotgun. She only lives a couple blocks away so it takes no time at all. I walk in to her house...and she's not there. I set the stool down. Hmm...she must be walking the dog. I peek out the door to see if I can see her. Nope. Hey, what's this next to the door? A light saber?! Hells yes! I do a couple big swings complete with light saber sound effects in her living room. Then I can hear her through the window. I open the door and attack her with the light saber. Yep, I get my awesomness from her.
We make a quick trip to Mcdonalds. Yes, they're evil but sometimes when you get a craving you have to go for it and mom had a craving. I get a happy meal. For a girl please. It comes with a Strawberry Shortcake toy. That's exciting. I open the toy at moms. It's dirty. It was wrapped in plastic and then wrapped in plastic again and it still comes out dirty. Nice Mcdonalds. Real nice. On the bright side the dirty doll came with the tiniest pad of paper ever and a lil matching girly pencil. Adorable.
I make it home and start on the OUT OF CONTROL (according to my landlady) yard. I've never actually used a weed eater before and it's kind of fun. I can see spiders fleeing from the grass like crazy. That is creepy. But at least I'm scaring them. Too bad they're going straight to the house...
C asks neighbor C if he's home so we can borrow his lawn mower because doing the whole yard with this thing isn't looking promising. L comes over to jump on the tramp while I weed eat. She asks where C is and I assume she went to neighbor Cs for the mower. I'm proven right when she yells for me to unlock the gate. It's padlocked to keep out crackheads and creepers because I like to live on the edge.
The edge of sanity apparently.
He tells me when the lawn in long you have to go slow with his mower. So I get to go slow for acres and acres. Not really but it sure feels like it. C goes to get some gas for the mower and rockstars for us.
I try to start the mower. I've never had much luck with this...and I don't this time. I pull the cord, nothing happens. I widen my stance and pull harder this time. Still nothing. Make sure my feet are really planted to the ground...Pull the cord....and I'm on the ground. Well that's not how that's supposed to work. I give up. L starts it on her first try. Whatever. I'm weak apparently.
I start mowing. Understandably L leaves after a while. C starts using the weed eater on the areas it will reach. She weeds the BBQ (yes, it had weeds growing in it) and does all she can within the limits of the cord.
Mowing is not easy in my yard. Not only does it go on forever, this mower has to go slow and the lawn is pretty overgrown (but not eviction long...) and the ground is completely uneven so it's a process. I take 3 steps forward with the mower lifted up so it can trim then I pull the mower back to trim a little more and then I can finally push it forward flat to finish the mow for those 3 steps. I have to do that for the whole entire yard.
I get to the back of the yard and I see a praying mantis in the lawn in front of me. I mow around it. Grasshoppers are everywhere. I try to avoid killing them. Some are unavoidable. I know I kill one and I apologize out loud to it.
I'm not even half way done with the back yard and it's starting to get dark out (I started at 4 in the afternoon) so I move to the front yard because if I can at least get that part done then when my crazy landlady drives by (and I have no doubt that she will do just that) she can see that I'm at least trying. Effort counts for something.
I finish the front and its now officially dark out. I don't care. I keep mowing in the back. Until I just can't any more. My entire body is shaking violently and I smell like a homeless person from sweating for 4 hours.
I manage to get myself in the shower even though I can't hold a cup of water without spilling some. The shower is where I realize how bad my hands hurt. You know it's bad when lathering your hands is painful.
I have plans to go to Dukes again tonight with L and her coworker. I put on a dress when I get out of the shower because that's the easiest thing in the world to wear when you're feeling lazy. Since my arms are basically broken maybe I'm not being lazy, but smart. I think about starting my make up and as soon as I put lotion on I realize that's not going to happen. My hands are shaking way too much. There is no way I could control makeup application and I am not going out looking like a clown. I decide to sit down until L comes over to give my body a break. Maybe I can do makeup later.
L comes over early to wait for the text that tells her it's time to head to Dukes. I'm basically a zombie at this point. She tells me looking at me is making her tired. That's totally the effect I was going for. Goal accomplished. Way to go me.
Big J comes over so he and C can go get some ice cream. He invites L and I along for the ride. We are now on an ice cream mission! I can barely move so I don't even bother putting real shoes on. We're going to a drive thru anyway since Big J is craving a dipped cone from Dairy Queen. I leave the house in a bright pink dress and my slippers. Trend setter yall!
Big J asks me where the closest DQ is and of course I don't even have to think before I'm saying the cross streets. Good to know that even when I'm a zombie I still know how to get to DQ.
On our way we see the UFO Response Team. No idea who they are but that is what the car said.
Bad news. When we get to DQ, it's definitely closed. Damn! So we head to another one. Drive drive drive. Get to the second DQ. The sign says open. Yess! Victory! We park to go inside to see Cs brother who works there. As we walk to the door a worker turns off the open sign. Crap! We run back to the car to hit the drive thru while we can. Only it's too late. They won't talk to us. Damn damn damn. I totally wanted a chocolate dipped cone.
Big J drives us back home and L and I go inside. We have some girl talk for a bit and when L finally gets the text to go to Dukes she has decided she's too tired to go now. And it's clear I'm not really up to it. She leaves and I crawl into bed.