Pumpkin carving adult style

Last years pumpkin carving party was such a success I knew I had to do it again this year. The only planning I really did was to plan the date. On my way home from work I realized I didn't have even one pumpkin carving kit and those little saws are so handy so I thought I would just stop at the store before going home. Walking into the store I realized I should probably get some snacks for the party too since there wasn't much at the house to snack on. I found some sparkling lemonade on sale and grabbed a couple bottles. Ooh, some chips, maybe these chocolate chip cookies and hey pumpkin chocolate chip? Perfect for a pumpkin carving party I think! Before I knew it I was weighed down with snacks and pizza to cook at home and stuff to drink and some candy. Time to leave before I buy the whole store.
As I walked out the door with my bagged up and already purchased groceries I passed the pumpkin carving station. Damn it!!! I forgot the only freakin thing I came here for! No way am I gonna turn around and go back through the line to buy one thing. Yep, I just left the store without the stupid carving kit. Oh well.
Once I get home I start setting out the snacks and cleaning up a little. Lil K texts and asks if she can bring anything. Well if you're already out and there are carving kits near by....
I pop the pizza in the oven since I'm starving right now and don't plan on waiting for other people so I can eat. The pizza will still be good by the time they get here anyway. Clean up some more and put clothes away while I wait for it to bake. And then it's done and I go to pull it out of the oven and what happens next? Yep, I burn my knuckle on the top of the oven. I burnt myself on the oven roof. Why was my hand even up there?! I have no idea. So now my pinky knuckle has this whiteish greyish scabish thing on it. Hotness.
Everyone starts to show up and just like last year G has a pumpkin to carve and props to go with it. Some kind of potato/squash thing, a tomato and a mister potato head. What is he up to....
They brought a bottle of wine but of course I don't have a wine opener. I really need to get an industrial strength one. G tries to get the cork out with a knife but gives up quickly, which is probably the smartest idea. G and I are amped up to start carving so I get out some newspaper and he sets up a station on the floor in the kitchen. I put some paper down in the living room and then start to cut the pumpkin lid. I opt for the old school "vvv" looking type cut lid. I used a large kitchen knife for this task and L tells me I'm not safe. Psha! The blade is facing away from me! I'm perfectly safe. Whoops...that slice went all the way through the pumpkin.
Like the title suggests, this is pumpkin carving for adults. It's a naughty pumpkin carving party. Last year there was some jungle fever pumpkins (a melon and a squash? Scandalous!) and a vampire whose head was impaled with a penis. Classy stuff people.
G keeps laughing as he carves. I know he's got a plan and it's going to be as good as, if not better, than last years. I got a random Halloween forward text with a few pictures of pornographic pumpkins (I later learned are called pornkins) and saved it just for this. I picked the easiest one to draw and sketched it out on the back of one of the carving stencils that came with the carving kits. Taped it to my pumpkin and used the dotter tool to draw the picture onto my pumpkin. Man, these kits are actually really handy. I hear more giggling from G and lil K comes in to check on his progress. She calls him gross, grabs some snacks and walks back into the living room.
"Oh no! I broke his penis!"
C says "If I didn't know what you were doing in there I would be worried."
Wait, why am I carving on the counter when all my newspaper laid out over there on the floor? Whatever. I'm close to the garbage can and that's important in these kinds of situations.
G and I yell at K2 to start carving. He brought a pumpkin (stolen) and everything and he's not even carving. He comes into the kitchen to see what we're doing and he asks why G needs a tomato. We'll see.
Before I know it G is ready to set up. Yes, his pumpkin needs to be set up. I forgot to get the tea lights out so he has to wait for me to get done. Luckily my design is simple and I'm done in no time. I grab some tea lights and take my pumpkin outside. G already has his lit up and is adjusting the guts. I prop mine up and light the candle. Aw, they look so good!

I know, it's kind of hard to see. The one on the left is mine. The one on the right, G's masterpiece. And mister no face in the back is the pumpkin body guard, generously donated by K2. Let's check em out a little closer shall we?

Fine craftsmanship if I do say so myself. See, it's a girl and a guy and....well if you don't know what's going on I'm not going to spell it out for you. Except to let you know there are 3 arms, 2 are the girls and one is the guys. Not bad eh?

I took a picture of G's in the light so you could see all the details. The story G told us to go along with it goes something like this: So this guy's walking and he trips on a log (he grabs an old pumpkin stem and stuck it in front of his pumpkins feet) and falls down face first onto a penis, impaling his eye. The penis goes all the way through his head and pops out the top of skull and his brains are spilling out.
The tomato was for guts. He used potato heads feet and hat. His eye is squinted in pain from the impaling and he's barfing out blood and guts. Nice. Very nice my friend. That is one heck of a curve on that thing though....
Guess who is now the proud new owner of a mister potato head with no feet or hat? This chick.
So, not as many people came or carved as last year, but I still think it was a great success. I love how creative my friends are. I don't have kids so I can carve pumpkins like this. Also, my neighbors are crack heads and won't even notice since they too are childless and won't be coming to my door for any reason. Well unless they come to borrow eggs and milk again.